Perspective.

If you peek into a day in the life of the average entrepreneur you’ll see email, social networking, appointments, bills, writing, more email, returning messages, home-life interruptions, and more.

Ever-present is the feeling that there’s not enough time to do it all – and the urge to get some space to sort it all out. Is any of this busy work helping?

Here’s what I do to get perspective

• Quarterly 4-day retreats – Back in September, I acknowledged that if I didn’t change how I ran myself in my biz, my head would likely blow up. Making a commitment to quarterly retreats seemed huge and scary. Now that I’ve already been on 2 of them, I’m finding that I feel emotionally and spiritually replenished AND I have more clarity about where I’m going and what I’m doing in my work. Now I’m unapologetic about taking that much time “off”.

• Monthly weekend retreats - This year I’m experimenting with a monthly overnight retreat in addition to the quarterly ones. My first one is at the end of January. Expect a good report.

• Weekly check-ins – As I type this, I’m thinking that this “quarterly/monthly/weekly” thing might sound too structured to you. It’s arbitrary, but helps me bring a rhythm to the ritual of stepping out of the “daily” and looking at the big picture.

Anyway, I meet weekly by phone with one of the coolest bizbuds ever. Marissa and I check in on last week’s progress and then work for a few hours together on our separate projects. At the end of our call, we state aloud our goals for the coming week.

Having someone who really sees what’s happening in my biz, helps me set realistic goals, and who looks forward to my progress updates (and I hers) motivates me like nothing else.

• The 2 column list – Also a weekly thing on Mondays, I stand up to write this list of “steps I will do this week or delegate to the divine” which gives me physical perspective (instead of sitting hunched at my desk) and a feeling of authority. It’s easy to read from my desk, so I can decide what to work on next that gets me closer to my goals.

Here’s what’s in the works

• Long term destination – Inspired by a recent talk by Robert Fritz, I realized that I want a clearer definition of where I and my biz are headed in the next 5 years. Something visible and, better yet, tangible. I don’t know how or what it is yet (and that’s just fine), realizing and naming that I want it will help me create it.

What do you do that gives you perspective?

Your turn! If you’d like, please share what you’re doing that helps you get perspective in your business and/or life – and also something that you’re working on/experimenting with.

Your comments on your own process are welcome. Just remember to give advice to me or others only when it’s specifically requested. This makes exploring safe and learning possible for every reader.

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Can you feel the wonder? It’s a season of miracles, light returning, birth, and celebration. It’s also a time of dying, of letting go, of finding the quiet within.

As I’ve been contemplating the end of the year, I feel deeply touched by how much there is to celebrate.

Finding the celebration

In this second year of Inspired Home Office, over 500 people have joined the conversation through my newsletter and an additional 1,500 hearts through Facebook and Twitter. These connections have allowed people struggling with order to find some peace from knowing that disorganization is simply a symptom of creativity. You’re not broken. There is a way through that honors all of who you are.

This year, participation in Inspired Home Office classes has blossomed. Monthly Office Spa Days had over 75 in attendance for the year – many of whom were confessed repeat addicts fans. A record number of people completed the Inspired Organizing program this year. I feel humbled and honored to walk with these courageous, passionate souls – and delighted to hear of the successes they’ve found as a result of our work.

On a personal note of celebration, the successes of Inspired Home Office this year have allowed me to eradicate almost $6000 of credit card debt. This accomplishment brings me a whole 20% closer to my goal of being debt free. Eeeyoop!

Travelers on the journey

If you’re self-employed, you know well that these accomplishments don’t happen without a team of supporters. So many people helped on my path this year, I’m just overflowing with gratitude and want to thank them publicly:

• Mastermind buds: Jenn Givler and Lisa Hunter
• Extraordinary helper friends: Marissa Bracke, Sharon Roemmel, Theresa Cornwell, Havi Brooks, Kitchen Tablers, Joanne Scharer, Kathy Hofmann (a.k.a. Mom)
• Joint venture divas: Jen Louden, Charlie Gilkey, Molly Gordon, Ariane Goodwin
• Teachers that made all the difference: Mark Silver, Lori Cegon, Marcia Bagnall, Scott Sadler, Ann Anderson
• Soulful tech queens: Allie Towers Rice, Wendy Cholbi
• Inspired Spouse: My one and only.
• You. Thank you for showing up, commenting, sharing ideas, and being 100% true to yourself. This wouldn’t be a business without you.

The next mountaintop

In January, Inspired Home Office turns 3 and exciting developments are on the horizon. The business is growing up. She tells me regularly that she wants to tie her OWN shoes and walk to the bus by herself. I’m learning to step out of the way of her growth so that miracles and healing can continue.

