Who wins and loses in Mastodon vs. Your Inbox?
How thinking gets you into trouble – and gets you out of it, too.
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Sometimes it’s not the clutter.
Sometimes it’s what we think that causes the most trouble.
Imagine sitting down at your computer to check your email and, when you open the inbox, the number total unopened emails is in the 4-digits.
You look at that number glowing on your screen and quietly think to yourelf,
“I’m so behind. I’m never going to catch up.”
That little comment to yourself is so quiet that you hardly even notice it. Even if you do, it’s so quick, it barely registers before you’re on to the next thing.
Looking deeper
The effect that thought has on you is immense. Deep in your brain, that thought triggers a response to a threat. Your body begins to prepare for battle or flight – skin begins to sweat, heart rate increases, adrenaline is released to give you the power to run.
Most of the time, you have no idea it’s even happening. Your brain is on auto-pilot.
The problem is that you can’t put this response to good use. You can’t punch your inbox’s lights out. And, faced with 1000 emails, you probably won’t take flight and run screaming down the hall. All the body triggers are out of alignment with the actual stimulus.
Overload
Worst of all, if you’re like a lot of stressed-out, busy people, you’re constantly thinking these kinds of thoughts:
I’m so behind.
I should have this done by now.
I promised I’d have this back to her.
My client is showing up any minute.
I’m never going to get caught up.
I’ll never break through.
I forgot that AGAIN!?
I should be doing way more than I am.
Say these kinds of things to yourself enough times and you’ll feel like you’re always running and always fighting for some peace.
Case in point
If you’ve ever had the illusion that Jen Hofmann has it all figured out, think again. A couple of months ago I started having heart fluttering and chest pain – accompanied by pretty awful digestive problems. I had no idea what was going on and I was really scared.
Interestingly, right before the symptoms started, I had been thinking about how January was (in my mind) “a wash” and I kept telling myself, “I wasted a whole month. I should have been doing more to grow my business.”
I was talking myself into a mental frenzy – for what? January was fine.
When the symptoms started, I failed to see what a compassionate physician did: I was stressed to the point of anxiety. All because of my thoughts.
Stress isn’t a baseline state
When it comes to surviving en encounter with an angry mastodon, stress is a lifesaver. But when your opponent is your inbox or your kitchen counter or the vacuum cleaner, that level of stress is out of alignment. We all do it, but it really does us harm. Ask any cardiac expert.
Thoughts are an inside job
Lots of people jump to the conclusion that if the inbox is causing you stress, the solution is to clean it out. I say, woah there. Not so fast.
Instead, I invite you on a journey of far greater subtlety:
1. Practice noticing your thoughts.
Like a lot of people, if you can’t see something, it doesn’t exist. Inspired Spouse suggested yesterday that I start keeping a list of the thoughts that come up for me. What a fabulous idea. I’m keeping a running list for the next week, just to see what’s there.
Neutrally observing your beliefs is freeing in a way that a desperately clean desk isn’t.
2. See your thoughts as visitors, not guests.
Instead of opening the door and willy-nilly letting in any thought, ask yourself if you want what they’re selling.
Just because a Girl Scout rings the bell, doesn’t mean she can move into the guest room. Just because you think you’re behind, doesn’t mean that belief needs to move in and run your life.
When you start seeing your thoughts as visitors, you’re actively loosening the hold they have on your spirit – not to mention your autonomic nervous system. You get to decide what stays and what goes – which is empowering.
3. Gently start sending your thoughts away.
In other words, when you notice a thought, don’t cause more damage by telling yourself, “Dummy! Why are you thinking that again?”
Be gentle.
Notice if there are thoughts you want to release because they’re not really true. If you’re feeling behind, behind compared to what? What if it were okay to be exactly where you are right now, even if it’s not where you wanted to be?
The key is to begin to cultivate gentleness toward yourself.
The thoughts inside your head are sometimes harsh and cruel – and you can’t thrive in an environment like that. When you put your spirit in front of the line, the thoughts may still come up but they won’t run your life. It might be a long journey to get to that place, but just think of the possibilities.
Thoughts? Yeah, buts? Me toos?