Who wins and loses in Mastodon vs. Your Inbox?
How thinking gets you into trouble – and gets you out of it, too.
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Sometimes it’s not the clutter.
Sometimes it’s what we think that causes the most trouble.
Imagine sitting down at your computer to check your email and, when you open the inbox, the number total unopened emails is in the 4-digits.
You look at that number glowing on your screen and quietly think to yourelf,
“I’m so behind. I’m never going to catch up.”
That little comment to yourself is so quiet that you hardly even notice it. Even if you do, it’s so quick, it barely registers before you’re on to the next thing.
Looking deeper
The effect that thought has on you is immense. Deep in your brain, that thought triggers a response to a threat. Your body begins to prepare for battle or flight – skin begins to sweat, heart rate increases, adrenaline is released to give you the power to run.
Most of the time, you have no idea it’s even happening. Your brain is on auto-pilot.
The problem is that you can’t put this response to good use. You can’t punch your inbox’s lights out. And, faced with 1000 emails, you probably won’t take flight and run screaming down the hall. All the body triggers are out of alignment with the actual stimulus.
Overload
Worst of all, if you’re like a lot of stressed-out, busy people, you’re constantly thinking these kinds of thoughts:
I’m so behind.
I should have this done by now.
I promised I’d have this back to her.
My client is showing up any minute.
I’m never going to get caught up.
I’ll never break through.
I forgot that AGAIN!?
I should be doing way more than I am.
Say these kinds of things to yourself enough times and you’ll feel like you’re always running and always fighting for some peace.
Case in point
If you’ve ever had the illusion that Jen Hofmann has it all figured out, think again. A couple of months ago I started having heart fluttering and chest pain – accompanied by pretty awful digestive problems. I had no idea what was going on and I was really scared.
Interestingly, right before the symptoms started, I had been thinking about how January was (in my mind) “a wash” and I kept telling myself, “I wasted a whole month. I should have been doing more to grow my business.”
I was talking myself into a mental frenzy – for what? January was fine.
When the symptoms started, I failed to see what a compassionate physician did: I was stressed to the point of anxiety. All because of my thoughts.
Stress isn’t a baseline state
When it comes to surviving en encounter with an angry mastodon, stress is a lifesaver. But when your opponent is your inbox or your kitchen counter or the vacuum cleaner, that level of stress is out of alignment. We all do it, but it really does us harm. Ask any cardiac expert.
Thoughts are an inside job
Lots of people jump to the conclusion that if the inbox is causing you stress, the solution is to clean it out. I say, woah there. Not so fast.
Instead, I invite you on a journey of far greater subtlety:
1. Practice noticing your thoughts.
Like a lot of people, if you can’t see something, it doesn’t exist. Inspired Spouse suggested yesterday that I start keeping a list of the thoughts that come up for me. What a fabulous idea. I’m keeping a running list for the next week, just to see what’s there.
Neutrally observing your beliefs is freeing in a way that a desperately clean desk isn’t.
2. See your thoughts as visitors, not guests.
Instead of opening the door and willy-nilly letting in any thought, ask yourself if you want what they’re selling.
Just because a Girl Scout rings the bell, doesn’t mean she can move into the guest room. Just because you think you’re behind, doesn’t mean that belief needs to move in and run your life.
When you start seeing your thoughts as visitors, you’re actively loosening the hold they have on your spirit – not to mention your autonomic nervous system. You get to decide what stays and what goes – which is empowering.
3. Gently start sending your thoughts away.
In other words, when you notice a thought, don’t cause more damage by telling yourself, “Dummy! Why are you thinking that again?”
Be gentle.
Notice if there are thoughts you want to release because they’re not really true. If you’re feeling behind, behind compared to what? What if it were okay to be exactly where you are right now, even if it’s not where you wanted to be?
The key is to begin to cultivate gentleness toward yourself.
The thoughts inside your head are sometimes harsh and cruel – and you can’t thrive in an environment like that. When you put your spirit in front of the line, the thoughts may still come up but they won’t run your life. It might be a long journey to get to that place, but just think of the possibilities.
Thoughts? Yeah, buts? Me toos?
Organized under Inspiring motivation, Sanely self-employed. Labeled as anxiety, email, gentleness, home office, inbox, mastodon, motivation, procrastination, self-talk, stress.
143 days ago,
Joanne Scharer said:
Beautifully written…thanks for sharing and for the reminder. I needed it today.