However, to push ahead today would deny an essential piece. The business still needs me to show up alive and engaged. As I send this, I’ll be entering the longest vacation I’ve taken in the last 10 years. 17 whole days. Some of which I’ll be on retreat.

While I’m away, I’ll be filling up any empty corners in my heart, surrounding myself with quiet, and coming back to the world renewed. I’ll be thinking of you and holding you in my prayers.

I’m wishing you peace, connection, presence and love this season. I look forward to connecting with you in January. Thank you for an amazing year.

Warm thoughts,
Jennifer

Shall we explore why? Let’s start with a fun little pie graph.

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Let’s say that this is an image of what an ideal day looks like for the average creative person. You might not agree with everything there, but it’s a stand-in for the kind of life you’d like to have. Balanced, fulfilling, sane.

With me so far?

Okay, good. Let’s say that you have this balanced schedule in mind most of the time as your ideal in life.

Lots of perfectly intelligent people believe they can keep the same schedule while also entertaining, traveling, shopping for gifts, etc. It’ll all work out somehow. “Oh, I’m planning to work on my So-And-So and finish it over the holiday break.” (Sound familiar?) And then January 1 rolls around and they’re internally thrashing themselves for not having completed anything.

Forgetting reality

Time is kind of like the Pauli exclusion principle: two objects cannot occupy the same space at the same time. You can’t be working 100% on your business when you’re trying to relax and visit.

The chart above is a circle to represent the fact that there are a finite number of hours in the day. 24 to be exact. In that first wheel, the “work” slice of time has 8 hours. Now, in the big holiday celebration scenario, watch what happens:
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There’s still balance, it’s just different balance. Work goes down to a measly 3 hours. Instead of solid productivity, those work hours might be an hour here, 30 minutes there checking email.

The trade-off? All the other fun things like more time with family and friends! More yummy food and hanging out snacking on hors d’ouvres! Yay for holidays!

Then why does it feel so not-fun?

Holiday stress comes from not knowing how you’ll fit it all in. From rushing in blindly with a can-do-attitude. You can’t have all those activities and a normal work life. Or you’ll spend half of January recovering.

You can’t. You can’t fit it all in. There isn’t enough time.

So, let’s suppose that you want to enjoy your break and work less (or not at all). If that’s true, then lower your standards. Cut in half (or more) whatever it is you’re planning to do work-wise over the holiday break.

This way, you actually get a chance to be where you are. You can actually enjoy the people you’re with. You might be truly present (what a gift!) and even relax for a change.

Holiday “breaks” don’t happen by themselves.

You have to treat your holiday break like a pie. (Mmmm. Pie…)

Imagine your ideal work day as a yummy pie – and then imagine using a lovely silver serving utensil to cut out a slice. Decide how big a portion of spaciousness you want. Go ahead.

Decide now what work and to-dos are optional before it starts getting crazy. Then set that slice of work aside. It’ll keep. When the holidays are over you can munch on it all you like.

Persuaded?

What will you cut out over the holidays so you enjoy them more? And for bonus points, do share what kind of pie you’d like to have!

It’s the first Monday of November, folks. (How on earth did that happen?)

Now that there’s a mere 9 weeks until the end of the year, many self-employed business owners are doing an end-of-year cram session – trying to finish everything they hoped to do in 2009. Admittedly, I feel tempted to do the same. I get this feeling that I’m running out of time.

You too?

If you’re feeling end-of-year panic, take a breath or two or three. Good long slow ones. None of us is really running out of time. December 31 is just a day – in a long string of many days.

This time of year there’s a focus on the home fires, of gathering and connecting. It doesn’t mesh well with attempting to push through tons of work. So finding a balance is key.

Setting end-of-year goals for 2009

What is currently working well for me:

Being kind to myself. A while back, I made it my intention to treat myself (in my business) the way I would a paid employee. Would I ask an inspired helper to cram? No. Would I ask them to work holidays? No. Would I encourage them to take time off? Of course. So that’s how I’m treating myself. Hard? Yes. : )

Having realistic expectations of myself. I’ve learned over the years that I don’t focus well on my work when I’m preparing for the holidays. So I’m dialing back on the work load for Thanksgiving and taking almost 2 weeks off over Christmas and New Years. That’s a huge shift for me.

Choosing only one end-of-year goal. Truthfully, I have many goals but I wrote all of them down and just chose one for the end of the year. The others I put on the back burner. There’s no point in forcing them all. And I may actually have a chance of getting that one done.

Giving myself permission to rest. This is probably the hardest thing because somewhere inside me is this belief that if I have free time, I “should” be working. But as I found out in September, taking time to rest actually filled up my heart and spirit and gave me all kinds of energy and creativity.

