I’m curious. How are doing?

Are you:

• a. What? December’s here?
• b. I’m still recovering from Thanksgiving last week, thankyouvurrymuch.
• c. Hanging on to my hat and praying that Christmas break gets here soon.
• d. No time to reflect on this. Too busy. I should be doing something else right now.
• e. Pretty good – not too stressed – thanks for asking.
• f. Other (fill in blank): _______________________________

I’ll start.

Personally, my Thanksgiving holiday was pretty restful (plus I got to hang out with Sharon, Theresa, and Tim.) and I’m feeling more grounded than I have in a while.

I’ve also made that age-old mistake of booking myself solid the first few days “back”. (Note to self: Um, could you please not do that?) Like today. But I’m managing. And breathing.

So, December’s tomorrow. How are you?

Away from what? Good question. I made the mistaken assumption that my sources of anxiety were outside of me. I believed if I left them behind for a few days that all would be well. I can hear you chuckling. The only thing that all my problems have in common is me.

I’m going on a picnic and I’ll bring…

Remember that game? I’ll bring an apple, banana, carrot, etc.? Well, I started with the b’s. I brought my brain.

What I realized after my first day on retreat is that although I was physically removed from my life, my head came along with me. You know that thing that offers a running narrative on your moment-to-moment actions and thoughts? That. And considering that my brain also runs all my bodily functions, I just couldn’t leave it at home.

Removing myself from my life gave me the opportunity to pay attention to and listen to what was going on in my mind. Let me tell you, there’s a reason why we delay taking time off or time alone – it’s hard to sit with those voices.

During our daily lives we do a lot of things that push down or pacify those voices. For me, it’s Twitter, email and Facebook… but it can be a lot of things. Television, web surfing, gossiping, arguing, sudoku, eating, and busywork can all help us push away our thoughts – at least temporarily.

When you get quiet or get away, there they remain, waiting for your attention.

I’m also bringing my heart.

In addition to my brain, I also brought my soft, squishy lub-dubber with me.

The distracting activities I mentioned above are also effective at preventing feelings from coming up. Especially emotions that are uncomfortable, sad, or painful. It’s a way of caring for yourself, these activities, if you don’t have room for them in your life or support to deal with them.

While I was on retreat, I felt anxious at times, sad, reverent, peaceful, irritated… just like in my normal life. Being “away” didn’t change that.

What was different, though, is that on retreat I had the spaciousness to sit with all the feelings that arose and treat them as honored guests. Or at least as tolerable visitors. I don’t always have room in my life for this. My heart wasn’t confined or busy. As the days went by, I felt lighter and lighter.

I got quiet enough to listen to to my heart’s wants and needs without skepticism and really honor them. By listening well, I discovered that this fall, my heart wants to focus on clearing out, saying “no”, pruning what isn’t life-giving, and allowing some things to pass away in my life. Considering that I often focus on growth and expansion, this was a refreshing surprise. And a relief.

Well… and you, too.

Here was the most surprising thing: when my brain had had its say and my heart felt open and expansive… well, I started feeling really rested and happy. I stopped thinking about me and started thinking about and sending loving thoughts toward my loved ones, my friends, and eventually all the people in my community including you. This came naturally and I couldn’t help it.

When I got filled up, it easily overflowed to everything and everyone else. That’s how it’s supposed to work.

The moral of the story

You may have read the first and second part to this mini-series on retreats as self-care. If you have, wow… thanks for hanging in there with me. Now that we’ve reached part three, I’ll tell you the moral of the story: you are nature.

Woah, what?

That’s right: You are nature. And nature rests. Look at any garden in the northern hemisphere right now. You’ll see they’re all settling in for a nice 3-5 month nap without guilt or excuses or even a solid timeline for recommencing.

I waited two-and-a-half years before I took a much-needed rest. I’m committing here and now to retreating for 4 days every 3 months – even though I’m not yet sure how I’ll make it happen. I’m worth it – and so are you.

What are you needing rest-wise?

Fern by Michelle Ciarlo-Hayes. Used with permission.

What feelings and sensations come up when you look deeply?

