How thinking gets you into trouble – and gets you out of it, too.

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Sometimes it’s not the clutter.

Sometimes it’s what we think that causes the most trouble.

Imagine sitting down at your computer to check your email and, when you open the inbox, the number total unopened emails is in the 4-digits.

You look at that number glowing on your screen and quietly think to yourelf,

“I’m so behind. I’m never going to catch up.”

That little comment to yourself is so quiet that you hardly even notice it. Even if you do, it’s so quick, it barely registers before you’re on to the next thing.

Looking deeper

The effect that thought has on you is immense. Deep in your brain, that thought triggers a response to a threat. Your body begins to prepare for battle or flight – skin begins to sweat, heart rate increases, adrenaline is released to give you the power to run.

Most of the time, you have no idea it’s even happening. Your brain is on auto-pilot.

The problem is that you can’t put this response to good use. You can’t punch your inbox’s lights out. And, faced with 1000 emails, you probably won’t take flight and run screaming down the hall. All the body triggers are out of alignment with the actual stimulus.

Overload

Worst of all, if you’re like a lot of stressed-out, busy people, you’re constantly thinking these kinds of thoughts:

I’m so behind.
I should have this done by now.
I promised I’d have this back to her.
My client is showing up any minute.
I’m never going to get caught up.
I’ll never break through.
I forgot that AGAIN!?
I should be doing way more than I am.

Say these kinds of things to yourself enough times and you’ll feel like you’re always running and always fighting for some peace.

Case in point

If you’ve ever had the illusion that Jen Hofmann has it all figured out, think again. A couple of months ago I started having heart fluttering and chest pain – accompanied by pretty awful digestive problems. I had no idea what was going on and I was really scared.

Interestingly, right before the symptoms started, I had been thinking about how January was (in my mind) “a wash” and I kept telling myself, “I wasted a whole month. I should have been doing more to grow my business.”

I was talking myself into a mental frenzy – for what? January was fine.

When the symptoms started, I failed to see what a compassionate physician did: I was stressed to the point of anxiety. All because of my thoughts.

Stress isn’t a baseline state

When it comes to surviving en encounter with an angry mastodon, stress is a lifesaver. But when your opponent is your inbox or your kitchen counter or the vacuum cleaner, that level of stress is out of alignment. We all do it, but it really does us harm. Ask any cardiac expert.

Thoughts are an inside job

Lots of people jump to the conclusion that if the inbox is causing you stress, the solution is to clean it out. I say, woah there. Not so fast.

Instead, I invite you on a journey of far greater subtlety:

1. Practice noticing your thoughts.

Like a lot of people, if you can’t see something, it doesn’t exist. Inspired Spouse suggested yesterday that I start keeping a list of the thoughts that come up for me. What a fabulous idea. I’m keeping a running list for the next week, just to see what’s there.

Neutrally observing your beliefs is freeing in a way that a desperately clean desk isn’t.

2. See your thoughts as visitors, not guests.

Instead of opening the door and willy-nilly letting in any thought, ask yourself if you want what they’re selling.

Just because a Girl Scout rings the bell, doesn’t mean she can move into the guest room. Just because you think you’re behind, doesn’t mean that belief needs to move in and run your life.

When you start seeing your thoughts as visitors, you’re actively loosening the hold they have on your spirit – not to mention your autonomic nervous system. You get to decide what stays and what goes – which is empowering.

3. Gently start sending your thoughts away.

In other words, when you notice a thought, don’t cause more damage by telling yourself, “Dummy! Why are you thinking that again?”

Be gentle.

Notice if there are thoughts you want to release because they’re not really true. If you’re feeling behind, behind compared to what? What if it were okay to be exactly where you are right now, even if it’s not where you wanted to be?

The key is to begin to cultivate gentleness toward yourself.

The thoughts inside your head are sometimes harsh and cruel – and you can’t thrive in an environment like that. When you put your spirit in front of the line, the thoughts may still come up but they won’t run your life. It might be a long journey to get to that place, but just think of the possibilities.

Thoughts? Yeah, buts? Me toos?

9 comments

The “What do YOU do?” series invites you to share your organizing insights and ideas and gives you a glimpse into my life as a messy, creative person. Jump in – you’re an expert on your own experience.

