The costs and opportunities of life in the fast lane

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Take a moment right now to take stock of everything you need to do today. What’s on your list? If you’re like most creative people, it’s long. Would it be an understatement to call it  overwhelming?

Creative people are optimists – which is why we write to-do lists that are far longer than we can humanly accomplish. We are pretty good at denying reality and trying to pack it all in anyway.

When faced with a ton of things to do, most people try to solve the “not enough time” problem by hurrying. If we hurry, we reason, we can get everything done. In hurry mode, I imagine I look like a little time-elapse robot doing everything faster: working, reading email, brushing teeth, eating, walking, driving (eek!) – even talking with loved ones.

Not only do we speed up to fit more in, we cut corners. When I’m hurried I check out during conversations, skip flossing, disregard traffic rules. I know it’s not a good thing to do, but I’m in a hurry. Right?

Busy isn’t a virtue

Being busy is habit-forming. Once you start speeding up, it’s very hard to shut it off. We zip from one thing to the next without noticing how unsatisfying it feels. Even if we want slow down, we live in a culture that applauds a schedule that’s packed solid from dawn to bedtime. We’re pressured into doing more in less time. Ask anyone how they’re doing today, and practically no one says “fine” anymore. Everyone says “busy.”

But is busy what we’re really craving?

When I ask my clients how they want to feel ideally when they’re working, they say things like: calm, peaceful, open, connected, inspired, and alive. Sounds so appealing! That’s because we’re really not striving to feel more overwhelmed and short on time. Even if we end up getting stressed out, most people seek something more sustaining.

Busy is a choice

Being busy is an addiction that’s is challenging to recover from. Adrenaline and cortisol are hormones your body releases in response to stress. When we’re under stress, they motivate us.

Is fast useful sometimes? Sure! Back in the days of the Pony Express, a horse would be ridden at full gallop to get the mail delivered in an unprecedented amount of time (10 whole days – can you imagine?). At each checkpoint, the rider would switch to a fresh horse. Most of us know too well what it’s like for the horse who’s left behind. He collapses. It takes him days to recover. Like those ponies, we can only run at top speed for so long before we run our of energy – not to mention attention and patience.

Being busy, over-committed, and sped up don’t seem like a healthy choice for anyone (including those poor horses), but we do it every day. There’s no need to judge yourself, but waking up to it – and the consequences it has on your life – is the best place to start making a change for the better. And calmer.

The price of being in a hurry

While it can be interesting and even fun to have a life that’s packed solid, being hurried for too long can take a toll on your short-term memory, your sense of well-being, and your ability to react to small frustrations reasonably. I speak from personal experience — when I feel worried and slightly ticked-off — these are signs that my life is over-full.

Here’s the thing: when you’re at capacity, there’s nowhere for extra stress to spill. It just splashes over onto everyone and everything. You talk faster. You try to work faster. When something goes wrong, it feels catastrophic, even when you know in your head that it isn’t that big a deal. Life needs some room in it when the unexpected pops up – so when we fail to create that, we run around feeling tense and leaking this bad energy to those around us.

The other impact of being busy for too long is that people are more likely to get sick. It’s almost as if getting sick is the only way to slow the body down enough to catch one’s breath. Sometimes it’s a bad headache, or an upset digestive system. Other times it’s a full-blown virus. Your immune system just can’t keep up.

The greatest loss in being speedy is that we stop enjoying even things we love to do: enjoying delicious meals with friends, a favorite hobby, watching the kids play soccer, stroking a pet, kissing our special someone, day dreaming… We’re so busy trying to rush, to fit in one more thing, that we stop being present. We do things on automatic — meanwhile worrying about how much time it’s taking.

Busy-ness makes us lose our ability to enjoy life’s simplest pleasures.

There must be another way.

Life is for living, not running around, feathers flying, hoping the sky doesn’t fall. There’s more to your life than more. Creating balance sometimes means having less and doing less so you have room for what you crave. If you’ve been putting off a vacation, or a beloved creative outlet, or quality time with loved ones, look inward.

If you revisit your list of today’s to-dos, you might notice as you glance down the list that some of the items induce stress or dread in you. There are usually the “urgent and important” things we make time for no matter what. Beyond those you may find some other items that are interesting, compelling, and enjoyable. These are the activities most people have a harder time getting to.

