In the midst of our collective stress, pausing mid-week for “thanks” rings false. Just ick. Like a syrupy-sweet greeting card complete with fuzzy-focused hearth fire and cornucopia nearby.

If being thankful feels forced to you right now, it’s okay. You’re not alone. In fact, you’ve got lots and lots of company.

Gratitude logjam

When you get stuck, even with something like gratitude, one of the best things you can do is start small. Like, really small.

For example, here are some of the small things I’m grateful for:

• A headset that actually works (Plantronics, if you’re wondering)
• Running water
• The big bag of string cheese in the fridge
• Gmail
• Sweatpants
• allrecipes.com
• The trash hauler who works our stretch of rural highway

I could have listed bigger things, but these are what feel true today, right now. Locating a small amount of gratitude within you is like finding a vein of gold in the earth – it runs deep. But you don’t have to *start* deep. Just start where you are.

If you say, “I’m so overwhelmed right now, I don’t feel grateful for anything. Just my lungs.” That’s okay. In fact, it’s perfect. Just start with that.

The thing about gratitude.

Most people experience gratitude as effortful – as something you “should” feel. Something you must pull out of yourself. Forcing thanks feels like cold extruded plastic instead of a comforting cotton-silk blend.

Honest, genuine gratitude nourishes your heart. It gives you energy, rather than extracting it from you.

Instead of forcing yourself to feel grateful, I invite you to consider starting where you are.

Is there a small thing you feel grateful for today (even if you think it’s something not worth mentioning)?

Shall we explore why? Let’s start with a fun little pie graph.

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Let’s say that this is an image of what an ideal day looks like for the average creative person. You might not agree with everything there, but it’s a stand-in for the kind of life you’d like to have. Balanced, fulfilling, sane.

With me so far?

Okay, good. Let’s say that you have this balanced schedule in mind most of the time as your ideal in life.

Lots of perfectly intelligent people believe they can keep the same schedule while also entertaining, traveling, shopping for gifts, etc. It’ll all work out somehow. “Oh, I’m planning to work on my So-And-So and finish it over the holiday break.” (Sound familiar?) And then January 1 rolls around and they’re internally thrashing themselves for not having completed anything.

Forgetting reality

Time is kind of like the Pauli exclusion principle: two objects cannot occupy the same space at the same time. You can’t be working 100% on your business when you’re trying to relax and visit.

The chart above is a circle to represent the fact that there are a finite number of hours in the day. 24 to be exact. In that first wheel, the “work” slice of time has 8 hours. Now, in the big holiday celebration scenario, watch what happens:
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There’s still balance, it’s just different balance. Work goes down to a measly 3 hours. Instead of solid productivity, those work hours might be an hour here, 30 minutes there checking email.

The trade-off? All the other fun things like more time with family and friends! More yummy food and hanging out snacking on hors d’ouvres! Yay for holidays!

Then why does it feel so not-fun?

Holiday stress comes from not knowing how you’ll fit it all in. From rushing in blindly with a can-do-attitude. You can’t have all those activities and a normal work life. Or you’ll spend half of January recovering.

You can’t. You can’t fit it all in. There isn’t enough time.

So, let’s suppose that you want to enjoy your break and work less (or not at all). If that’s true, then lower your standards. Cut in half (or more) whatever it is you’re planning to do work-wise over the holiday break.

This way, you actually get a chance to be where you are. You can actually enjoy the people you’re with. You might be truly present (what a gift!) and even relax for a change.

Holiday “breaks” don’t happen by themselves.

You have to treat your holiday break like a pie. (Mmmm. Pie…)

Imagine your ideal work day as a yummy pie – and then imagine using a lovely silver serving utensil to cut out a slice. Decide how big a portion of spaciousness you want. Go ahead.

Decide now what work and to-dos are optional before it starts getting crazy. Then set that slice of work aside. It’ll keep. When the holidays are over you can munch on it all you like.

Persuaded?

What will you cut out over the holidays so you enjoy them more? And for bonus points, do share what kind of pie you’d like to have!

It’s the first Monday of November, folks. (How on earth did that happen?)

Now that there’s a mere 9 weeks until the end of the year, many self-employed business owners are doing an end-of-year cram session – trying to finish everything they hoped to do in 2009. Admittedly, I feel tempted to do the same. I get this feeling that I’m running out of time.

You too?

If you’re feeling end-of-year panic, take a breath or two or three. Good long slow ones. None of us is really running out of time. December 31 is just a day – in a long string of many days.

This time of year there’s a focus on the home fires, of gathering and connecting. It doesn’t mesh well with attempting to push through tons of work. So finding a balance is key.

Setting end-of-year goals for 2009

What is currently working well for me:

Being kind to myself. A while back, I made it my intention to treat myself (in my business) the way I would a paid employee. Would I ask an inspired helper to cram? No. Would I ask them to work holidays? No. Would I encourage them to take time off? Of course. So that’s how I’m treating myself. Hard? Yes. : )

Having realistic expectations of myself. I’ve learned over the years that I don’t focus well on my work when I’m preparing for the holidays. So I’m dialing back on the work load for Thanksgiving and taking almost 2 weeks off over Christmas and New Years. That’s a huge shift for me.

Choosing only one end-of-year goal. Truthfully, I have many goals but I wrote all of them down and just chose one for the end of the year. The others I put on the back burner. There’s no point in forcing them all. And I may actually have a chance of getting that one done.

Giving myself permission to rest. This is probably the hardest thing because somewhere inside me is this belief that if I have free time, I “should” be working. But as I found out in September, taking time to rest actually filled up my heart and spirit and gave me all kinds of energy and creativity.

I know this resting stuff is a hard sell for you diligent worker bees – especially if you’re strapped for cash. You think, “I can’t stop – or everything will fall apart.” But consider it.

What I’m currently working on:

Setting aside the time. The only way I really honor my need for rest is by actually putting it in my calendar. By blocking it out, I literally cannot make appointments with others. It’s that visual reminder that I need.

So, I’m going to block out the holidays/breaks I’ve chosen today – before it all runs away with me.

My goals for 2009

• Business: Release the new top-secret product to my newsletter subscribers.
• Business: Continue blogging and writing the newsletter.
• Business: Prepare for my time off so I can really enjoy it.
• Personal: Take off Thanksgiving week and December 21 – Jan 3.
• Personal: Fill up. Be silent. Journal. Pray. Meditate. Soak in all the love.

How about you?

Please share:

1. What’s going well in your end-of-year goal setting ?
2. What are you working on that you’d like to be better?
3. What are your actual goals for the rest of 2009?

Your comments on your own process are welcome. House rules: Give advice to me or others only when it’s specifically requested. This makes exploring safe and learning possible for every reader.