143 days ago,
jennifer said:
Yay, Joanne. I’m so glad it resonated for you. Big hugs!
143 days ago,
Lisa Wood said:
I think you wrote this specifically for me. You must be reading my mind. It’s hard to quiet the voice when you don’t even know it’s there. But it is there.
I’m trying to get better at noticing – and telling myself that it’s ok the way it is…
Thanks for this, Jen. I needed it today.
143 days ago,
Regina said:
LOVE the concept of seeing your thoughts as guests, not visitors. Now THAT is inspired!! “Hi thought. Do I agree with you? Are you true? Do you support me? No…well, thanks for stopping by but no thank you. Cheerio!”
Comment about a cleaned out inbox: to be honest, during last week’s spa day I realized that I felt scared of having an empty inbox. It felt, well, empty. I was nervous about coming down to check an empty inbox. But then I did it, I cleared it down to just 5 and realize how empowering it is to sit down and actually “process” my email, top to bottom in one sitting. I’ve heard of such things, and now it is a freeing, calm, systematic task in my life. (Now if I can just get the personal inbox to that state!)
Regina´s last blog ..Valentine’s Day “Loved One” Mini Portrait Special
143 days ago,
sharon Roemmel said:
But what if the Girl Scout has cookies?
ps. When I enter my website url I get a message saying to enter a valid url. I wonder if this happens for other of your visitors?
143 days ago,
jennifer said:
Lisa – I did write it for you. And for me, too. : ) Of course it’s okay as it is – and you can still change it if you want to. You can just choose to not be tyrannized by your thoughts.
Regina – Way to go on the inbox epiphanies! Sometimes the stress *drives* us to work, but it doesn’t always have to be that way. You can work (as you discovered) on your own power. Brava!
Sharon – Exceptions may be made for bearers of Samoas, Girl Scouts or no.
If anyone else is experiencing the CommentLuv problem Sharon mentioned, let me know.
jennifer´s last blog ..Who wins and loses in Mastodon vs. Your Inbox?
142 days ago,
Claudia Brookes said:
Thanks, Jen , for the reminder–I have 550 or so unopened emails in my box–fortunately, that’s the only count I see–I think there are thousands in archive, or that have never been deleted that I’ve opened. and I’m strssing because I have an art class starting in 15 minutes, with a new student and wondering how I’m going to squeeze her in. But that’s a good thing, right? I taking those deep breaths, and thinking what a gorgeous day it is, and that I smelled spring on Sunday, right here in the epicenter of winter snow, North Baltimore County in Maryland.
141 days ago,
jennifer said:
Claudia – Wow. Way to move from panic into presence. Thanks for modeling it right here on the blog. (deep bow of gratitude)
141 days ago,
Sherron said:
Wow, Jen! Timely, wise advice!! I love the idea of thoughts as visitors. Some of mine have definitely been unwelcome guests!
139 days ago,
gerri newfry said:
i so needed that right this second. thank you.
138 days ago,
Jeri Dansky said:
This reminds me so much of Byron Katie’s writings. She says: “A thought is harmless unless we believe it. It’s not our thoughts but our attachment to our thoughts that causes suffering. …
“Thoughts just appear. They come out of nothing and go back to nothing, like clouds moving across the sky. They come to pass, not to stay. There is no harm to them until we attach to them as if they were true.
“I have never experienced a stressful feeling that wasn’t caused by attaching to an untrue thought.”
136 days ago,
Debbie Rodgers said:
Jen – once again you articulate my fears and then issue a brilliant piece of wisdom i.e. ‘your thoughts are only visitors’.
Combine that with Regina’s reaction (“… thanks for stopping by but no thank you. Cheerio!”) and I have a major key to lowering my constant stress. (And thank you for the reminder that this condition is NOT baseline.)
I love, love, love your insights. Stay calm!
129 days ago,
Joanna Rueter said:
Hi Jen– Thank you as always. I always love how you express things – your lightness and kindness- AS I was reading I too like Jerri Dan sky was thinking of Byron Katie’s method called THE WORK —as I have found it VERY helpful for relief from stressful thoughts. It’s made a hug difference in every part of my life. Many thanks to you as always!!!
129 days ago,
Joanna Rueter said:
No way to edit apparently and – Oh my typos are us — sori Jeri with one r — and it should say a HUGE difference although it’s been like a hug as well.
Joanna Rueter´s last blog ..Turtling Through Your Taxes – Feb 18, 2010