Knowing I have a lot of un-replied-to emails in my inbox stresses me out. The story in my head is something like, “I should reply to people as soon as they email me.” But that is a very stressful (and unrealistic) expectation.

Replying to email promptly and sanely.

What is currently working well for me:

I have structures. Twice a day, 3 days a week, I’ve scheduled 30 minutes with my inbox. It’s written on my Google calendar and I get a little pop-up “ding dong!” 10 minutes before hand. That’s 3ish hours a week devoted to checking and answering email.

I have systems. When folks purchase The Wish Kit or sign up for my newsletter, I use a special auto-responder that sends them a confirmation email. I don’t have to be at my desk for them to receive what they ordered. It’s sweet. It’s fast.

The other system I recently implemented is setting up 1-on-1 appointments using timedriver.com (hat tip: Marissa Bracke). This has saved me countless back-and-forth emails trying to find a convenient meeting time across time zones. Whew!

What I’m currently working on:

I want to reply faster. Confession time. At the moment, I have emails awaiting responses that are over 3 weeks old. And one from Charlie Gilkey that’s from August. Please, please don’t compare yourself against this – what I’m getting at is the anxiety I feel from having a high volume of email and not replying as quickly as I’d like. Yuck.

It all goes back to the days when I was in school and trying to hide the fact that I’d forgotten to do my homework for the Nth time. Oh, the shame… Email makes me feel this way sometimes.

Differentiating between IHO emails and personal emails. All my emails come to one box. I don’t fritter a lot of time away on personal emails during work time, but I do forget to answer them entirely once the computer is shut off for the weekend.

3 hours a week isn’t enough. It’s hard, but it’s true. I think the remedy is in the next section.

Differentiating between informational email and work email. By this I mean that some emails are ones I can read and file easily. Done. Other emails are requests for work, for time, for attention. I cannot read and file these, because they’re incomplete. I’m still learning how to say no to some requests for my time and how to follow-through effectively on others.

How do YOU return email promptly?

Please share what works for you -  and what you’re still learning!

Your comments on your own process are welcome. House rules: Give advice to me or others only when it’s specifically requested. This makes exploring safe and learning possible for every reader.

4 comments

A soulful, backwards way to create change in your work and life

With a title like this, you must think that I’ve finally gone off the deep end.

I’m in my right mind. Honest.

If you’ve been reading very long, you already know that I am a self-professed messy, creative person. The ideas I share and the concepts I teach come directly from my personal journey with creating order in my business and my life.

Well, I want to share with you a secret that I discovered along this sometimes chaotic path to soulful, inspired organization.

I stepped on the scale last week – and surprised myself!

Even though my approach works for my clients every day, sometimes I still surprise myself. For example, last week I was shocked to find that, without doing much, I’d easily lost 10 pounds. Off my body.

After resisting diets and exercise for years, this was nothing short of miraculous.

And. On top of this, I realized that my life, in and outside of work, is more balanced that ever before. My desk stays clean. I’m having more fun. I’m enjoying my life more.

I’m no Goody Two Shoes.

It wasn’t always this way. Just ask my family. I was scattered, sloppy, over-committed, and prone to bouts of exhaustion and drama after overextending myself for too long.

So, like the weight loss, the balance I feel in my work and the enjoyment I feel in my life are nothing short of miraculous.

And I haven’t worked all that hard at it.

Here’s how I got from there to here (and so can you)

I started accepting myself exactly as I am right now.

(Before your roll your eyes and click away, bear with me.)

Here’s what I mean:

I took a good long look at my life and discovered that guilt and self-judgment weren’t all that effective at making the changes I wanted in my life. Yelling at myself for my clutter didn’t improve anything, it just made me feel really badly. Berating myself for forgetting a commitment didn’t get me to change. I just felt horrible instead.

Maybe you can relate to wanting something to change (your office, for example). To be different – and yet not be able to make it happen.

In my heart, I honestly wanted to have less clutter, more clarity, more free time. One day, it dawned on me that harsh self-judgment just wasn’t that effective at creating the results I wanted.

So I started experimenting with a totally different strategy: acceptance.

The golden key

In the words of educator, Carl Rogers, “People only seriously consider change when they feel accepted for exactly who they are.” Acceptance is the key. Acceptance has the power to transform.

