Self-care is not self-indulgent. It’s a game-changer.

We talk a lot about self-care at Inspired Home Office. One of the reasons for this is that I’m challenged by it personally! I regularly forget that I run out of steam about once a week. When I force myself to persist, it lasting consequences for my health, well-being, and overall happiness. It’s become an important part of every class I teach.

Self-care is any activity that leaves you feeling refreshed, invigorated, alive and content. Self care nourishes your senses, your emotions, and your thoughts.

I take self-care as seriously as changing the world for the better. Doing things that nourish you is integral to thriving while you run a business and a home office.

Here’s why self care is so important to you and your business:

1. You are not solar-powered. You do not have perpetual energy, so your spirit and heart must be refueled on a regular basis.

2. You are more than the work you produce, even if you’re creative. You do need to stop. You need rest. Your body needs rest.

3. Your business also needs rest. Can you imagine if you were constantly nagging someone to be better, to make more money, to do more, to be more productive? Can you imagine how annoyed they’d be in a matter of hours? Taking time for you gives your business a break and some space to grow on its own.

4. You are not the one in control. You may think you are in control, but something much, much more expansive has the whole world in its hands. By pausing to rest in those powerful, compassionate arms, you regain perspective of your place in the order of things.

5. Desperation and drama are not compelling sales tools. When you’re refreshed, you allow yourself to be present with and deeply in service to others through your work.

6. When you’re clear-headed, tasks are simpler. Everything you do is simpler, and often more enjoyable. Including organizing (hint, hint).

7. Self-care realigns your priorities. When your spirit is deeply nourished, cluttery objects lose their hold on you. Making decisions to let go of possessions becomes less scary and more compelling.

8. Self-care slows down your reaction time in a positive way. You body stops thinking that every unexpected event is a life-threatening emergency. You’re calmer, more focused, happier.

9. Most people, including me, think that self care is an optional thing. “When I get through this mountain of ____, then I’ll take care of myself.” Sometimes that works. Often it doesn’t and we burn out, get exhausted, and struggle with overwhelm. A little self-care goes a long way.

10. There are a lot of people who count on you – directly or indirectly. When you are deeply nourished, you can be present others in a way that a Frazzled You cannot.

The four kinds of self-care

Self-care falls into four general categories:

Movement: Include walking, hiking, running, drawing, painting, dancing, stretching, gardening, knitting, cycling, swimming, yoga, and practicing stillness. If you’re in a beautiful setting as you do these things, even better.

Body care: Sleeping, eating, drinking water, bathing, yawning, sneezing, eliminating, brushing teeth, combing hair. Done lovingly and with compassion, these activities can be profoundly nourishing.

Contemplation: Come down out of your head to bring awareness to your heart and connect with Source. Ways to do this include prayer, gratitude, retreating, meditating, journaling, collaging, labyrinth walking, singing, silence.

Connection: Being with people or critters who recognize Who You Are is a kind of self care. Honoring, validating, listening, hugging, laughing, sharing, crying, meaningful eye contact, touch. Sometimes you need to ask for these things to receive them. Totally okay.

What you do matters less than how you do it

Let me repeat this: What you do for self-care matters less than how you do it. If you rush through self-care, it will just be another task on your to-do list. The heart has its own timing, it unfolds no faster than it can. Hurrying will just bruise this tender process.

Take your time. You deserve to take time to self care. You’ll benefit — and so will everyone around you, including your business.

What kind of self-care do you love to do?

7 comments

The “What do YOU do?” series gives you a glimpse into my life as a cluttered, creative person — and invites you to share your organizing insights and ideas.

As someone with both ADD and anxiety, the holidays press all my buttons. Even if you don’t have any conditions like this, it doesn’t stop the holidays from getting a little nuts. I’d like to share a few things I’m doing differently this year, both in my work and in my life. Maybe you would, too!

What’s working

1. Filling up my heart-well

Because I tend to end up depleted this time of year, I decided to try filling the well of my heart in advance of overwhelm.

Before I start my day, I’ve been taking an hour to read inspirational writings and journal about them. This practice feels so grounding to me. The deep nourishment I experience doing this practice gives me energy to better manage my reactions when troublesome issues arise.

2. Sharing my plans

If you’re planning to take time off, or are feeling frazzled and just not yourself, consider sharing your plans with those impacted by your physical or energetic absence.