You have stuff.

Maybe you hate the way the printer works. Or the snarl of cords that lurk under your desk. Maybe it’s the massive accumulation of half-finished projects. Or papers that may have been important once, but now fill you with dread.

Sometimes it feels like your stuff has you.

Because of the negative feelings you have about some of the items in your workspace, you begin to resists the entire space. The whole enchilada. You feel cramped, uncomfortable, and it’s hard to get anything done.

Over time, you start to develop a barely-tolerable relationship with your space.

Renegotiate your relationship

If you are in a relationship with a person who nourishes you, you actively care for that relationship and give it your time and attention. You give back what he or she gives to you. You grow closer and feel loved and supported.

It’s the same way with your belongings.

If something you own feels unsupportive or draggy, it’s healthy for you to manage it so that it doesn’t affect you negatively – or you can simply let it go.

You have a right to a workspace that feels clear and inspiring.

Find gratitude for your stuff

While you may feel enslaved by stuff, in reality, you are swimming in abundance. Every object around you is like a friend, waiting to assist you, help you, or inspire you.

Even negative-feeling items around you are your devoted, if imperfect, servants.

• That printer will print out anything you ask, at any time of day, in almost unlimited amounts. Could you possibly imagine asking a flesh-and-blood human to do the same?

• That pile of books, if overwhelming, are a collection of teachers gathered together to inform and advise you.

• The desk, though it looks out of control, it’s a sacred space dedicated to your work. This space helps you create, complete important projects, and is the altar from which your greatest gifts are offered.

What overflowing abundance you have, right in your very midst!

And your stuff will nourish you in return.

What thing in your space is most distracting to you right now? Take a moment to notice it.

It is serving you? What do you feel grateful for about this item?

Where would you like this item to go – so that you feel more clear and supported while you’re working? You might want to let it go entirely. You might want to put it somewhere out of sight. It’s up to you. Whatever you feel compelled to do, take that one action.

If you do this process, one object at a time, you will feel clearer, lighter and will have practiced a profound kind of self care.

And aren’t you worth it?

This week, I learned something that shocked me.

Not once, but twice – in one week – someone told me that they really liked my newsletter and that they would schedule a one-on-one with me once they got their office cleaned up.

This wasn’t a sales conversation, mind you, they just offered this information because they really, really like Inspired Home Office.

That last part – about cleaning up before getting help – totally shocked me.

Jen gets a clue

I talked over this discovery with Inspired Spouse. As a dental hygienist, she shared that if people don’t brush before their cleaning, “they feel embarrassed and are really apologetic.”

This made perfect sense.

It feels pretty awkward to be seen with your stuff hanging out. No wonder people want to clean up before getting help.

Reassurance for embarrassment

If you feel embarrassed about how your office looks, take heart. You are in good company. Two people last week and plenty more. In fact, I’m still blushing about the “before” photo I posted last week from the before-and-after photos of my own office redesign.

If the thought of sharing a photo of your space makes you squirm, whoo! I completely understand! I want to offer you reassurance that you don’t have everything figured out. Your space doesn’t have to be perfect or clutter free.

Your inner critic might have a million things to say about the current condition of your space, but rest assured – it is really okay as-is. Gummed up and uncomfortable is remarkably normal.

Your office is like a puppy

Have you ever tried to train a puppy? They are so cute and wiggly and (ahem) kind of messy. Your workspace is kind of like a puppy – it’s creative and wiggly and it gets messy all over the place. Believe it or not, that mess is actually quite useful (I’ll get to that in a minute).

Requiring yourself to clean up your office before getting support is kind of like insisting your puppy be obedient before taking her to puppy school.

If your puppy is still in that goofy phase, she might not be perfect in class, but you get a lot out of taking it together. It’s fun to learn and grow together. And you can use what you learn later when you’re both more experienced.

Mess is useful.

If you have a messy office, starting from where you are right now can be good for the same reasons. You may not be able to implement everything immediately, but you’ll learn a lot of skills you can use again and again.

The other thing? With no puppy, it’s hard to practice teaching her to “sit” and “stay”.

