The title of this post was a tweet sent by @momcoach, Karen Bierdeman, owner of The Guilt-Free Mom. Thanks, Karen!

It’s a perfect question for busy entrepreneurs, too.

Here’s what I do when I’m having a bad day:

Connect.

This is a nice way of saying, “vent”. I prefer to call it problem analysis, but the intention is to reach out to another human being to share what’s bothering me. A little empathy goes a long way.

Unplug.

If I’m having a bad day and I’m not productive as a result, I take a good look at the calendar and take off the rest of the day — away from the computer.

Zone out.

That might mean I play Wii, eat chocolate, read, journal, pet the cats… or do some activity that helps me self-nourish and fill up the energetic stores.

Reflect.

Sometimes I have a bad day because I’ve been doing too much and need to retreat. So I ask myself, “Where is this coming from? What do you need?” Those few moments of reflection can make a big difference if I act on my discoveries.

What do YOU do when you’re having a bad day that you wish were over?

2 comments

Okay, literalists, it is technically still November. But December’s tomorrow.

I’m curious. How are doing?

Are you:

• a. What? December’s here?
• b. I’m still recovering from Thanksgiving last week, thankyouvurrymuch.
• c. Hanging on to my hat and praying that Christmas break gets here soon.
• d. No time to reflect on this. Too busy. I should be doing something else right now.
• e. Pretty good – not too stressed – thanks for asking.
• f. Other (fill in blank): _______________________________

I’ll start.

Personally, my Thanksgiving holiday was pretty restful (plus I got to hang out with Sharon, Theresa, and Tim.) and I’m feeling more grounded than I have in a while.

I’ve also made that age-old mistake of booking myself solid the first few days “back”. (Note to self: Um, could you please not do that?) Like today. But I’m managing. And breathing.

So, December’s tomorrow. How are you?

10 comments

I’ll bet that you’ve “gone and done it” at least once in your life, too.

Forgot an appointment?

I did. This morning. With my awesome, amazing, quirky, totally-integruous CPA and friend, Dale Kennedy.

Dale’s my Dad-away-from-Dad. He talks sense to me about planning and money in his inimitable humorous, ADD way. He peppers me with questions – and I’d better be on my toes with good answers. He cracks me up but he means business – and I’m touched that he’s genuinely interested in how I and my business are doing. Every time I see him he asks me, “Have you read Rich Dad, Poor Dad yet?”

I love this guy. I never knew an accountant could be so fun. So real. So human.

Dale is busy, but he made an informal breakfast appointment with me just to catch up at one of my favorite restaurants.

The glitch.

I’ve been on the edge of stress lately and, without checking my calendar, I gave myself permission this morning to stay in bed with my coffee and read. A mental health hour.

I felt sooo soothed and nurtured by this little pocket of time for myself.

If you’re paying attention, you’ll have caught the glitch above: I didn’t check my calendar. I usually check tomorrow’s calendar in the evening to avoid this very situation. But I didn’t.

I also ignored that little niggle in my stomach while I sipped my coffee that said, “Are you sure you have nothing scheduled this morning?”

At 8:15, I sat down at my calendar and the reality hit me: I was already 15 minutes late – and a half-hour’s drive from our meeting place. I said aloud, “[Expletive]!” And then, “[Stream of expletives]!”

And then I called Dale.

Forgiveness: the moral of the story

The first thing he said to me was, and I quote, “Be at peace.” Seriously. I was so stressed and worried that I offended him – and I felt so badly imagining him sitting by himself at the restaurant – and he tells me to be at peace.

Dear reader, this time the lesson’s on me. While I’m constantly talking about offering yourself compassion for mistakes, this time Dale gave it to me instead. When he could have been justifiably irate. I’m humbled and grateful.

Big thanks to Dale. I hope his “found” 45 minutes were relaxing and productive.

The bonus lesson

One of my twitter buddies said to me this morning, “No one trusts a perfectly organized organizer!”

I guess this makes me trustworthy.

No matter how mortified I feel about missing my breakfast with Dale, the truth is we all forget stuff. Even me. We are all busy, distracted, and trying to make our way the best we can.