Frontloading is a term I use for giving advance notice to anyone who’s impacted by your absence. This allows you to discuss anything they might need and establishes clear boundaries in an open, respectful and loving way.

Want to see frontloading in action? I’m letting you know that I’ll be on retreat from December 11 through January 3. I plan to be incommunicado (no email or phone) the whole time. You’re welcome to email me during that time, I just won’t reply until January. Read below for details on what I’m doing with 3 whole weeks.

If you need anything from me before then, do let me know. I want for you to feel supported!

3. Designating a big chunk of planning time

I am so excited about the upcoming year at Inspired Home Office! There are so many exciting things that will be happening! Nothing is going away, you’ll just find more to choose from to support your organizing and business goals.

To make space for all this new stuff, roughly 10 of my retreat days will be devoted to deep reflection about Inspired Home Office and planning logistics for next year. I’ve decided this activity doesn’t technically count as work (it’s so fun!). I’ve never taken this much time before, so I’m really excited.

4. Simplifying our Christmas plans

Although most of my family members are lapsed Catholics, the urge to celebrate Christmas lives on. It might be in our veins. Or as someone said in Office Spa Day today, “It’s in the air.” My Jewish and Pagan friends laugh lovingly at how even they receive presents for Christmas. It can get a little crazy.

Inspired Spouse and I agreed on a focus word for this year’s festivities: SANE. We’re doing just 3 social engagements, and saying no to everything else. We’re even skipping the holiday party at Inspired Spouse’s work. I’m also sticking to my short list of gift purchases. Our day-of guest list is tiny. I’m testing the boundaries of my comfort zone and I’m ordering Christmas dinner pre-made from our local deli.

Having SANE as our focus word is SO helpful. I think I can do it. If I slip up, I might recall that classic Seinfeld episode where Kramer says “Sanity NOW!” repeatedly.

What I’m working on

Noticing my wildly vivid imagination

My growing edge (besides ordering the deli’s turkey dinner) is recognizing when my creative thinking gets away from me.

Just an example:

The simple thought, “I want to thank so-and-so before the end of the year” can turn into “I should create custom holiday stationery with my logo and send a hand-written note to every person I know both online and in person in the next week — oh! and include an inspiring quote hand-picked for each recipient.” (falls over)

The funny thing? When I think this stuff to myself, I’m crazy-excited! I really really really believe I can do it!

These flashes of brilliance eclipse my rational thinking. While it’s happening, I even believe that I’m thinking rationally. At the moment, the only filter is I have is to get myself half-way through the project, hate myself for taking on so much, and give up feeling defeated.

I’m learning that sometimes it’s enough to just let the idea come up. I can get excited about it, with full knowledge that it’s out of alignment with my SANE intention. Creativity is a blast, but it doesn’t mean I have to do everything I think up.

What do YOU do to stave off the holiday crazies?

Your turn! Please share what you’re doing that helps you – and something that you’re working on with.

Your comments on your own process are welcome. Just remember to give advice only when it’s specifically requested. This makes exploring safe and learning possible for every reader.

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Diving fully into the contemplative energy of winter, I recently discovered the writing and website of Brother Davin Steindl-Rast. I happened upon a video he narrated and felt so inspired, I just had to share it with you.

If you love looking at inspiring images and hearing words that soothe the spirit, take a break from your work and allow this short video to fill up your heart.

With love,
Jennifer

6 comments

The antidote to living a sped-up life

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Retreat.

Last month’s article about our sped-up culture generated some interesting responses (Why I can’t Drive 55) on the blog. Many people feel overwhelmed and don’t know how to get off the no-so-merry-go-ground.

In recent years, I’ve become a huge advocate of an effective antidote to stressed-out living: retreats. Putting life on hold for a specific number of days, essentially pressing ‘pause’, is incredibly effective at helping people slow down and re-establish a healthy pace.

“Oh, no. I couldn’t possibly.”

If your first response to the idea of a retreat is resistance, you probably need it more than you think.

Your spirit gets depleted whenever your work needs you — or your kids, or parents, or whomever — to the point where you can’t ever leave. If this sounds like you, my heart goes out to you.

Most of the self-employed people I know are just a step from running on fumes. They try to solve this by adding things to their lives — new things like social events, possessions, foods, et cetera. But all this newness and novelty wears off pretty quickly, leaving us with more commitments and possessions to maintain.