Mess gives you the raw materials for an organizing system. If you throw it all away, it actually slows down the organizing process. You have to wait till it all comes back again and then organize.

You might look around you and think, “Well, if mess is useful, I have a lot of useful in here.” If you do, I invite you to notice if you’re isolating yourself because you think you have to figure it all out before you can get help figuring it out.

Nothing to do – no judgment – just notice if you expect that of yourself.

Things to try

1. Inquire. If you want more structure in your space, think about what your needs are. Do you need a buddy? Do you need a clear goal? Do you need an incentive (chocolate, anyone)? What would give you the support you need?

2. Try a little tenderness. Practice being gentle with yourself and create compassionate expectations (not brutal ones). Treat yourself like you would a cherished friend. If puppies get pats and rewards, so can you.

3. Notice if you want support. Support can look like a lot of different things. You may have someone you trust that you can include in your process. You can read this to feel encouraged and nourished. Think about if there’s support you’ve been missing.

What’s important is that you find a way to begin.

As you create organic systems in your space, you’ll get more focus in your business, more spaciousness for your creativity, more income (who couldn’t use more of that?), and more confidence to move your plans forward.

Organizing doesn’t have to be embarrassing or painful, it just has to work for you. What do you need to move forward today?

“How are you, today?”
“Oh, fine.”

Even though you don’t feel fine.

It takes a lot of energy to put on a plastic smile. I mean a lot. In fact, forcing emotions can make you feel drained of energy in the long run.

What’s really happening?

For any variety of interesting reasons, we deem true emotions unfit for public consumption. Somehow we adopted the belief that it’s not okay to be crabby. Or to feel off-balance. Or let it show.

If you keep your feelings isolated inside, you can feel very isolated.

(Bear with me and we’ll tie this into office organization in a minute. Honest.)

“Problem Identification”

In my opinion, “venting” gets a bad rap. Venting – as in: getting stuff of your chest. So instead, I started calling it “Problem Identification”. Makes it sound fancy and productive, doesn’t it?

Actually, it is productive.

If you give yourself permission to share what’s happening inside you, amazing things can happen. Just yesterday, I “Identified a Problem” that has been a source of frustration for weeks.

Okay. It was more than a “source of frustration.” I was a ball of nerves. I felt stressed, anxious, confused, ticked off, and I was taking everything (even unrelated things) 100% personally. You ever have one of those days? It sucks.

The productive part

Well. Yesterday, I got tired of stewing. I wrote a Problem Identification email to my two mastermind buddies and just let ‘er rip. What I was confused about. What I was angry about. What was frustrating me. (It’s not you, honest.)

By the time I wrote this bullet-pointed missive, I was already feeling better. I got it all off my chest. And their empathic replies started me grinning.

Lisa’s email said:

…sometimes it’s just fine to just be a big, angry, stompy-booted, annoyed person about it.

Isn’t she awesome? Then she said,

Letting yourself have that is self-care too.

Suddenly the mountain was a rightful molehill again.

How Problem Identification works

Want to get stompy-booted and unstuck, too?

1. Acknowledge that all is not right.
2. Ask someone you trust if they’re willing to listen without trying to “fix” you (important!).
3. Share the whole ugly mess of thoughts and feelings.

Problem Identification is only half the solution.

You’ve probably met people who only focus on the Identification part. They wear you down, don’t they? If you stop at Problem Identification, you just keep stewing in your own juices.

What’s needed next are Solutions.

In science, a “solution” involves mixing dense matter into less dense matter which dilutes its potency. A nerdy analogy, yes, but Problem Identification is a dense thing that you can mix into your spacious, not-dense curiosity. And the problem dissolves.

For example, once you’ve had a good vent, you can explore:

What is one small baby step I can take to move this forward?

What is one small shift that will move me from “stuck and irritated” into “clear and empowered?”

But only after you’ve had The Vent.

What the heck does this have to do with organizing?

I love it when you ask that.

Have you ever noticed that you get irritated and frustrated by your work space from time to time (or all the time?).