The acceptance, in this case, was coming from within.

It was halting at first, make no mistake. But over time, I began to accept myself and my choices as neutral and things started to shift.

Here’s why acceptance is the golden key: If you’re trying to grow a business, you need business skills. More importantly, it’s you who’s running the business, so you also need self skills. Acceptance is arguably the most important.

The litmus test

If you’re not sure if you’re being judgmental or accepting, imagine saying or doing to someone else (an employee, for example) what you’re saying or doing to yourself.

Berating yourself for another missed appointment or overdue bill? Insisting that you work 10 days in a row without any free time to dream? Harshly critiquing your work as inferior or substandard?

Can you imagine doing or saying these things to another living soul? If not, this is your litmus test. You could use some acceptance.

Judgment says: “You slob. Why can’t you ever keep anything organized?”
Acceptance says: “Hmm. I can’t see the surface of my desk.” (neutral)

Judgment says: “I’m so fat and ugly. I don’t deserve clothes that feel good.”
Acceptance says: “I weigh 188 pounds.” (neutral)

Judgment says: “Taking time for myself is unimportant and selfish.”
Acceptance says: “I’m not sure what I’d do with some me-time.” (neutral)

Is there room for more acceptance in your life?

Acceptance is a decision you make again and again.

And again. The amazing thing is that when you accept yourself and free your spirit from self-judgment, your stuckest, most unappealing behaviors and traits will start to shift. Without having to work so hard.

My clean office, 10 pounds lost, and happy heart are proof.

Things to try

1. Notice your self talk and whether there is room for more kindness in it.

2. Practice saying things that are neutral, rather than judgmental. Even if it feels awkward. This will take practice.

3. Celebrate small successes. With this technique, change comes in bite-sized pieces. Practice noticing them and congratulating yourself when they happen.

5 comments

How I got into debt in the first place

I’ve just typed this title and now I’m staring at it. Thinking hard.

How did I get here, anyway?

In all likelihood, I got here by spending a little here and a little there. A few extravagant dinners a year didn’t seem like much. A vacation there – well, I deserved a break. I quit my job and started a business. Twice. My car needed repair. I bought groceries, heating oil and gasoline.

I didn’t wake up one day and say, “You know, I feel like spending 30,702 bucks! Charge!”

Debt arrived in dribs and drabs.

In truth, I feel a lot of shame about this debt. When I feel ashamed, I want to make excuses to explain my behavior. But explaining also leaves me feeling like a victim of my own choices. Which is crazy because I made them. I signed the receipts. I just didn’t realize how many.

So out of this mental pickle came a realization: I’ve spent unconsciously.

Two things I’m doing about debt

Back in elementary school gym class, we had these colorful, sturdy cups with a looped string attached. You’d stand precariously on top, a cup under each foot,  and hold the string while attempting to clomp forward. Remember those?

Getting out of debt, for me, has felt like walking on those cups. I’ve been taking one awkward, clompy step at a time.

Step one is compassion and forgiveness.

I have such a hard time with this. I mean, I know it’s good for me to be kind and compassionate with myself. I talk about this all the time. But it’s hard.

If I’m so not happy about the debt, it makes some sick kind of sense that I should be mean and judgmental with myself about it. That somehow this would help. But it doesn’t. I can learn from my choices without being hurtful to my spirit.

So, whenever I pay a bill, I take a deep breath and say, “You made a choice. You have a plan.” And I breathe some kindness toward myself. Clomp clomp.

Step two is honesty.

Mind you, I’m no financial expert. And I don’t play one on television. So my process for getting honest with myself comes from my own research and a stalwart desire to get the heck out of debt – not a degree in finance.

I started with a debt summary. That’s a fancy way of saying: “I wrote down all my loans and all my credit card balances.” Last month, I added them all up and got $30,702.

(Can you feel yourself reacting to that number?)

Maybe you’ve got more debt than that. Maybe less. But discovering the actual number was powerful for me. I was being honest with myself.

It was a clompy, awkward step. And stressful – so I gave myself some compassion.

And even though I’m wobbly, I’m finding my balance

As I’ve been alternating between compassion and honesty over the last 6 months, I’ve managed to shave off about $1500 from the total debt. And – WOO! – that feels good.