Retreating is about allowing yourself to be nourished by simplicity.

Reasons not to…

As enticing at it may sound, we resist retreating for lots of reasons. Commitments — the kids, the business, the logistics, and the expense — are part if it. Look a little deeper and you’ll find other reasons:

• I’m afraid of upsetting or disappointing my family and friends.
• Whatever would I do with all that time?
• What if I discover something I want to change about my life?

When it comes down to it, one of the biggest reasons we resist retreating is fear. Fear of the unknown, fear of upsetting the status quo. These are absolutely valid feelings. If you feel this way, make some space for them to come up. Sit with them and see if you want to retreat despite the presence of fears.

Feel the fear and do it anyway.

Fear isn’t always red light; sometimes it’s a yield sign. Look both ways, and proceed.

13 years ago, when I took my fist solo retreat with guidance from Jen Louden’s The Woman’s Retreat Book, I was excited and also nervous. I took the leap and discovered things about myself I had never known. I felt renewed. Alive. It was worth the risk.

View a retreat as a tune-up for your heart. You can’t change the oil and spark plugs while you’re speeding down the road. The vehicle must leave the road temporarily in order to receive this restorative maintenance. Going on retreat takes you away from everyday life so that your spirit gets the maintenance it needs.

Be prepared

If you’re ready to pack you bags, or at least open to the idea, you’ll want to prepare yourself and those around you for your departure. Here are 10 ways you can get the most from your experience.

How to retreat

1. Schedule the time

Only you know what’s right for you, but I generally prefer that taking more than you think you need. Stretch. I used to retreat annually for a whole week. Now, I go every other month for 3 days.

If that much time sounds insane to you, ask yourself: “How much time do I need to feel truly nourished?” And listen — trust what comes up for you.

Then set it aside, marking the dates in your calendar.

2. Establish your boundaries

Any time you do something to nourish yourself, creating a safe container allows you to really immerse yourself in the experience.

Before you go on retreat, consider some of the following questions:

• Do I want to go alone?
• Do I want to be reachable? By whom? Under what circumstances? How often?
• Do I want internet access? A cell phone?
• How far away do I want to go?
• What kind of environment would support me? What would distract me?
• What other boundaries do I need to feel supported and present?

3. Inform your close circle

Once you’ve established your boundaries, communicate them to the loved ones who will be affected. Ask them for their support and tell them why you are taking this step. I call this “frontloading” (full article about this), which can be very useful.

For example, Inspired Spouse and I have an agreement that when I’m on retreat, I’m likely to call once each day after dinner for about 15 minutes. However, if I’m not in the mood, I won’t. Since we made this agreement in advance, it works out fine. In fact, those evening conversations have been among the sweetest in our 5 years together.

Although it may not happen, anticipate some resistance from your loves ones — especially if you’re new to setting boundaries with them. If they are accustomed to having you as their go-to person, they may not be entirely comfortable with you being unavailable to them. Ask if your loved ones need anything from you while you’re retreating. Be clear about your needs and negotiate an agreement that will work for all. It can be a challenging dance if this is something new for you, but honoring your own boundaries while respecting others’ is worth the effort.

4. Set an intention

Once boundary details have been worked out, spend some time talking or journaling about what you’d like to get out of your retreat. I don’t suggest writing a to-do list (since you probably have plenty of to-dos in your normal life). Instead, think about what you’d like the retreat to feel like. What kind of experience do you want to have, in general?

For example, your intention might be to relax and find some peace. You might want to practice being present and giving self-compassion. Perhaps you’d like to express yourself creatively through writing, or song, or drawing. You could spend days just asking yourself, “What would nourish my spirit?” and really listening to the information you receive.

Spend time thinking about what you’d like out of the time. Doing this increases your chances of getting what you need.

5. Choose your destination

Once you’ve set your intention, find a setting that will support it. How important is solitude? Prepared meals? Walking trails? Nature? Community? Over time, I’ve discovered that I like having a room to myself (with a bathroom) and the option of solitude. Being near water is one of my favorite things, so I find places that offer this.

Because I write about retreats a lot, people often ask me, “Where do you go?”. I confess I have some favorites (none of the following are affiliate links). Among them are Breitenbush Hot Springs, Mt. Angel Abbey, St. Benedict’s Lodge, Silver Falls Conference Center and any number of vacation rentals. I’ve also always wanted to go to Menucha and Hidden Lake, too.