If you share this frustration with someone, it helps you move out of the mental snarl of negative self-talk. It helps you get clear about Exactly What Isn’t Working and how gol-blasted irritating it is.

Suddenly, there’s space in you to be curious about Solutions.  And you can move forward.

How cool is that?

You’re your own organizing expert

No one knows what you need better than you do (not even me!).

So inquire:

What’s bugging you about your office lately? Let it all out to someone you trust. Then cultivate curiosity about what you need and how you want to move forward.

Oh – and let me know how it goes!

75% of Inspired Home Office newsletter readers say their #1 problem is clutter.

If you’re feeling overwhelmed by clutter, take solace in the knowledge that you’re not alone and in very good company (people who read the newsletter are awesome).

However, solace alone isn’t enough to dissolve your overwhelm, right? And the clutter doesn’t go away on its own. You’ve probably noticed that.

The downside of “kicking yourself into gear”

The downside? It hurts! Kicking is ouchy.

Instead of feeling guilty, frustrated, and trying to kick yourself about your clutter, how about trying a gentle, non-violent process that honors all of you – and still gets results?

I offer to you a non-traditional way to work through clutter. Follow the steps below.

Where is the clutter?

Look around your space and zero in on where the clutter is and what it is. Is it a box? Some piles? A piece of furniture full of magazines? Is it everywhere? Just notice.

What does it mean to you?

Take a moment to look at one area that’s really bugging you. Chances are good that the stuff there holds some emotional significance.

When you look at the clutter, notice: what emotions come up for you? Maybe you feel overwhelm, or resentment, or apathy, or confusion. Or something else. Can you tell what you’re feeling? Give that feeling a name.

Open up to the feeling

Lots of people think that moving the clutter will make their feelings go away. Sometimes this works. Sometimes it’s more loving and respectful to feel the feeling first and take action after.

Once you have named the feeling, make some space in you to feel what comes up. Let it be okay that you feel this way. Emotions are good and they give us useful information.

What does it remind you of?

Stuff hold memories.

I worked with a client recently who had several boxes of things that belonged to a beloved family member. Although she didn’t like the cluttered boxes, she realized that she still felt grief over the loss of this special person. This is what the “clutter” reminded her of.

Another woman realized that the clutter in her office reminded her that her husband had “taken over the house” after he retired. Her feelings were about the clutter and also her loss of space and control. Big stuff.

So, I invite you to gently inquire if the stuff you have reminds you of something unresolved. It’s okay if it doesn’t. But ask. It might be helpful information.

You might have more emotions. That’s okay and totally normal. Just let yourself feel whatever comes up.

Ask yourself what you need.

This is the most important question at Inspired Home Office: What do you need? If you have clutter, if you have feelings, if they remind you of something, ask: what is it that I need?

When you ask yourself this question, trust. Trust what comes up for you. Give this process some time and really listen. You might even want to write the words down.

Asking this question will give you better ideas because, in the end, no one knows how to care for you better than you do.

Think about how you’d like to meet that need.

Once you get a tiny idea about what you need, begin to think about how you might like to create it. Take some small steps. Reach out for support.

Repeat.

Yes, repeat. This is because clutter will continue flowing into your space. Clutter is a lot like leaves in autumn. Leaves fall and scatter, so we rake them up. Spring and summer create more leaves, and then they fall again. So we rake them up.

There’s nothing unnatural about that. That’s just how nature is. It’s the same with clutter. Paper. Email. We can spend a little time paying attention to it, asking some insightful questions, and the way to rake them up appears.

Doesn’t that sound nice?

Why these steps work

Usually clutter exists for more complex reasons than we realize.

This process creates space for the whole story instead of treating clutter like The Problem. After working with me for a while, some people report that the clutter just doesn’t come back. And they feel peaceful about the stuff that does appear. So cool!

When I work with people 1-on-1, I use the very same process with them and it works magic. The discovery in this process can feel exciting. The amazing part is that people really do get excited about cleaning and decluttering. And so can you.

The non-violent process is organic and can meet your need for a clear space in a way no “handy organizing tips” ever could.

Give it a try, and let me know how it goes.