Feeling some control over the situation finally came from cultivating a few effective, soul-nourishing systems.

Granted, the total still feels to staggering to me, but like I tell my clients, “When you change any part of a system, the whole structure changes.” Even the tiniest action begins a snowball of progress that grows larger over time.

Holding the space

I’m taking other steps that I’ll reveal in other posts, but I want to stop here in case you want some room to digest this topic. We like to take small steps around here. Or try.

My plan is to check back in next month and let you know how it’s coming along, celebrate my successes, and share the journey. Would you like to, too?

I welcome your comments on your own financial or debt situation. I also request kindly, firmly, that you not give advice to me or others unless it’s specifically requested. This makes exploring safe and learning possible for every reader.

So. Debt. Small business. Honesty and compassion. What thoughts and ideas come up for you as you read this post?

17 comments

Making friends with the whims of concentration

Please enjoy this sample narration from my brain last week while I was attempting to work on an Important Thing:

Argh! The cat’s licking is driving me crazy!! I wonder what’s on Twitter? (opens Twitter and reads a few entries)

I need to do that THING! Argh! Quit farting around! (closes Twitter) Okay, now work. (attempts to start the THING)

I wonder why those bees are hanging around outside my window… (ponders) What’s in my email inbox? (checks) Wait – what was I doing – oh! The THING!

Argh!

Two hours later, the THING was not done.

When I was a kid, it was the same scenario except I was supposed to be cleaning my room. I’d get distracted by some fascinating thing (shell collection, old books, etc.) in the attempt and my mom would speak from another room, “I don’t hear any cleaning going on in there.”

It used to drive my mom batty. Now it drives ME batty. If I had an employer, I’d have someone to keep me on task (maybe). But, like many, I am self-employed and sometimes get hopelessly off-track and can’t get back on.

Traction or distraction?

If I had traction, I would be moving forward with the THING. But in the scenario above, I was completely distracted and unable to focus.

If you have ADD or just think you do, maybe you can relate. We all have days like this. In fact, one of my favorite authors, Ned Hallowell, theorizes that even those without ADD may have the same behaviors when trying to juggle too many things.

If you get distracted like this periodically, it’s pretty normal. But, since it’s hardly a desirable place to be in very long, you might be wondering what to do about it?

Moving toward traction

Bouts of distraction happen. That’s just how it is.

Everyone has different symptoms when they’re feeling distracted, but the outcome is usually the same: you’re busy, but your work’s not purposeful.

Since I really believe it’s your office’s job to support you, sometimes making small adjustments to your space can help you feel less distracted so you can focus better.

Notice

Small adjustments come from the little things you notice around you. Be curious for a moment about what’s distracting you. On the crazy day I described above the sun’s glare was bothering me. I noticed the cat’s repetitious grooming. I looked around me and saw multiple open project folders were vying for my attention.

All of the things you notice are great information.

Adjust accordingly

Once you realize what’s pulling you off-track, take a couple of minutes to manage your experience. Remove the attention-grabbers. Your sanity is worth it.

For myself, I closed the blinds to keep the glare out of my eyes, I moved the cat off my lap, I put a project away that was messing up my desk, and closed the other blinds because the sun moved (well, technically, the earth moved).

Anyway, managing my experience helped me concentrate enough to start the THING.

Except when that doesn’t work

I tried to start the THING and got distracted. Again.

And then I humbly realized: I can’t bend focus to my will. Concentration can only be managed. Even in the clearest, most refreshing spaces sometimes people still can’t concentrate.

When focus is an Inside Job

When adjusting your external space doesn’t work, it’s time to look inside yourself and find out what is really happening. It’s what I call an Inside Job.

If your brain is zipping along at breakneck speed – while you’re compulsively checking email, Facebook, Twitter, and photos of your dogs all at the same time – it’s a symptom.

Sometimes you need a break. Or a glass of water. Or a 2-week vacation. No matter which way you slice it, your brain needs to be allowed to run free.

A desk can drag you down

Once upon a time, people moved around. They walked places, moved their bodies for work, rode animals, collected their own food. Frankly, it wasn’t that long ago.

Today, I know a lot of people who, for work, sit at desks for a large portion of the day. Me, for one. Now, that’s not such a bad thing. If not for the internet, Inspired Home Office wouldn’t exist.