If you’re not close to Oregon, just Google “retreat center” and your state or country — you’re bound to come up with some options. Maybe you have a friend with a beach or mountain getaway you could rent. Some people like to check in to a B&B or hotel.

What’s right for you? Only you can decide.

6. Travel lightly

When faced with gobs of free time, it’s common to over-plan how you’ll use it. You might feel tempted to load up a suitcase with projects, activities, even neglected work to fill your time.

Consider bringing less than you think you’ll need. A lot less. Physically carrying less with you is a conscious act of simplicity and a reminder that you already have all you need: head, heart, body and spirit. Seize the opportunity to discover what you would do if there was nothing to do.

If you can, make the traveling to your destination part of the retreat. Take your time driving through your own town like a tourist, noticing the people and smells and architecture. Enjoy the scenery. Stop at a roadside stand. On the way to one of my favorite retreat centers, I love to stop at a restaurant to order mouthwatering apple strudel. Savoring this dessert is a retreat all by itself!

7. Tolerate silence

Lots of people ask me, “What do you DO on retreat?”. Honestly, sometimes I do nothing but stare at the sky. On retreat, you can read, meditate, journal, create, walk, pray, and do anything that helps you slow down and feel nourished.

One of the things I have been working on is tolerating silence. When I’m silent, I can hear the voices I often ignore — the shoulds, ought tos, and shouldn’ts. The silence I give myself allows me to question these voices instead of letting them run my life. It’s a very powerful practice to slow down enough to notice and work through these thoughts.

If you’re not a quiet type, there’s no requirement to be completely silent. The idea is to try something different. Give it some thought.

8. Make space for feelings

Taking time out puts you in touch with your feelings. At least it can. I sometimes feel moved just looking at the trees in fall, or a humming bird feeding, or a sumptuous retreat meal. In her book, An Altar in the World (excerpted here), Barbara Brown Taylor says, “…If you slow down for a day, then all kinds of alarming things can happen. You can start crying without having the slightest idea why.”

We spend so much energy putting off feelings in our daily lives that they can catch us by surprise. A wise friend once told me that any feeling, fully felt, dissipates. On retreat, you have the opportunity to feel deeply without interruption, allowing old pain to dissolve and more space to open in your heart.

I used to think that feeling emotional meant I was doing my retreat wrong — that I should just feel blissed out all the time. If you find yourself feeling moved, don’t let it frighten you. Welcome the feelings. Allow yourself to be present with them and discover what they have to tell you.

9. Listen to the small, still voice

Whether you’re gone for a day or a week, a moment may arrive when you’re not sure what to do next. In our normal lives, we’re used to rushing on to the next thing. On retreat, this moment of uncertainty gives you the opportunity to ask yourself a simple and life-changing question: “What do I need right now?”

When you ask this, pause. Stop and listen for a small, clear response. Some people hear a voice, others sense a feeling in their body. You might get an image, or a sound, or nothing at all. It might take some practice, this listening. When we rush, our spirit closes down — retreats open it back up again.

Listen for what this small, still voice has to share – and then find a way to act on it. I’ve spent entire retreats focusing on this one question, asking it of myself dozens of times in one day. “What do I need right now?” Then listening deeply. Then acting on what I perceive. Not only does this practice help my office organizing techniques, it’s a first class ticket to a more fulfilling life.

What do you need right now?

10. Integrate retreat insights into your life

When you return to your life, it might be hard to remember what you discovered about yourself. Take notes – leave breadcrumbs so you can find your way back to this simpler life. On the night before you leave your retreat, take some time to reflect on (and even record) some of the insights you gained during your retreat.

What would you like to take back with you? Maybe you ate home-made meals on retreat and you’d like to continue that practice at home. Maybe you slept for a full 8 hours each night. On one retreat, I discovered a simpler way to keep track of my work projects that I jotted down and implemented as soon as I got home. If you reflect, you can almost always find a seed of truth that you want to take home with you.

Take your time settling back in, even giving yourself a few days home with no commitments to ease back in. This allows even further integration of the pace of retreats and helps you slow your real life down to a healthier pace.

Is it time?

I know this is a long article. If you made it this far, perhaps a retreat is calling to you? What would it take for you to take the leap?