We’re all also learning as we go. You’re learning, I’m learning.

My bonus lesson from this is to listen to my intuition. It’s usually right.

What’s your bonus lesson?

6 comments

Originally, I went on retreat because I wanted to get away.

Away from what? Good question. I made the mistaken assumption that my sources of anxiety were outside of me. I believed if I left them behind for a few days that all would be well. I can hear you chuckling. The only thing that all my problems have in common is me.

I’m going on a picnic and I’ll bring…

Remember that game? I’ll bring an apple, banana, carrot, etc.? Well, I started with the b’s. I brought my brain.

What I realized after my first day on retreat is that although I was physically removed from my life, my head came along with me. You know that thing that offers a running narrative on your moment-to-moment actions and thoughts? That. And considering that my brain also runs all my bodily functions, I just couldn’t leave it at home.

Removing myself from my life gave me the opportunity to pay attention to and listen to what was going on in my mind. Let me tell you, there’s a reason why we delay taking time off or time alone – it’s hard to sit with those voices.

During our daily lives we do a lot of things that push down or pacify those voices. For me, it’s Twitter, email and Facebook… but it can be a lot of things. Television, web surfing, gossiping, arguing, sudoku, eating, and busywork can all help us push away our thoughts – at least temporarily.

When you get quiet or get away, there they remain, waiting for your attention.

I’m also bringing my heart.

In addition to my brain, I also brought my soft, squishy lub-dubber with me.

The distracting activities I mentioned above are also effective at preventing feelings from coming up. Especially emotions that are uncomfortable, sad, or painful. It’s a way of caring for yourself, these activities, if you don’t have room for them in your life or support to deal with them.

While I was on retreat, I felt anxious at times, sad, reverent, peaceful, irritated… just like in my normal life. Being “away” didn’t change that.

What was different, though, is that on retreat I had the spaciousness to sit with all the feelings that arose and treat them as honored guests. Or at least as tolerable visitors. I don’t always have room in my life for this. My heart wasn’t confined or busy. As the days went by, I felt lighter and lighter.

I got quiet enough to listen to to my heart’s wants and needs without skepticism and really honor them. By listening well, I discovered that this fall, my heart wants to focus on clearing out, saying “no”, pruning what isn’t life-giving, and allowing some things to pass away in my life. Considering that I often focus on growth and expansion, this was a refreshing surprise. And a relief.

Well… and you, too.

Here was the most surprising thing: when my brain had had its say and my heart felt open and expansive… well, I started feeling really rested and happy. I stopped thinking about me and started thinking about and sending loving thoughts toward my loved ones, my friends, and eventually all the people in my community including you. This came naturally and I couldn’t help it.

When I got filled up, it easily overflowed to everything and everyone else. That’s how it’s supposed to work.

The moral of the story

You may have read the first and second part to this mini-series on retreats as self-care. If you have, wow… thanks for hanging in there with me. Now that we’ve reached part three, I’ll tell you the moral of the story: you are nature.

Woah, what?

That’s right: You are nature. And nature rests. Look at any garden in the northern hemisphere right now. You’ll see they’re all settling in for a nice 3-5 month nap without guilt or excuses or even a solid timeline for recommencing.

I waited two-and-a-half years before I took a much-needed rest. I’m committing here and now to retreating for 4 days every 3 months – even though I’m not yet sure how I’ll make it happen. I’m worth it – and so are you.

What are you needing rest-wise?

5 comments

Many of my clients, readers, and friends tell me that they feel like they’re running out of steam.

Whatever it is that’s got them down – jobhunting, starting a business, trying to take their business to the next level, or simply trying to stay positive and focused – it seems as if a lot of people are just worn out. The long recession, whether you’ve been personally affected or not, has taken its toll on everyone’s energy. As one friend put it, it’s like being a cat in a roomful of rocking chairs: a little difficult to navigate without getting pinched.

It’s been a tough few years, to be sure. If you’ve not been directly affected, you’re one of the fortunate few – and it’s certain that you know people who have suffered in one way or another. However, without meaning to sound unrealistically chirpy, I’d like to point out that a happy cat has his tail straight up in the air, and thus isn’t at risk from those rockers. I’m not advocating a false sense of optimism, but at the same time, doom-and-gloom isn’t any more accurate.