But for many people that natural, vital movement is gone.

What to do about it

That compulsive internet checking is an attempt to meet the need for movement, except that it doesn’t work very well.

If you beat yourself up because you can’t concentrate, take a fresh look at what’s happening.

Robert Fritz, another of my very favorite authors, believes that taking breaks is vital to creativity. Who hasn’t gotten a good idea in the shower? Or out walking?

If you’re not productive and feeling antsy, move. That’s right. Get on up and get away from your desk. Do something you like. You’ll be surprised what good it’ll do you – and how much better you’ll concentrate when you get back.

10 comments

Surprising discoveries about the nature of your workspace

This week, I learned something that shocked me.

Not once, but twice – in one week – someone told me that they really liked my newsletter and that they would schedule a one-on-one with me once they got their office cleaned up.

This wasn’t a sales conversation, mind you, they just offered this information because they really, really like Inspired Home Office.

That last part – about cleaning up before getting help – totally shocked me.

Jen gets a clue

I talked over this discovery with Inspired Spouse. As a dental hygienist, she shared that if people don’t brush before their cleaning, “they feel embarrassed and are really apologetic.”

This made perfect sense.

It feels pretty awkward to be seen with your stuff hanging out. No wonder people want to clean up before getting help.

Reassurance for embarrassment

If you feel embarrassed about how your office looks, take heart. You are in good company. Two people last week and plenty more. In fact, I’m still blushing about the “before” photo I posted last week from the before-and-after photos of my own office redesign.

If the thought of sharing a photo of your space makes you squirm, whoo! I completely understand! I want to offer you reassurance that you don’t have everything figured out. Your space doesn’t have to be perfect or clutter free.

Your inner critic might have a million things to say about the current condition of your space, but rest assured – it is really okay as-is. Gummed up and uncomfortable is remarkably normal.

Your office is like a puppy

Have you ever tried to train a puppy? They are so cute and wiggly and (ahem) kind of messy. Your workspace is kind of like a puppy – it’s creative and wiggly and it gets messy all over the place. Believe it or not, that mess is actually quite useful (I’ll get to that in a minute).

Requiring yourself to clean up your office before getting support is kind of like insisting your puppy be obedient before taking her to puppy school.

If your puppy is still in that goofy phase, she might not be perfect in class, but you get a lot out of taking it together. It’s fun to learn and grow together. And you can use what you learn later when you’re both more experienced.

Mess is useful.

If you have a messy office, starting from where you are right now can be good for the same reasons. You may not be able to implement everything immediately, but you’ll learn a lot of skills you can use again and again.

The other thing? With no puppy, it’s hard to practice teaching her to “sit” and “stay”.

Mess gives you the raw materials for an organizing system. If you throw it all away, it actually slows down the organizing process. You have to wait till it all comes back again and then organize.

You might look around you and think, “Well, if mess is useful, I have a lot of useful in here.” If you do, I invite you to notice if you’re isolating yourself because you think you have to figure it all out before you can get help figuring it out.

Nothing to do – no judgment – just notice if you expect that of yourself.

Things to try

1. Inquire. If you want more structure in your space, think about what your needs are. Do you need a buddy? Do you need a clear goal? Do you need an incentive (chocolate, anyone)? What would give you the support you need?

2. Try a little tenderness. Practice being gentle with yourself and create compassionate expectations (not brutal ones). Treat yourself like you would a cherished friend. If puppies get pats and rewards, so can you.

3. Notice if you want support. Support can look like a lot of different things. You may have someone you trust that you can include in your process. You can read this to feel encouraged and nourished. Think about if there’s support you’ve been missing.

What’s important is that you find a way to begin.

As you create organic systems in your space, you’ll get more focus in your business, more spaciousness for your creativity, more income (who couldn’t use more of that?), and more confidence to move your plans forward.

Organizing doesn’t have to be embarrassing or painful, it just has to work for you. What do you need to move forward today?

2 comments

The whys and wherefores of virtual spring cleaning

So first of all, let me ‘fess up that today’s topic is as much catharsis for me as it might be for you.

Confession: I subscribe to stuff I never intent to read.

I mean, I want to read about my friends’ businesses, and my airline’s latest deals, and that cool networking organization in town. But when push comes to shove, I don’t. It just clutters up my inbox enough that I sometimes miss the important stuff.