This post is one of a 4-part series on retreats. To read the rest, visit the links below:

Part 1: Laughs, Tears, and Rodents with Fancy Tails
Part 2: Get More Done by Not Doing Anything
Part 3: How the Retreat Really Went
Part 4: Is Your Spirit Tank on Empty? 10 steps to your retreat

13 comments

The title of this post was a tweet sent by @momcoach, Karen Bierdeman, owner of The Guilt-Free Mom. Thanks, Karen!

It’s a perfect question for busy entrepreneurs, too.

Here’s what I do when I’m having a bad day:

Connect.

This is a nice way of saying, “vent”. I prefer to call it problem analysis, but the intention is to reach out to another human being to share what’s bothering me. A little empathy goes a long way.

Unplug.

If I’m having a bad day and I’m not productive as a result, I take a good look at the calendar and take off the rest of the day — away from the computer.

Zone out.

That might mean I play Wii, eat chocolate, read, journal, pet the cats… or do some activity that helps me self-nourish and fill up the energetic stores.

Reflect.

Sometimes I have a bad day because I’ve been doing too much and need to retreat. So I ask myself, “Where is this coming from? What do you need?” Those few moments of reflection can make a big difference if I act on my discoveries.

What do YOU do when you’re having a bad day that you wish were over?

2 comments

Okay, literalists, it is technically still November. But December’s tomorrow.

I’m curious. How are doing?

Are you:

• a. What? December’s here?
• b. I’m still recovering from Thanksgiving last week, thankyouvurrymuch.
• c. Hanging on to my hat and praying that Christmas break gets here soon.
• d. No time to reflect on this. Too busy. I should be doing something else right now.
• e. Pretty good – not too stressed – thanks for asking.
• f. Other (fill in blank): _______________________________

I’ll start.

Personally, my Thanksgiving holiday was pretty restful (plus I got to hang out with Sharon, Theresa, and Tim.) and I’m feeling more grounded than I have in a while.

I’ve also made that age-old mistake of booking myself solid the first few days “back”. (Note to self: Um, could you please not do that?) Like today. But I’m managing. And breathing.

So, December’s tomorrow. How are you?

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I’ll bet that you’ve “gone and done it” at least once in your life, too.

Forgot an appointment?

I did. This morning. With my awesome, amazing, quirky, totally-integruous CPA and friend, Dale Kennedy.

Dale’s my Dad-away-from-Dad. He talks sense to me about planning and money in his inimitable humorous, ADD way. He peppers me with questions – and I’d better be on my toes with good answers. He cracks me up but he means business – and I’m touched that he’s genuinely interested in how I and my business are doing. Every time I see him he asks me, “Have you read Rich Dad, Poor Dad yet?”

I love this guy. I never knew an accountant could be so fun. So real. So human.

Dale is busy, but he made an informal breakfast appointment with me just to catch up at one of my favorite restaurants.

The glitch.

I’ve been on the edge of stress lately and, without checking my calendar, I gave myself permission this morning to stay in bed with my coffee and read. A mental health hour.

I felt sooo soothed and nurtured by this little pocket of time for myself.

If you’re paying attention, you’ll have caught the glitch above: I didn’t check my calendar. I usually check tomorrow’s calendar in the evening to avoid this very situation. But I didn’t.

I also ignored that little niggle in my stomach while I sipped my coffee that said, “Are you sure you have nothing scheduled this morning?”

At 8:15, I sat down at my calendar and the reality hit me: I was already 15 minutes late – and a half-hour’s drive from our meeting place. I said aloud, “[Expletive]!” And then, “[Stream of expletives]!”

And then I called Dale.

Forgiveness: the moral of the story

The first thing he said to me was, and I quote, “Be at peace.” Seriously. I was so stressed and worried that I offended him – and I felt so badly imagining him sitting by himself at the restaurant – and he tells me to be at peace.

Dear reader, this time the lesson’s on me. While I’m constantly talking about offering yourself compassion for mistakes, this time Dale gave it to me instead. When he could have been justifiably irate. I’m humbled and grateful.

Big thanks to Dale. I hope his “found” 45 minutes were relaxing and productive.

The bonus lesson

One of my twitter buddies said to me this morning, “No one trusts a perfectly organized organizer!”

I guess this makes me trustworthy.