Whether you believe in the signs of a recovery or not, you still need to keep putting one foot in front of the other. And if you can find a way to put a spring in your step as you do so, so much the better. Here are a few suggestions to try.

Accept that you don’t know

Dealing with the unpredictability of these last few years has been a struggle for most people. It’s human nature to want to know what’s going to happen. And when things are calm, the illusion that you *do* know is easy to maintain.

Unfortunately, as the instability of recent times has proven, that secure feeling of “knowing” what’s coming is indeed an illusion. The fact is that none of us really knows what’s going to happen next, no matter how much we like to believe that our plans will unfold as expected.

As an experiment, imagine that it’s okay (instead of stressful) to not know what’s going to happen. How would you feel and act? What would you do differently? Can you actually rest in that place of not knowing and allow yourself to be curious?

Experience moves

All experience has a beginning, a middle, and an end.

This time, like any other, is an experience.

Here in the middle of it you may feel as if it will *never* change. But as the old saying goes, this too shall pass.

And although, as I said above, you don’t *know* what will happen next, you *can* know that something will happen, and that it will eventually be different from what’s happening now.

Do your feelings and your perspective change when you see that what’s happening is neither endless nor stuck? What seems different from this point of view?

What nourishes you?

It’s easy to get trapped in feeling that you *have* to keep working hard, nonstop, with no break allowed. Especially if you have financial concerns (and who doesn’t!), keeping your nose to the grindstone may feel like your only option.

But grinding yourself down to an exhausted shadow doesn’t do you, or anyone else, any good. It’s not necessary, and ultimately it’s counter-productive. Yes, hanging in there with your job-hunt, or with the activities necessary to build your business, or with what’s needed to stay visible and productive in the office – it’s all important. And yes, you may have financial constraints that prevent you from taking the vacation you really want.

Yet there are *always* options for taking a break, indulging in a little luxury, and treating yourself to some time and space.

Go to the library and check out a trashy novel or a good movie; explore a park you’ve never visited before; take advantage of free classes at your local garden center, museum, library, or small business administration.

Drive to an area of town you’ve never explored, and then park and take a walk and see what you can discover – or just keep on driving and have fun getting lost. Spend an afternoon doing absolutely nothing at all. Find a way to cook something completely different with ingredients you have on hand.

In short, consider what nourishes you and make a commitment to give it to yourself on a regular basis. If finances are a concern, engage your curiosity and sense of play to find fun things to do that don’t cost much – or anything at all. Everything on the list above is completely without cost, except for the gas you might use driving to the library, a class, or getting lost!

What does “help” mean?

One client was feeling overwhelmed by jobhunting advice from well-meaning friends and family. When she stopped discussing her job search with them and focused instead on shared interests and activities, spending time with them became fun and rewarding again instead of draining.

As I suggested to her, when you’re clear about how you want help (or even *if* you want help), you’re more likely to get what you need. Take a few moments to define for yourself what support you’d appreciate. Then when a friend offers unwanted advice or assistance, you can gently explain what they could do that would *really* be helpful.

If you’ve ever hiked mountain trails, you know that an uphill climb can sometimes seem endless. The effort of putting one foot in front of the other, over and over again, starts feeling overwhelming.

But then – sometimes quite suddenly – you’re there: at the top, enjoying the view. And even the people who were groaning the loudest during the climb are glad they stuck it out.

Keep on keeping on. You *will* get there – and things *will* change!

Keep on going and the chances are you will stumble on something, perhaps when you are least expecting it. I have never heard of anyone stumbling on something sitting down.”

Charles F. Kettering, 1876-1958, American inventor, holder of 140 patents, founder of Delco, and head of research for General Motors from 1920-1947.

Does this topic resonate for you? Where are you moving forward, even though you’re uncertain of the outcome?

Care to comment?

Learning the gentle art of retreat

From your enthusiastic and heartfelt emails about the squirrel in my truck, I could tell that the topic touched a nerve. Apparently, I have a lot of overwhelmed readers who are in good company.