What that means to have inbox clutter

Every email you receive requires you to make decisions.

“Do I think I’ll need this?”
“Do I have time to read this right now?”
“Do I have time to respond?”
“Should I keep this?”
“Arrgh! What was I doing?”

Whether your inbox has 40 or 1400 unread messages, it’s no wonder you feel ill thinking about it. There’s a lot of work.

That’s the other thing about inbox clutter – overwhelm. If you’re like most people, you have a belief that you “should” make a choice about each email. You “should” read each on thoroughly. Respond to each thoughtfully. And believing all these things makes a body overwhelmed.

Dood. You do not have to deal with each and every email in your inbox.

Honest.

However, you might want to deal with some of them. I mean, there’s some good stuff in there, too. Right?

Virtual Spring Cleaning

If this topic is striking a nerve for you, consider one of two suggestions to virtually spring clean your inbox.

The short-term approach:

Start deleting stuff you don’t want when it arrives. Even if you think you “should” read it. There’s a handy little “delete” button on most email programs for that very purpose.

Warning: it might feel odd.

Doing this reminds me of those gorgeous, colorful mandalas that Buddhist monks create. They spend hours, days creating intricate patterns with individual grains of sand. When it’s all complete, they sweep it all up.

Gone. No attachment. It might take some practice to not be attached, but it’s a lofty intention. It’s also a powerful way to care for yourself.

The long term approach:

If you google “email clutter” you will find a million good ideas on how to make progress in this area.

Here’s what I suggest: start noticing and being curious about ways to prevent email. It’s that old adage about an ounce of prevention being worth a pound of cure.

Unsubscribe.

Do you subscribe to newsletters you never read? At the bottom of each of them is a link you can click that will stop you from receiving them forever. If you get 4 per month, that prevents almost 50 emails.

Every now and then, Inspired Home Office gets a smattering of “unsubscribes” from the newsletter. I confess, it used to hurt my feelings… but one day I realized. Hey! You’re decluttering! How cool is that?! Now I celebrate them. (Call me crazy, but I call it progress.)

Stop subscribing.

Do you sign up for every cool person’s RSS feed? Do you give your email away to any company that asks? Start noticing if you’d like to be more discriminate before the emails start pouring in.

I do this a lot with mail-order companies. If you purchase one thing, they often start sending you promotions right away. If they have a click box during the payment process, I “opt out” then so I never have to decide again.

Try filters, rules, and secondary folders

If you want to, you can use your email program to do the heavy lifting for you.

Most of us understand how spam filters work. You can use this same concept to automatically filter out messages from people or companies you want to hear from, just not right now.

Though every email program is different, most allow you to filter messages to bypass the inbox and stick them into a secondary folder you can read at your pleasure. I do this and it’s WAY less distracting to check my email – and way less overwhelming. I dare say it’s even fun.

The goal is to decide once – and free up your precious time and energy.

It takes time, but you’re worth it.

Care to comment?

Have you ever had “one of those days?” Or a whole week of them?

“How are you, today?”
“Oh, fine.”

Even though you don’t feel fine.

It takes a lot of energy to put on a plastic smile. I mean a lot. In fact, forcing emotions can make you feel drained of energy in the long run.

What’s really happening?

For any variety of interesting reasons, we deem true emotions unfit for public consumption. Somehow we adopted the belief that it’s not okay to be crabby. Or to feel off-balance. Or let it show.

If you keep your feelings isolated inside, you can feel very isolated.

(Bear with me and we’ll tie this into office organization in a minute. Honest.)

“Problem Identification”

In my opinion, “venting” gets a bad rap. Venting – as in: getting stuff of your chest. So instead, I started calling it “Problem Identification”. Makes it sound fancy and productive, doesn’t it?

Actually, it is productive.

If you give yourself permission to share what’s happening inside you, amazing things can happen. Just yesterday, I “Identified a Problem” that has been a source of frustration for weeks.

Okay. It was more than a “source of frustration.” I was a ball of nerves. I felt stressed, anxious, confused, ticked off, and I was taking everything (even unrelated things) 100% personally. You ever have one of those days? It sucks.