No matter how mortified I feel about missing my breakfast with Dale, the truth is we all forget stuff. Even me. We are all busy, distracted, and trying to make our way the best we can.

We’re all also learning as we go. You’re learning, I’m learning.

My bonus lesson from this is to listen to my intuition. It’s usually right.

What’s your bonus lesson?

6 comments

Originally, I went on retreat because I wanted to get away.

Away from what? Good question. I made the mistaken assumption that my sources of anxiety were outside of me. I believed if I left them behind for a few days that all would be well. I can hear you chuckling. The only thing that all my problems have in common is me.

I’m going on a picnic and I’ll bring…

Remember that game? I’ll bring an apple, banana, carrot, etc.? Well, I started with the b’s. I brought my brain.

What I realized after my first day on retreat is that although I was physically removed from my life, my head came along with me. You know that thing that offers a running narrative on your moment-to-moment actions and thoughts? That. And considering that my brain also runs all my bodily functions, I just couldn’t leave it at home.

Removing myself from my life gave me the opportunity to pay attention to and listen to what was going on in my mind. Let me tell you, there’s a reason why we delay taking time off or time alone – it’s hard to sit with those voices.

During our daily lives we do a lot of things that push down or pacify those voices. For me, it’s Twitter, email and Facebook… but it can be a lot of things. Television, web surfing, gossiping, arguing, sudoku, eating, and busywork can all help us push away our thoughts – at least temporarily.

When you get quiet or get away, there they remain, waiting for your attention.

I’m also bringing my heart.

In addition to my brain, I also brought my soft, squishy lub-dubber with me.

The distracting activities I mentioned above are also effective at preventing feelings from coming up. Especially emotions that are uncomfortable, sad, or painful. It’s a way of caring for yourself, these activities, if you don’t have room for them in your life or support to deal with them.

While I was on retreat, I felt anxious at times, sad, reverent, peaceful, irritated… just like in my normal life. Being “away” didn’t change that.

What was different, though, is that on retreat I had the spaciousness to sit with all the feelings that arose and treat them as honored guests. Or at least as tolerable visitors. I don’t always have room in my life for this. My heart wasn’t confined or busy. As the days went by, I felt lighter and lighter.

I got quiet enough to listen to to my heart’s wants and needs without skepticism and really honor them. By listening well, I discovered that this fall, my heart wants to focus on clearing out, saying “no”, pruning what isn’t life-giving, and allowing some things to pass away in my life. Considering that I often focus on growth and expansion, this was a refreshing surprise. And a relief.

Well… and you, too.

Here was the most surprising thing: when my brain had had its say and my heart felt open and expansive… well, I started feeling really rested and happy. I stopped thinking about me and started thinking about and sending loving thoughts toward my loved ones, my friends, and eventually all the people in my community including you. This came naturally and I couldn’t help it.

When I got filled up, it easily overflowed to everything and everyone else. That’s how it’s supposed to work.

The moral of the story

You may have read the first and second part to this mini-series on retreats as self-care. If you have, wow… thanks for hanging in there with me. Now that we’ve reached part three, I’ll tell you the moral of the story: you are nature.

Woah, what?

That’s right: You are nature. And nature rests. Look at any garden in the northern hemisphere right now. You’ll see they’re all settling in for a nice 3-5 month nap without guilt or excuses or even a solid timeline for recommencing.

I waited two-and-a-half years before I took a much-needed rest. I’m committing here and now to retreating for 4 days every 3 months – even though I’m not yet sure how I’ll make it happen. I’m worth it – and so are you.

This post is one of a 4-part series on retreats. To read the rest, visit the links below:

Part 1: Laughs, Tears, and Rodents with Fancy Tails
Part 2: Get More Done by Not Doing Anything
Part 3: How the Retreat Really Went
Part 4: Is Your Spirit Tank on Empty? 10 steps to your retreat

What are you needing rest-wise?

5 comments

Many of my clients, readers, and friends tell me that they feel like they’re running out of steam.

Whatever it is that’s got them down – jobhunting, starting a business, trying to take their business to the next level, or simply trying to stay positive and focused – it seems as if a lot of people are just worn out. The long recession, whether you’ve been personally affected or not, has taken its toll on everyone’s energy. As one friend put it, it’s like being a cat in a roomful of rocking chairs: a little difficult to navigate without getting pinched.