Things to try:

1. Take a little time to notice what impact being over-full and in a hurry has on you, your dreams, and those you love. Do you feel satisfied?

2. Ask yourself: Is there something else you’re craving? If so, what do you really need? Trust whatever answers come up for you.

3. Notice whether there’s anything you’d consider letting go of that would add to you sense of satisfaction.

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…and what to do about it

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Abundance is here.

Do you have more stuff than you want — more paper, more books, more email, more commitments, more bills? If you’re trying to manifest abundance, stop! It’s already here! Most people I know have more to do in one week than a person could truly appreciate in a month or more.

This isn’t what we imagine abundance should look like. Personally, I imagined lying on a lounge chair on a warm beach, sipping something with a tiny umbrella in it. Ahhh.

But the abundance I have (and maybe you do too) is not the least bit relaxing. I never imagined that “abundance” would masquerade through my life as a cluttered stress-ball, but there it is.

Give me simplicity.

For many, the road from to simplicity is rocky. We like having things. We like being wanted. “I’m busy” makes us feel important. It can be hard to let go of the short-term payoffs, but this much intensity can create overwhelm in the long run.

Ask anyone whose desk is so full of paper and treasures that they can’t complete their taxes on time and are scrambling for an extension. Ask anyone who, literally, can’t find time to pee. It isn’t the kind of abundance they wanted, either, and it can suck the joy out of life.

The #1 sneaky lie that attracts overwhelm:

“I can fit it in.”

If you hear yourself say these words, freeze. This is your ego speaking.

The ego is a very specific kind of master: a task master. The ego doesn’t want simplicity, it craves complexity and drama. It wants you to be overextended.

If you want more simplicity in your life, you can beat the ego at its own game so you can act upon your deeper desires.

To do this, first it’s important to know how letting the ego rule your life and your calendar affects you.

Consequence 1: Antagonizing loved ones and strangers.

The more we attempt to fit in, the greater the chances the fight-or-flight response getting triggered.

Stress from over-commitment brings out the worst in people. Instead of being present, we’re testy. Instead of accepting, irritable. Instead of forgiving, we guilt-trip. Sometimes we hold those feelings in, which hurts our own hearts as well.

Consequence 2: Missed opportunities for connection

One night last week, Inspired Spouse came into my office to talk while I was finishing up “one last thing” that I “needed” to do. Truthfully, I heard only every 4th word and listened just enough to appease. Later, I realized that I’d missed a precious opportunity to meaningfullyconnect with my Most Important Person.

When we hurry, we miss opportunities to connect.

Consequence 3: Engaging in risky behaviors

While we’re over-committed and feeling rushed, we hurry to catch up. Traffic laws become negotiable. We tailgate. We cut people off in traffic. We speed. Suddenly our urgency is at the expense of others’ needs, including our own safety.

Consequence 4: Satisfaction denied

Cramming more to-dos into your day deprives you of the satisfaction of completing a job or task thoroughly. Many people don’t stop long enough to enjoy the feeling of completion, before rushing headlong into whatever is next. Life becomes an endless, depressing mound of stuff to do before we die.

Consequence 5: Craving more. Andmoreandmore.

It’s been proven that the faster a person eats, the greater the likelihood of overeating. The same could be said for internet usage, TV watching, gambling, reading, et cetera. When we rush to cram it all in, we immediately start to crave more because we never really have it in the first place. We’re not present enough.

Geneen Roth wisely said, “You can’t have enough of what you don’t really want.” She was speaking of food specifically — that no amount of Oreos can equal a relaxing soak in the tub. This applies to lots of other things, too. No amount of money can feel like love. Even 100 completed “to-dos” doesn’t feel like a talk with a good friend.

So what?

None of these observations is intended to convey that doing stuff is bad. On the contrary. Doing stuff is good, so long as it’s not done at the expense of your spirit and others who share the planet with you. I know that’s a tall order. I’m working on it myself.

Alternatives to “fitting it all in”.

Instead of cramming more into your day or onto your desk, here are a few suggestions to prevent “fitting more in”.

Know your limits

Reflect on how many hours of work will sustain you without creating burnout. Do you know how many social engagements can you handle each month and still enjoy yourself? Think about how many activities you really want to drive your kids to every week. When you have some limits established, it can be easier to maintain a healthy schedule and work load.