The productive part

Well. Yesterday, I got tired of stewing. I wrote a Problem Identification email to my two mastermind buddies and just let ‘er rip. What I was confused about. What I was angry about. What was frustrating me. (It’s not you, honest.)

By the time I wrote this bullet-pointed missive, I was already feeling better. I got it all off my chest. And their empathic replies started me grinning.

Lisa’s email said:

…sometimes it’s just fine to just be a big, angry, stompy-booted, annoyed person about it.

Isn’t she awesome? Then she said,

Letting yourself have that is self-care too.

Suddenly the mountain was a rightful molehill again.

How Problem Identification works

Want to get stompy-booted and unstuck, too?

1. Acknowledge that all is not right.
2. Ask someone you trust if they’re willing to listen without trying to “fix” you (important!).
3. Share the whole ugly mess of thoughts and feelings.

Problem Identification is only half the solution.

You’ve probably met people who only focus on the Identification part. They wear you down, don’t they? If you stop at Problem Identification, you just keep stewing in your own juices.

What’s needed next are Solutions.

In science, a “solution” involves mixing dense matter into less dense matter which dilutes its potency. A nerdy analogy, yes, but Problem Identification is a dense thing that you can mix into your spacious, not-dense curiosity. And the problem dissolves.

For example, once you’ve had a good vent, you can explore:

What is one small baby step I can take to move this forward?

What is one small shift that will move me from “stuck and irritated” into “clear and empowered?”

But only after you’ve had The Vent.

What the heck does this have to do with organizing?

I love it when you ask that.

Have you ever noticed that you get irritated and frustrated by your work space from time to time (or all the time?).

If you share this frustration with someone, it helps you move out of the mental snarl of negative self-talk. It helps you get clear about Exactly What Isn’t Working and how gol-blasted irritating it is.

Suddenly, there’s space in you to be curious about Solutions.  And you can move forward.

How cool is that?

You’re your own organizing expert

No one knows what you need better than you do (not even me!).

So inquire:

What’s bugging you about your office lately? Let it all out to someone you trust. Then cultivate curiosity about what you need and how you want to move forward.

Oh – and let me know how it goes!

Care to comment?

How to get honest to goodness results on your 2009 intentions.

Have you been asked yet?

If you haven’t already, someone’s going to ask you, “What’s your New Year’s resolution this year?”

A lot of folks roll their eyes because they know that mid-February, we’ve forgotten when we’d even resolved to do.

Why the skepticism? Because changing is hard work. Ask anyone who’s tried and you’ll get ample commiseration.

Finding resolve

The problem with a resolution is that it’s just short of a wish. It can be a positive, healthy idea (losing 10 pounds, stopping nagging, volunteering, etc.) – but often lacks inherent motivation.

Instead of creating a resolution you’ll forget later – or rejecting the whole resolution idea entirely – why not set yourself up for success?

Getting traction

A resolution, first and foremost, must be something you’d love. If it’s punishment or a “should”, it just won’t stick. And then you’ll feel like a failure when you stop. I’ll bet you know that scenario already.

A resolution has to be something so compelling and delightful that you get excited just thinking about it.

Okay, but how does THAT work?

You have places in your life that you want to fix, right? But when you try to “fix” them, (ugh!) nothing happens. You resist. You lose momentum. You forget.

Don’t “fix.” Instead, resolve to do something you’d really love. Because when you allow yourself to do the things you love, suddenly the things you “should” do start getting done all by themselves. It’s magic.

It beats the alternative

You, me, we all do ourselves harm by wrenching our spirits into submission. By declaring that you’ll complete everything you start, for example, you hurt the part of you that needs flexibility. By resolving to clear out every last scrap of paper, you harm the part of you that needs rest.

Life isn’t linear – it’s a long series of course-corrections. So creating a loving, exciting resolution allows you to dance with the process instead of breaking your spirit. Resolving to do something compelling has a different energy and intention to it.

Hiding the pill in the bologna

It might be tempting to play a little game with yourself that attempts to make a “should” more enticing. Your brain asks something like – how can I make clearing out my file cabinet something I love?

You see where I’m going with this?

I call this “hiding the pill in the bologna” (the sneaky way to give dogs their medicine). Your spirit’s going know if you’re trying to manipulate it and the plan will flop. Unless it’s some reeealy good bologna. If you’re thinking along this line, it’s a great thing to notice.