Simply put: you’re busy. You have a million commitments to your work, your family, your community, your inbox… not to mention the fact that you’re trying to keep it all balanced and maybe have a little fun from time to time.

So I wanted to make space in this Juicy Gems to share how to meet that need for retreat.

Resistance

Although you might think people would feel enthusiastic about taking a reprieve, most don’t. When they acknowledge how truly tired they feel, most people try to ignore it. It often feels overwhelming and even frightening to consider taking a break.

So instead of meeting that deep need, we make up reasons why we shouldn’t, can’t, don’t have time, don’t have money, etc. Indeed, there isn’t a lot of time or money to spare in most households today. You do have commitments and obligations to meet. But what’s the real cost to you?

What do you really gain in the long run by denying yourself the space and time you truly need?

At the heart of the matter

I believe that there nothing more important than nourishing your heart-spirit. Nothing. You weren’t born to be a slave to your work or your duties. You were born to live.

If you look in nature, you’ll see busy birds work at their nests, gathering food, raising young – and yet they also sit, fat and happy in a sunbeam, and sing for the sheer joy of it. Even our resident hummingbirds, the most active bird on the planet, sit in the tops of trees and just look around for whole minutes at a time.

Photo credit: Marc Langille – www.marclangille.com

If they can, can’t you?

It’s an inside job

The biggest challenge isn’t deciding what you’ll do with your retreat time. The biggest leap for most people (including me) is actually agreeing to do it. So, I’d like to offer 3 suggestions that might make that process easier.

- Set your intention

In a quiet moment, ask yourself: What kind of retreat do I really need?

And listen inside of you for messages from your heart. Images. Sensations. Just notice if anything comes up – and trust it.

If you feel the urge to squash the first things that come up, don’t. Be gentle with yourself.

Over a period of a few moments or even several days, allow yourself to dream up your idea of what a retreat might look like. Maybe it includes other people, or maybe not. Maybe it’s in your home, or away from it. Maybe it involves activity, or maybe doing nothing at all.

You get to decide. Dream a little.

- Create the space

Once you have a clear idea of what it is you want, then create the space in your life to have it.

About a month ago, I decided I needed a get-away-from-everything retreat at the end of this month. I haven’t done this in over 2 years and it felt like a huge leap.

• Commitments: In order to clear the space in my life, I spoke with and asked permission from more than a half-dozen people. Inspired Spouse, co-workers, business buddies, clients, etc. 10, to be exact. Some of them, multiple times. It was a little scary to be clear with them about how I needed their support and help, but asking them helped make space.

• Finances: I had to check my budget and make sure I could swing time off from work and spend money on my retreat. I was able to negotiate a discount on my accommodations. This made space in my finances.

• Calendar: I looked at my calendar again and again to make sure I hadn’t forgotten to close a loop or follow up on something. It took about a week to work out the details.

The good news? After all this clearing, I’ve made space for a whole week off next week. I’ll be completely unplugged. I’ll be spending 4 days at an abbey – a totally new experience for me. I can’t tell you how freeing this feels.

- Commit

Once you have an intention and you’ve made space to retreat, put it on your calendar (or however you remind yourself).

When possible conflicts arise beforehand, you may find yourself struggling to keep your time a priority. You may be expected to put others first, or work, or school. Practice holding the space open for yourself. It can be a stretch, but your heart-spirit is worth the effort.

Yo, Jen. What does this have to do with organizing?

A valid question. : )

The way I see it, when your heart and spirit are nourished, you can do anything you set your mind to. Work becomes easier. Creativity flows. Relationships blossom. Nourishing yourself makes everything possible… including having an inspired home office.

Everyone needs time to replenish. And if you’re still not convinced, think of how much more focused and relaxed you’ll feel when you return.

If you’re inclined, I’d love your positive thoughts and prayers while I’m on retreat next week.

What would be your idea of a truly soul-nourishing retreat?

7 comments

Finding a balance between push and release
Jennifer Hofmann, Inspired Home Office

In order to drive a nail into a board, there’s the obvious downswing that pushes in the nail. Equally important is the back swing in which you prepare for the next push.