It’s been a tough few years, to be sure. If you’ve not been directly affected, you’re one of the fortunate few – and it’s certain that you know people who have suffered in one way or another. However, without meaning to sound unrealistically chirpy, I’d like to point out that a happy cat has his tail straight up in the air, and thus isn’t at risk from those rockers. I’m not advocating a false sense of optimism, but at the same time, doom-and-gloom isn’t any more accurate.

Whether you believe in the signs of a recovery or not, you still need to keep putting one foot in front of the other. And if you can find a way to put a spring in your step as you do so, so much the better. Here are a few suggestions to try.

Accept that you don’t know

Dealing with the unpredictability of these last few years has been a struggle for most people. It’s human nature to want to know what’s going to happen. And when things are calm, the illusion that you *do* know is easy to maintain.

Unfortunately, as the instability of recent times has proven, that secure feeling of “knowing” what’s coming is indeed an illusion. The fact is that none of us really knows what’s going to happen next, no matter how much we like to believe that our plans will unfold as expected.

As an experiment, imagine that it’s okay (instead of stressful) to not know what’s going to happen. How would you feel and act? What would you do differently? Can you actually rest in that place of not knowing and allow yourself to be curious?

Experience moves

All experience has a beginning, a middle, and an end.

This time, like any other, is an experience.

Here in the middle of it you may feel as if it will *never* change. But as the old saying goes, this too shall pass.

And although, as I said above, you don’t *know* what will happen next, you *can* know that something will happen, and that it will eventually be different from what’s happening now.

Do your feelings and your perspective change when you see that what’s happening is neither endless nor stuck? What seems different from this point of view?

What nourishes you?

It’s easy to get trapped in feeling that you *have* to keep working hard, nonstop, with no break allowed. Especially if you have financial concerns (and who doesn’t!), keeping your nose to the grindstone may feel like your only option.

But grinding yourself down to an exhausted shadow doesn’t do you, or anyone else, any good. It’s not necessary, and ultimately it’s counter-productive. Yes, hanging in there with your job-hunt, or with the activities necessary to build your business, or with what’s needed to stay visible and productive in the office – it’s all important. And yes, you may have financial constraints that prevent you from taking the vacation you really want.

Yet there are *always* options for taking a break, indulging in a little luxury, and treating yourself to some time and space.

Go to the library and check out a trashy novel or a good movie; explore a park you’ve never visited before; take advantage of free classes at your local garden center, museum, library, or small business administration.

Drive to an area of town you’ve never explored, and then park and take a walk and see what you can discover – or just keep on driving and have fun getting lost. Spend an afternoon doing absolutely nothing at all. Find a way to cook something completely different with ingredients you have on hand.

In short, consider what nourishes you and make a commitment to give it to yourself on a regular basis. If finances are a concern, engage your curiosity and sense of play to find fun things to do that don’t cost much – or anything at all. Everything on the list above is completely without cost, except for the gas you might use driving to the library, a class, or getting lost!

What does “help” mean?

One client was feeling overwhelmed by jobhunting advice from well-meaning friends and family. When she stopped discussing her job search with them and focused instead on shared interests and activities, spending time with them became fun and rewarding again instead of draining.

As I suggested to her, when you’re clear about how you want help (or even *if* you want help), you’re more likely to get what you need. Take a few moments to define for yourself what support you’d appreciate. Then when a friend offers unwanted advice or assistance, you can gently explain what they could do that would *really* be helpful.

If you’ve ever hiked mountain trails, you know that an uphill climb can sometimes seem endless. The effort of putting one foot in front of the other, over and over again, starts feeling overwhelming.

But then – sometimes quite suddenly – you’re there: at the top, enjoying the view. And even the people who were groaning the loudest during the climb are glad they stuck it out.

Keep on keeping on. You *will* get there – and things *will* change!

Keep on going and the chances are you will stumble on something, perhaps when you are least expecting it. I have never heard of anyone stumbling on something sitting down.”

Charles F. Kettering, 1876-1958, American inventor, holder of 140 patents, founder of Delco, and head of research for General Motors from 1920-1947.

Does this topic resonate for you? Where are you moving forward, even though you’re uncertain of the outcome?

Care to comment?