Hiding the pill in the bologna isn’t a vision, it’s just sneaky. And your heart knows it.

Why resolve at all?

There’s something magical about January 1st. We’re just coming out of the darkest days of the year. Despite the predictions for 2009, little green buds of hope are poking out bravely.

January is a clean slate with the bonus gift of wisdom from years past.

Resolutions honor the closure of one year and the opening of a new one. They’re about focusing your intentions and energy toward specific life-affirming goals. And, even though change can be a little scary, you probably like variety in your life. So, why not?

Things to try:

1. Notice if you have a “should” resolution already.

Ask if there’s something The Committee has been harping on you forever. Mental clutter like this is as important to observe as physical clutter.

Maybe you have carried “shoulds” about your workspace, your finances, your body, etc. Just make space to notice if you’ve been forcing results in your life without success.

2. Honor the “shoulds” and let them go.

Take a moment and thank yourself for trying so hard to improve these aspects of your life. Give yourself some much-needed acknowledgment and appreciation for the effort you’ve put in.

Give yourself permission to set these goals aside so that you can discover what would truly be good for you.

3. Find out what you really want.

Ask yourself: What would bring me more peace and contentment in my life and work? What do I need?

Let answers bubble up from within you and jot them down. The ideas you receive are the raw material for creating a compelling, loving, and fun intention for 2009.

By incorporating something you love as your resolution, the “shoulds” will take care of themselves. Try it and see!

Care to comment?

How non-judgment can heal the chaos

If you look around you in overwhelm at the stuff that’s still on your desk from who-knows-when, take solace.

Sometimes that stuff is there because it’s comforting. It might even help you feel like you have a handle on things better than if it were all tucked invisibly away. This physical stuff can help you feel grounded – even if it’s more than you really want around you all the time.

There’s a beautiful thing at work when you keep clutter around you this way.

Stuff – it’s self-care. It’s compassion.

In a world that can sometimes seem hostile and overwhelming, it can be comforting to return to the familiar of your stuff. You can see it. It’s real. And it’s yours.

You’re waiting for the “but,” right?

Don’t be surprised that there isn’t a “but.”

If having your stuff around you makes you feel safer, I applaud you for finding a little peace in this life. A lot of people don’t.

If you make neat little piles of things because you need to feel some kind of control in life, good for you. This is beautiful. It’s self-care.

If you print things very sparingly, using the both sides of all your papers, aware of the environmental impact of using tree-based products. This helps you feel like you’re making a difference. Brava to you.

There’s nothing wrong with any of this.

Even if you’re embarrassed about how your office looks or the way you do things, I want to tell you now: they’re perfect. You’re perfect – because you’re doing your best to care for yourself.

Compassion. Acceptance. We all need it.

The trouble starts when you judge your behaviors with a mean and critical eye.

You look at the stuff around you and The Committee chimes in with their interpretation of your shortcomings, foibles, and failures. “You should be this,” and “You should do that.” They’re a bossy bunch, aren’t they?

What gives?

Let me tell you: There isn’t a single “should” in organizing. You don’t have to use those ugly manila folders. You don’t have to get rid of that pile (or roomful) of receipts. You don’t have to sit in an uncomfortable chair all day.

The Committee might want you to heed their cautions, but the truth is: you’re the boss of your land. You’re the CEO. You get to decide what feels good and right to you, no matter how raucous The Committee is.

What to do with The Committee

Believe it or not, The Committee of opinionated folk has a job to do: protect you. They want to make sure you’re safe.

Sometimes, the information they give you is out of date. Often, it was relevant to you when you were younger, but now you’re a big ol’ grownup with a business and a passion.

Things to try:

Here are some great ways to honor the message, without letting it destroy you.

1. Notice self-judgment

There’s no need to stuff it down. Instead of taking it on and self-loathing too, practice neutrally observing those messages.

2. Express gratitude

These voices have something important to share, so acknowledge the message and its intention. Thank this part of you for speaking up and let it know you’ll take it under advisement.

3. Do what feels right to you

There’s no reason to be a captive to your self-judgments. Be your own CEO. Ask yourself, “What would bring me more peace?” and “What would the most loving thing?” Trust what comes up and then do that thing. Even if it means changing nothing.

Care to comment?