If you’re driving a car, pressing the accelerator is only half of the “getting there” equation. You also have to decelerate at the appropriate time, or your car will be in a world of hurt.

To accomplish just about anything, what’s needed is a balance between push and release.

Like most of the creative people I know, I have a frustrating tendency to focus on the push. In fact, as I write this, I’m in the process of trying to convince myself that I don’t want release at all (even though I need it). Instead, I should actually be pushing harder. Frustrating.

Push is not a resting state

When you’re in a period of intense creating, you lose the ability to contrast it with your resting state. The creative state begins to feel like normal, the baseline, when it isn’t.

The trouble is, that pushing harder and forcing work out of ourselves turns off the creative flow. Inspiration goes from a gushing river to a trickle to a dry river bed.

Pausing is vital to the creative process. Taking a break, releasing the pressure, is what fills us back up again. Once we’re replenished, you can create again without struggle.

But it’s hard.

If you live in the States, you’re probably unaware of how much drive is a part of our culture. Productivity. Proving our worth. It’s a silent message, but ever-present and ingrained.

Because of this, slowing down to replenish is counter-culture. Pausing is like swimming against a powerful stream. I often find myself feeling guilty and apologizing for taking time to nourish my spirit. Sometimes I just ignore my need to stop because it’s so hard to claim it.

Lately, I’ve been on an earnest search to discover what replenishes me. Recently, I was surprised to find that I was trying to concoct an “inspiration pill” which would allow me to quickly find my center and begin working again.

It’s laughable, isn’t it? Hurry up and slow down! In truth, pausing takes as long as it needs to and, by nature, can’t be hurried.

What I do to find inspiration

Interestingly, the word “inspire” means to breathe in. So oxygen is a good start. I also like to breathe in quiet – whether that comes from actual silence or my noise-canceling headphones. Removing sound helps me hear the important messages that come from inside.

In my heart of hearts, the thing that nourishes me most is singing old hymns from my days as a music minister. It’s been years since I sang at Mass on Sundays, but I get out my guitar and a big binder of sheet music and play until my fingertips are throbbing.

Something about the lyrics reminds me that I’m just a tiny star in the human constellation… and this is a good thing. These hymns remind me that it’s God/Universe who’s making the stars turn, not me. That it’s safe to let go and trust. I don’t have to control everything (even though my ego wants to).

After a session like this, I have happy tears and a deep feeling of release. Suddenly there’s room in my life again for all the things I love. Things come back into balance again.

It took me a long time to figure out that this is what works for me. And it will probably take the rest of my life to find ways to not resist doing it. I’m okay with that. Like everything in life, it’s a process, not a destination.

What works for you? How do you pause and replenish?

4 comments

A story of overwhelm and redemption

Even before I got out of bed, I knew I’d waited too long to nourish my spirit. Last Monday, Day 3 of the long weekend, I woke up with an almost-desperate need to be in the woods, under the trees, breathing in the scent of earth and fir needles and mountain air.

My need to be free from my desk and work and conversation was so urgent and real, I felt like I could grab it with my hands. I had to get to the woods. Immediately.

Obstacles. The furry kind.

My first clue that things were not going well should have been the squirrel that ran away after I started our infrequently-used truck. But, as I already mentioned, I was a desperate woman on a mission.

Clue Number 2 should have been that when I started the truck, the engine seemed to run a bit raggedly. The closer I got to the gas station, the more roughly it ran. Then I started to notice a vaguely sweet, burning-paper smell.

By the time the truck was fueling up, I already knew I wasn’t going to make it to the woods. Not in this vehicle. And with mild curiosity, I opened the hood (knowing squat about engines) to see what the trouble might be.

Imagine my astonishment when Obstacle 3 presented itself. Technically, they were Obstacles Number 3, 4, and 5 – namely a grassy nest and two very pissed off, very frightened baby squirrels. Inside the engine compartment.

(Note: no animals were harmed in the making of this story.)

The signs and symptoms of overwhelm

As I mentioned, I was already emotionally stretched. I had been working 72 hour weeks, putting a lot of pressure on myself to produce, and was profoundly aware of a widening spiritual gap where my heart ought to be.