Learning the gentle art of retreat

From your enthusiastic and heartfelt emails about the squirrel in my truck, I could tell that the topic touched a nerve. Apparently, I have a lot of overwhelmed readers who are in good company.

Simply put: you’re busy. You have a million commitments to your work, your family, your community, your inbox… not to mention the fact that you’re trying to keep it all balanced and maybe have a little fun from time to time.

So I wanted to make space in this Juicy Gems to share how to meet that need for retreat.

Resistance

Although you might think people would feel enthusiastic about taking a reprieve, most don’t. When they acknowledge how truly tired they feel, most people try to ignore it. It often feels overwhelming and even frightening to consider taking a break.

So instead of meeting that deep need, we make up reasons why we shouldn’t, can’t, don’t have time, don’t have money, etc. Indeed, there isn’t a lot of time or money to spare in most households today. You do have commitments and obligations to meet. But what’s the real cost to you?

What do you really gain in the long run by denying yourself the space and time you truly need?

At the heart of the matter

I believe that there nothing more important than nourishing your heart-spirit. Nothing. You weren’t born to be a slave to your work or your duties. You were born to live.

If you look in nature, you’ll see busy birds work at their nests, gathering food, raising young – and yet they also sit, fat and happy in a sunbeam, and sing for the sheer joy of it. Even our resident hummingbirds, the most active bird on the planet, sit in the tops of trees and just look around for whole minutes at a time.

Photo credit: Marc Langille – www.marclangille.com

If they can, can’t you?

It’s an inside job

The biggest challenge isn’t deciding what you’ll do with your retreat time. The biggest leap for most people (including me) is actually agreeing to do it. So, I’d like to offer 3 suggestions that might make that process easier.

- Set your intention

In a quiet moment, ask yourself: What kind of retreat do I really need?

And listen inside of you for messages from your heart. Images. Sensations. Just notice if anything comes up – and trust it.

If you feel the urge to squash the first things that come up, don’t. Be gentle with yourself.

Over a period of a few moments or even several days, allow yourself to dream up your idea of what a retreat might look like. Maybe it includes other people, or maybe not. Maybe it’s in your home, or away from it. Maybe it involves activity, or maybe doing nothing at all.

You get to decide. Dream a little.

- Create the space

Once you have a clear idea of what it is you want, then create the space in your life to have it.

About a month ago, I decided I needed a get-away-from-everything retreat at the end of this month. I haven’t done this in over 2 years and it felt like a huge leap.

• Commitments: In order to clear the space in my life, I spoke with and asked permission from more than a half-dozen people. Inspired Spouse, co-workers, business buddies, clients, etc. 10, to be exact. Some of them, multiple times. It was a little scary to be clear with them about how I needed their support and help, but asking them helped make space.

• Finances: I had to check my budget and make sure I could swing time off from work and spend money on my retreat. I was able to negotiate a discount on my accommodations. This made space in my finances.

• Calendar: I looked at my calendar again and again to make sure I hadn’t forgotten to close a loop or follow up on something. It took about a week to work out the details.

The good news? After all this clearing, I’ve made space for a whole week off next week. I’ll be completely unplugged. I’ll be spending 4 days at an abbey – a totally new experience for me. I can’t tell you how freeing this feels.

- Commit

Once you have an intention and you’ve made space to retreat, put it on your calendar (or however you remind yourself).

When possible conflicts arise beforehand, you may find yourself struggling to keep your time a priority. You may be expected to put others first, or work, or school. Practice holding the space open for yourself. It can be a stretch, but your heart-spirit is worth the effort.

Yo, Jen. What does this have to do with organizing?

A valid question. : )

The way I see it, when your heart and spirit are nourished, you can do anything you set your mind to. Work becomes easier. Creativity flows. Relationships blossom. Nourishing yourself makes everything possible… including having an inspired home office.

Everyone needs time to replenish. And if you’re still not convinced, think of how much more focused and relaxed you’ll feel when you return.

If you’re inclined, I’d love your positive thoughts and prayers while I’m on retreat next week.

This post is one of a 4-part series on retreats. To read the rest, visit the links below:

Part 1: Laughs, Tears, and Rodents with Fancy Tails
Part 2: Get More Done by Not Doing Anything
Part 3: How the Retreat Really Went
Part 4: Is Your Spirit Tank on Empty? 10 steps to your retreat

What would be your idea of a truly soul-nourishing retreat?

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