Build in buffer time.

Instead of scheduling your plans and tasks back-to-back, plan for things to take longer. My weekly appointment is a 20-minute drive, but traffic is always sketchy. When I started giving myself 30 minutes for the drive, I stopped driving like a speed demon and arrived calmer. Where might you need some buffer time?

Practice pausing.

Whether someone is asking for your time, or you’ve got something to add to your plate, catch yourself in the moment (when you can) and ask:

• Do I have to fit this in?
• Do I want to?
• Do I need (life or death) to do this?

You may choose the same way as before, but bringing consciousness to your choices makes you feel more empowered and less a victim of your “to-dos”.

Practice saying “no” kindly.

Most people think that if they’re asked, they should say yes. If you know that your week is at capacity, saying yes can push us over the edge. Saying “no” doesn’t have to be negative. When someone asks you to get together, focus on the intention behind the ask. Don’t assume that you are the only one who can handle it. Negotiate. (hint: I’m planning a fun event on this topic soon!)

Stop to celebrate and acknowledge your efforts.

Instead of rushing to the next thing, it can be profoundly satisfying to stop long enough to appreciate your efforts and recognize your accomplishments. Sometimes I ask others to do the same for me when I have a hard time believing it myself.

In the end

The contented life isn’t about having more, it’s having less and appreciating how abundant that really is.

May your week be less packed and your life more full.

Warmly,
Jennifer

Thoughts? Yeah, buts? Me toos?

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How thinking gets you into trouble – and gets you out of it, too.

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Sometimes it’s not the clutter.

Sometimes it’s what we think that causes the most trouble.

Imagine sitting down at your computer to check your email and, when you open the inbox, the number total unopened emails is in the 4-digits.

You look at that number glowing on your screen and quietly think to yourelf,

“I’m so behind. I’m never going to catch up.”

That little comment to yourself is so quiet that you hardly even notice it. Even if you do, it’s so quick, it barely registers before you’re on to the next thing.

Looking deeper

The effect that thought has on you is immense. Deep in your brain, that thought triggers a response to a threat. Your body begins to prepare for battle or flight – skin begins to sweat, heart rate increases, adrenaline is released to give you the power to run.

Most of the time, you have no idea it’s even happening. Your brain is on auto-pilot.

The problem is that you can’t put this response to good use. You can’t punch your inbox’s lights out. And, faced with 1000 emails, you probably won’t take flight and run screaming down the hall. All the body triggers are out of alignment with the actual stimulus.

Overload

Worst of all, if you’re like a lot of stressed-out, busy people, you’re constantly thinking these kinds of thoughts:

I’m so behind.
I should have this done by now.
I promised I’d have this back to her.
My client is showing up any minute.
I’m never going to get caught up.
I’ll never break through.
I forgot that AGAIN!?
I should be doing way more than I am.

Say these kinds of things to yourself enough times and you’ll feel like you’re always running and always fighting for some peace.

Case in point

If you’ve ever had the illusion that Jen Hofmann has it all figured out, think again. A couple of months ago I started having heart fluttering and chest pain – accompanied by pretty awful digestive problems. I had no idea what was going on and I was really scared.

Interestingly, right before the symptoms started, I had been thinking about how January was (in my mind) “a wash” and I kept telling myself, “I wasted a whole month. I should have been doing more to grow my business.”

I was talking myself into a mental frenzy – for what? January was fine.

When the symptoms started, I failed to see what a compassionate physician did: I was stressed to the point of anxiety. All because of my thoughts.

Stress isn’t a baseline state

When it comes to surviving en encounter with an angry mastodon, stress is a lifesaver. But when your opponent is your inbox or your kitchen counter or the vacuum cleaner, that level of stress is out of alignment. We all do it, but it really does us harm. Ask any cardiac expert.

Thoughts are an inside job

Lots of people jump to the conclusion that if the inbox is causing you stress, the solution is to clean it out. I say, woah there. Not so fast.

Instead, I invite you on a journey of far greater subtlety:

1. Practice noticing your thoughts.

Like a lot of people, if you can’t see something, it doesn’t exist. Inspired Spouse suggested yesterday that I start keeping a list of the thoughts that come up for me. What a fabulous idea. I’m keeping a running list for the next week, just to see what’s there.

Neutrally observing your beliefs is freeing in a way that a desperately clean desk isn’t.

