Getting out of Debt is a series about a topic many feel too embarrassed to discuss with even their closest loved ones. My hope? To share this journey with you so we can all live more freely and abundantly.
How I got into debt in the first place
I’ve just typed this title and now I’m staring at it. Thinking hard.
How did I get here, anyway?
In all likelihood, I got here by spending a little here and a little there. A few extravagant dinners a year didn’t seem like much. A vacation there – well, I deserved a break. I quit my job and started a business. Twice. My car needed repair. I bought groceries, heating oil and gasoline.
I didn’t wake up one day and say, “You know, I feel like spending 30,702 bucks! Charge!”
Debt arrived in dribs and drabs.
In truth, I feel a lot of shame about this debt. When I feel ashamed, I want to make excuses to explain my behavior. But explaining also leaves me feeling like a victim of my own choices. Which is crazy because I made them. I signed the receipts. I just didn’t realize how many.
So out of this mental pickle came a realization: I’ve spent unconsciously.
Two things I’m doing about debt
Back in elementary school gym class, we had these colorful, sturdy cups with a looped string attached. You’d stand precariously on top, a cup under each foot, and hold the string while attempting to clomp forward. Remember those?
Getting out of debt, for me, has felt like walking on those cups. I’ve been taking one awkward, clompy step at a time.
Step one is compassion and forgiveness.
I have such a hard time with this. I mean, I know it’s good for me to be kind and compassionate with myself. I talk about this all the time. But it’s hard.
If I’m so not happy about the debt, it makes some sick kind of sense that I should be mean and judgmental with myself about it. That somehow this would help. But it doesn’t. I can learn from my choices without being hurtful to my spirit.
So, whenever I pay a bill, I take a deep breath and say, “You made a choice. You have a plan.” And I breathe some kindness toward myself. Clomp clomp.
Step two is honesty.
Mind you, I’m no financial expert. And I don’t play one on television. So my process for getting honest with myself comes from my own research and a stalwart desire to get the heck out of debt – not a degree in finance.
I started with a debt summary. That’s a fancy way of saying: “I wrote down all my loans and all my credit card balances.” Last month, I added them all up and got $30,702.
(Can you feel yourself reacting to that number?)
Maybe you’ve got more debt than that. Maybe less. But discovering the actual number was powerful for me. I was being honest with myself.
It was a clompy, awkward step. And stressful – so I gave myself some compassion.
And even though I’m wobbly, I’m finding my balance
As I’ve been alternating between compassion and honesty over the last 6 months, I’ve managed to shave off about $1500 from the total debt. And – WOO! – that feels good.
Feeling some control over the situation finally came from cultivating a few effective, soul-nourishing systems.
Granted, the total still feels to staggering to me, but like I tell my clients, “When you change any part of a system, the whole structure changes.” Even the tiniest action begins a snowball of progress that grows larger over time.
Holding the space
I’m taking other steps that I’ll reveal in other posts, but I want to stop here in case you want some room to digest this topic. We like to take small steps around here. Or try. 
My plan is to check back in next month and let you know how it’s coming along, celebrate my successes, and share the journey. Would you like to, too?
I welcome your comments on your own financial or debt situation. I also request kindly, firmly, that you not give advice to me or others unless it’s specifically requested. This makes exploring safe and learning possible for every reader.
So. Debt. Small business. Honesty and compassion. What thoughts and ideas come up for you as you read this post?