My first response? Hysterical laughter. Tears sprang to my eyes. I laughed so oddly, I think the fueling station guy was afraid. Incredulous, I called him over to look at the squirrels’ nest and he kept a safe distance. From me.

After I’d called Inspired Spouse for backup and two nature-loving friends for ideas, I sat in the cab of the truck at the gas station and burst into tears. Yup. While the poor squirrels cowered in the engine compartment, Inspired Spouse sat with me as I sobbed, “I just needed… a day… off.”

Folks, this is what we call overwhelm.

And you know it’s arrived when an event and the resulting response are significantly out of proportion. Shock and laughter, okay, that’s pretty normal. But sobbing about squirrels? Yeah. That’s overwhelm.

The rest of the story

While the following section has nothing to do with an inspired workspace, it would be unkind not to tell you how it all turned out.

After the crying, we attempted to make use of the enormous red ski gloves and cat carrier that Inspired Spouse had ingeniously brought. I will also confess my not-so-rational fear of wild animals. The 5-ounce baby squirrel proved no exception.

If you’ve never heard a baby squirrel scream and grunt and make as if it’s going to take your face off, let me tell you, it makes one’s blood run cold. At least it did mine. But Inspired Spouse, bless her, attempted the same maneuver and they skittered away among the hoses, out of reach.

Now out of options to rescue them, I decided to drive the 2 miles home. With the squirrels still under the hood. Shrieking with fear.

The lesson of the baby squirrels

We all arrived home safely and about an hour later, Mama Squirrel had relocated the nest (after telling us off). Whew.

Fortunately, I did get to the woods that day. It wasn’t the day I’d hoped for, but I ended up getting what I needed. No more sobbing for a while.

The lesson at the heart of drama is how important it is to pay attention to the subtle signs of overwhelm, before the big sobbing thing happens. In the weeks previous, I noticed but ignored, my short temper, the need for solitude, annoyance at loved ones, erratic driving, holding my breath, and eating weird food at weird hours.

I kept telling myself and others that I was “fine”, but the baby squirrels helped me see what was true. I needed a break. So do you.

Get out in the woods, your way

If you’re self-employed, or are caring for elderly relatives, or raising children, or managing an illness, or other things that consume physical and emotional energy, there’s an urge to keep pushing through. To deal.

However, refusing to take a break and get out in the proverbial woods leaves you empty and unable to respond when action is called for. It’s ironic that I needed my tank filled, just like the truck did. Except it’s so easy to forget.

So I invite you to inquire how close you are to overwhelm today… and notice if there’s something you need to stop for, so that you can fill up too. Before you get squirrely.

Care to comment?

When you’re self-employed, the time clock doesn’t dictate when you punch out.

Ending the work day is something that many people struggle with. It’s a topic that came up last week at the Superlicious Diva Business Day, and I realized that it’s a big problem for me, too.

Here’s what I doing to stop working at the end of the day

What is currently working well for me:

Schedule something at the end of the day. At 6ish every evening, Inspired Spouse and I eat dinner together. It’s an agreement. Not only do we both enjoy it, when I know dinner’s waiting – or it’s my turn to make it – I just stop working. It’s more important to me to keep that commitment than it is to goof around on Facebook.

Find other things to do with myself in the evening and on weekends. Not too long ago, gave myself the evening off and I paced around anxiously trying to figure out what to *do* with myself. It’s laughable now, but I was seriously stressed at the time. What do I do if I’m not working?

My current strategy is having stuff to focus on besides work. I’ve got a big stack of books to veg out with in the evenings. And, on weekends, Inspired Spouse and I talk about and negotiate what chores we’ll do and what fun activities we’d like to partake in. Last weekend, for example, we went to the Aumsville Corn Festival (fantastic!) and saw the movie Julie & Julia (delightful!). A year ago, I was not doing this kind of fun stuff, so this is serious progress.

What I’m currently working on

I’m working very long hours. That’s just the fact. I’m not even working on it yet. All I’m doing at this point is noticing (which is, in itself, powerful).