I know this resting stuff is a hard sell for you diligent worker bees – especially if you’re strapped for cash. You think, “I can’t stop – or everything will fall apart.” But consider it.

What I’m currently working on:

Setting aside the time. The only way I really honor my need for rest is by actually putting it in my calendar. By blocking it out, I literally cannot make appointments with others. It’s that visual reminder that I need.

So, I’m going to block out the holidays/breaks I’ve chosen today – before it all runs away with me.

My goals for 2009

• Business: Release the new top-secret product to my newsletter subscribers.
• Business: Continue blogging and writing the newsletter.
• Business: Prepare for my time off so I can really enjoy it.
• Personal: Take off Thanksgiving week and December 21 – Jan 3.
• Personal: Fill up. Be silent. Journal. Pray. Meditate. Soak in all the love.

How about you?

Please share:

1. What’s going well in your end-of-year goal setting ?
2. What are you working on that you’d like to be better?
3. What are your actual goals for the rest of 2009?

Your comments on your own process are welcome. House rules: Give advice to me or others only when it’s specifically requested. This makes exploring safe and learning possible for every reader.

Maybe you’ve heard enough about retreats lately, but several people have asked where I went. Sooo…

Here’s a Top 10 of my favorite places to retreat.

10. My parents in Connecticut
9. My in-laws on the Oregon Coast
8. Orcas Island, Washington
7. Sharon and Theresa’s farm in South Salem (goats!)
6. A secret cabin in Prineville, OR (I’ll never tell!)
5. Basically anything on vrbo.com
4. Anywhere on Kauai
3. My meditation corner in my office
2. Mount Angel Abbey (where I stayed this month)
1. Breitenbush Hot Springs

Total ADD non-sequitor

I just learned this week that the owners of my favorite odor-eliminating product (that I highly recommend if you have pets) had a house fire. This would be merely heartbreaking if they didn’t also run their small business out of their house. They’re turning lemons into lemonade and doing a fire sale: everything they sell is half-off.

I make no money in mentioning it, I want to spread the word to help them out. More details here if you’re interested: http://odorxitfire.homestead.com/

Okay, so back to the main topic. : )

I’m wondering this: Where are your favorite places to retreat?

Away from what? Good question. I made the mistaken assumption that my sources of anxiety were outside of me. I believed if I left them behind for a few days that all would be well. I can hear you chuckling. The only thing that all my problems have in common is me.

I’m going on a picnic and I’ll bring…

Remember that game? I’ll bring an apple, banana, carrot, etc.? Well, I started with the b’s. I brought my brain.

What I realized after my first day on retreat is that although I was physically removed from my life, my head came along with me. You know that thing that offers a running narrative on your moment-to-moment actions and thoughts? That. And considering that my brain also runs all my bodily functions, I just couldn’t leave it at home.

Removing myself from my life gave me the opportunity to pay attention to and listen to what was going on in my mind. Let me tell you, there’s a reason why we delay taking time off or time alone – it’s hard to sit with those voices.

During our daily lives we do a lot of things that push down or pacify those voices. For me, it’s Twitter, email and Facebook… but it can be a lot of things. Television, web surfing, gossiping, arguing, sudoku, eating, and busywork can all help us push away our thoughts – at least temporarily.

When you get quiet or get away, there they remain, waiting for your attention.

I’m also bringing my heart.

In addition to my brain, I also brought my soft, squishy lub-dubber with me.

The distracting activities I mentioned above are also effective at preventing feelings from coming up. Especially emotions that are uncomfortable, sad, or painful. It’s a way of caring for yourself, these activities, if you don’t have room for them in your life or support to deal with them.

While I was on retreat, I felt anxious at times, sad, reverent, peaceful, irritated… just like in my normal life. Being “away” didn’t change that.

What was different, though, is that on retreat I had the spaciousness to sit with all the feelings that arose and treat them as honored guests. Or at least as tolerable visitors. I don’t always have room in my life for this. My heart wasn’t confined or busy. As the days went by, I felt lighter and lighter.

I got quiet enough to listen to to my heart’s wants and needs without skepticism and really honor them. By listening well, I discovered that this fall, my heart wants to focus on clearing out, saying “no”, pruning what isn’t life-giving, and allowing some things to pass away in my life. Considering that I often focus on growth and expansion, this was a refreshing surprise. And a relief.

Well… and you, too.

Here was the most surprising thing: when my brain had had its say and my heart felt open and expansive… well, I started feeling really rested and happy. I stopped thinking about me and started thinking about and sending loving thoughts toward my loved ones, my friends, and eventually all the people in my community including you. This came naturally and I couldn’t help it.

When I got filled up, it easily overflowed to everything and everyone else. That’s how it’s supposed to work.