2. See your thoughts as visitors, not guests.

Instead of opening the door and willy-nilly letting in any thought, ask yourself if you want what they’re selling.

Just because a Girl Scout rings the bell, doesn’t mean she can move into the guest room. Just because you think you’re behind, doesn’t mean that belief needs to move in and run your life.

When you start seeing your thoughts as visitors, you’re actively loosening the hold they have on your spirit – not to mention your autonomic nervous system. You get to decide what stays and what goes – which is empowering.

3. Gently start sending your thoughts away.

In other words, when you notice a thought, don’t cause more damage by telling yourself, “Dummy! Why are you thinking that again?”

Be gentle.

Notice if there are thoughts you want to release because they’re not really true. If you’re feeling behind, behind compared to what? What if it were okay to be exactly where you are right now, even if it’s not where you wanted to be?

The key is to begin to cultivate gentleness toward yourself.

The thoughts inside your head are sometimes harsh and cruel – and you can’t thrive in an environment like that. When you put your spirit in front of the line, the thoughts may still come up but they won’t run your life. It might be a long journey to get to that place, but just think of the possibilities.

Thoughts? Yeah, buts? Me toos?

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As you walk and eat and travel, be where you are, otherwise you will miss most of your life.”
- Siddhartha Gautama (Buddha)

If you started your business to contribute something good to the world, how ironic it is that the practical day-to-day work seems so unrelenting sometimes?

“In Praise of Slowness” by Carl Honore is a fantastic book that addresses this problem of speed at the expense of happiness. He contends that the pace of life has so accelerated that it takes the joy and meaning out of everything we do – even the stuff we love.

Are you speeding?

I have a tendency to rush through things – sometimes at the expense of my own happiness. Like that wonderful Buddha quote, I’m in such a hurry that I miss out on the small joys of everyday tasks. I miss out on the sense of accomplishment. I rush past tender moments of connection with others.

Speed creeps up, too.

In the Oregon forests is a holistic business that I love, dedicated to spiritual retreat and self-nourishment . Even there, the pace has accelerated noticeably over the 10 years.

Artfully hand-drawn signage has been replaced by laminated computer printouts. A warm, live person on the phone has been replaced with a complicated phone tree. Instead of a valued guest, I’ve begun to feel like an unremarkable part of the crowd.

The drive to be quick is killing originality and beauty. Personally, I mourn its loss.

Fear is the fuel for speed

In the current economic climate, many of my clients and peers are catching the panic bug that rides on the coattails of uncertainty. We have a whole lot of uncertainty right now.

What a lot of people do with this fear is work harder – almost frenetically. You might be pushing to think up new ways to market your business. You might create new products and services.

A lot of the work I see happening right now is good – but it’s stemming from panic. Which is hard on your spirit.

What’s your little business to do?

If you want to make your business stand out and you want to enjoy your work more, monotask.

Do one task at a time with your whole heart.

Sound impossible?

Consider the alternative: According to helpguide.org, stress-related complaints include headaches, diarrhea or constipation, nausea, dizziness, insomnia, chest pain, weight gain, loss of sex drive, frequent colds (due to compromised immune system). 60-90% of all illnesses reported to physicians are related to our sped-up culture.

Holy cow. If that’s not a call to slow down, I don’t know what is.

Stepping off the speedy superhighway

Like Honore says in the book, “slowness” doesn’t mean you have to stop working entirely or be snail-paced and poky. Monotasking just means you bring mindfulness to every thing you do.

Therein lies freedom from worry and the source of contentment.

Things to try…

1. Breathe, trust, practice

Step out of the fray to stop as often as you can. Breathe mindfully and do something that nourishes your spirit like listening to soothing music, yoga, or taking a walk in nature.

If you can do 20 minutes or more per day, great, but fit in what you are able. Reconnecting with Something Larger Than You can help you remember what the real priorities in life are about.

2. Help yourself create focus

Are you uncertain about where to start because you have too many options? (hug) You’re not alone. Ask yourself this question to gain clarity and focus: “What would bring me the greatest peace if I completed it?” Trust the answer that comes up.

3. Work mindfully

Work as if this is the only thing you have to do right now. Bring your full attention to it by eliminating distractions where possible. Work on one task at a time, bringing each to completion before moving on to another.

Care to comment?