What I notice is that most days I’m at my desk by 7am and I usually work until about 6pm, 3 days a week. Every night, I usually end up back in my office after dinner to answer email, do twitter and Facebook stuff, and answer blog posts. I like doing this – but some days I feel exhausted.

In total, including my part-time job, (grabs calculator) I’m working about 72 hours a week. Whew! No wonder!

Creating boundaries around my work time. This is the thing I’d like to work on most. I’m not exactly sure what my needs are yet since I’m still in the Noticing Phase. But I know that if I stay open and curious, I’ll get clarity about what to do next.

I’ll keep you posted.

What do YOU do to stop working at the end of the day?

What works really well for you? What are you working on?

Share your insights and ideas! Your comments on your own process are welcome. I also request kindly, firmly, that you not give advice to me or others unless it’s specifically requested. This makes exploring safe and learning possible for every reader.

7 comments

Have you ever had “one of those days?” Or a whole week of them?

“How are you, today?”
“Oh, fine.”

Even though you don’t feel fine.

It takes a lot of energy to put on a plastic smile. I mean a lot. In fact, forcing emotions can make you feel drained of energy in the long run.

What’s really happening?

For any variety of interesting reasons, we deem true emotions unfit for public consumption. Somehow we adopted the belief that it’s not okay to be crabby. Or to feel off-balance. Or let it show.

If you keep your feelings isolated inside, you can feel very isolated.

(Bear with me and we’ll tie this into office organization in a minute. Honest.)

“Problem Identification”

In my opinion, “venting” gets a bad rap. Venting – as in: getting stuff of your chest. So instead, I started calling it “Problem Identification”. Makes it sound fancy and productive, doesn’t it?

Actually, it is productive.

If you give yourself permission to share what’s happening inside you, amazing things can happen. Just yesterday, I “Identified a Problem” that has been a source of frustration for weeks.

Okay. It was more than a “source of frustration.” I was a ball of nerves. I felt stressed, anxious, confused, ticked off, and I was taking everything (even unrelated things) 100% personally. You ever have one of those days? It sucks.

The productive part

Well. Yesterday, I got tired of stewing. I wrote a Problem Identification email to my two mastermind buddies and just let ‘er rip. What I was confused about. What I was angry about. What was frustrating me. (It’s not you, honest.)

By the time I wrote this bullet-pointed missive, I was already feeling better. I got it all off my chest. And their empathic replies started me grinning.

Lisa’s email said:

…sometimes it’s just fine to just be a big, angry, stompy-booted, annoyed person about it.

Isn’t she awesome? Then she said,

Letting yourself have that is self-care too.

Suddenly the mountain was a rightful molehill again.

How Problem Identification works

Want to get stompy-booted and unstuck, too?

1. Acknowledge that all is not right.
2. Ask someone you trust if they’re willing to listen without trying to “fix” you (important!).
3. Share the whole ugly mess of thoughts and feelings.

Problem Identification is only half the solution.

You’ve probably met people who only focus on the Identification part. They wear you down, don’t they? If you stop at Problem Identification, you just keep stewing in your own juices.

What’s needed next are Solutions.

In science, a “solution” involves mixing dense matter into less dense matter which dilutes its potency. A nerdy analogy, yes, but Problem Identification is a dense thing that you can mix into your spacious, not-dense curiosity. And the problem dissolves.

For example, once you’ve had a good vent, you can explore:

What is one small baby step I can take to move this forward?

What is one small shift that will move me from “stuck and irritated” into “clear and empowered?”

But only after you’ve had The Vent.

What the heck does this have to do with organizing?

I love it when you ask that.

Have you ever noticed that you get irritated and frustrated by your work space from time to time (or all the time?).

If you share this frustration with someone, it helps you move out of the mental snarl of negative self-talk. It helps you get clear about Exactly What Isn’t Working and how gol-blasted irritating it is.

Suddenly, there’s space in you to be curious about Solutions.  And you can move forward.

How cool is that?

You’re your own organizing expert

No one knows what you need better than you do (not even me!).

So inquire:

What’s bugging you about your office lately? Let it all out to someone you trust. Then cultivate curiosity about what you need and how you want to move forward.

Oh – and let me know how it goes!

Care to comment?