The moral of the story

You may have read the first and second part to this mini-series on retreats as self-care. If you have, wow… thanks for hanging in there with me. Now that we’ve reached part three, I’ll tell you the moral of the story: you are nature.

Woah, what?

That’s right: You are nature. And nature rests. Look at any garden in the northern hemisphere right now. You’ll see they’re all settling in for a nice 3-5 month nap without guilt or excuses or even a solid timeline for recommencing.

I waited two-and-a-half years before I took a much-needed rest. I’m committing here and now to retreating for 4 days every 3 months – even though I’m not yet sure how I’ll make it happen. I’m worth it – and so are you.

What are you needing rest-wise?

From your enthusiastic and heartfelt emails about the squirrel in my truck, I could tell that the topic touched a nerve. Apparently, I have a lot of overwhelmed readers who are in good company.

Simply put: you’re busy. You have a million commitments to your work, your family, your community, your inbox… not to mention the fact that you’re trying to keep it all balanced and maybe have a little fun from time to time.

So I wanted to make space in this Juicy Gems to share how to meet that need for retreat.

Resistance

Although you might think people would feel enthusiastic about taking a reprieve, most don’t. When they acknowledge how truly tired they feel, most people try to ignore it. It often feels overwhelming and even frightening to consider taking a break.

So instead of meeting that deep need, we make up reasons why we shouldn’t, can’t, don’t have time, don’t have money, etc. Indeed, there isn’t a lot of time or money to spare in most households today. You do have commitments and obligations to meet. But what’s the real cost to you?

What do you really gain in the long run by denying yourself the space and time you truly need?

At the heart of the matter

I believe that there nothing more important than nourishing your heart-spirit. Nothing. You weren’t born to be a slave to your work or your duties. You were born to live.

If you look in nature, you’ll see busy birds work at their nests, gathering food, raising young – and yet they also sit, fat and happy in a sunbeam, and sing for the sheer joy of it. Even our resident hummingbirds, the most active bird on the planet, sit in the tops of trees and just look around for whole minutes at a time.

Photo credit: Marc Langille – www.marclangille.com

If they can, can’t you?

It’s an inside job

The biggest challenge isn’t deciding what you’ll do with your retreat time. The biggest leap for most people (including me) is actually agreeing to do it. So, I’d like to offer 3 suggestions that might make that process easier.

- Set your intention

In a quiet moment, ask yourself: What kind of retreat do I really need?

And listen inside of you for messages from your heart. Images. Sensations. Just notice if anything comes up – and trust it.

If you feel the urge to squash the first things that come up, don’t. Be gentle with yourself.

Over a period of a few moments or even several days, allow yourself to dream up your idea of what a retreat might look like. Maybe it includes other people, or maybe not. Maybe it’s in your home, or away from it. Maybe it involves activity, or maybe doing nothing at all.

You get to decide. Dream a little.

- Create the space

Once you have a clear idea of what it is you want, then create the space in your life to have it.

About a month ago, I decided I needed a get-away-from-everything retreat at the end of this month. I haven’t done this in over 2 years and it felt like a huge leap.

• Commitments: In order to clear the space in my life, I spoke with and asked permission from more than a half-dozen people. Inspired Spouse, co-workers, business buddies, clients, etc. 10, to be exact. Some of them, multiple times. It was a little scary to be clear with them about how I needed their support and help, but asking them helped make space.

• Finances: I had to check my budget and make sure I could swing time off from work and spend money on my retreat. I was able to negotiate a discount on my accommodations. This made space in my finances.

• Calendar: I looked at my calendar again and again to make sure I hadn’t forgotten to close a loop or follow up on something. It took about a week to work out the details.

The good news? After all this clearing, I’ve made space for a whole week off next week. I’ll be completely unplugged. I’ll be spending 4 days at an abbey – a totally new experience for me. I can’t tell you how freeing this feels.

- Commit

Once you have an intention and you’ve made space to retreat, put it on your calendar (or however you remind yourself).

When possible conflicts arise beforehand, you may find yourself struggling to keep your time a priority. You may be expected to put others first, or work, or school. Practice holding the space open for yourself. It can be a stretch, but your heart-spirit is worth the effort.

Yo, Jen. What does this have to do with organizing?

A valid question. : )

The way I see it, when your heart and spirit are nourished, you can do anything you set your mind to. Work becomes easier. Creativity flows. Relationships blossom. Nourishing yourself makes everything possible… including having an inspired home office.

Everyone needs time to replenish. And if you’re still not convinced, think of how much more focused and relaxed you’ll feel when you return.

If you’re inclined, I’d love your positive thoughts and prayers while I’m on retreat next week.

What would be your idea of a truly soul-nourishing retreat?