Assuming you’ve had a restful night’s sleep, you wake up in the morning with a reserve of energy. Not like electricity, but like a battery. A rechargeable one.

You probably do some things that joyfully drain your battery — doing your creative work, for example. It takes energy, but it also gives you some too. Life is also full of things that drain the spirit’s battery, emptying us slowly throughout the day. There’s traffic, noise, stressful circumstances and depleting people, too. We lose this vitality without filling back up.

Perhaps you’d prefer to spend your finite energy on your work, creating revenue, using your gifts, sharing them. You can turn this desire into a sacred practice.

You deserve a sacred space

Because we live in a “more is more” culture, so many things compete for our time and energy that it becomes difficult to sense where appropriate boundaries are. What is enough? What is too much?

Boundaries? It’s a free for all. We throw up our hands in overwhelmed resignation. From this place, it’s too much effort to discern where to begin.

You can create a sacred boundary around you

It is possible to preserve and cultivate this precious energy. Even though it seems impossible with all the act-now offers and text messages and appointments and calls to return and errands to run (and even my phone rings as I type this). It is possible. You may just need to start small. Smaller than you’re accustomed to.

Unsubscribe

Unsubscribing is a perfect place to begin to reclaim your vitality and spirit. Even as you do these actions, you may incidentally improve others’ lives too. Consider these suggestions:

Unsubscribe from emails: As you look through your inbox, notice what depletes you. Notice if there are certain emails you never read. Start unsubscribing — including to this newsletter. If you don’t have the heart to offend the sender, many email programs allow you to set up a “rule” so that certain messages get automatically trashed bypassing your inbox. Same outcome: less email, more peace.
Unsubscribe from phone calls: When you get a solicitation — even at an odd hour — pick up the phone and ask to removed from the list belonging to the company calling you. Be kind to the solicitor and remember they’re working to pay the bills too. I like to say thank you at the end and wish them a good evening with a smile. It may be the only kindness they receive today.
Unsubscribe from mail: In the US, you can write “RTS” (return to sender) if a letter was mistakenly sent to you and it will be returned. If it was intended for you, call the company that sent it and ask to be removed from their mailing list. It’s worth the time. My insurance agent sends me letters occasionally asking if I’d like additional insurance products. When I emailed him today, I learned that I can unsubscribe from all their mailings at once — so I did. No hard feelings. No more junk.
Unsubscribe from advertisements: I’ve debated canceling the Sunday paper for this reason: I look through all those ads and feel all angsty and full of want for things I don’t really need. Another kind of advertisement (and feeling) comes from catalogs. If you receive them and don’t like how you feel when you look at them, pick up the phone. You’d be surprised how helpful the sales agents are — and how accustomed they are to this request. Not only will you save the company the expense of sending future mailings, you’ll save yourself the time of processing them and leaky energy that could be put to better use.

As you can see, this process is more than just organizing time or paper. I invite you to create just enough structure — to cultivate an environment that replenishes your precious energy.

Starting with these steps will enliven you and give the gift of peace to your future self. When excess email, calls, and paper decrease, what could have room to grow?

In its place, invite in more of what you want

To deepen your sense of sacred boundaries, imagine drawing around you a circle of light or flowers or love or ocean sounds (or whatever touchstones nourish you) that provide a healing, expansive buffer for your spirit. Your creative space can be like this. In the place of distraction, you can invite focus. In place of overwhelm you can invite clarity. In place of depletion, you can experience a full heart.

Start small. Nurture your spirit. See what unfolds.

Did you ever have one of those “Okay, fiiiine. I’ll do it” moments? Someone wants something from you. You know that whatever is being asked is too much, but you say yes anyway?

Yup. Me too.

“Okay, fiiiine” is a way of permitting something into your life, into your calendar, into your mind. In the moment, it usually feels like you don’t have a choice. Your daughter didn’t work out a ride to dance class. Your spouse forgot to switch the laundry from the washer to the dryer. Your client needs to meet with you at a time of day when you’re kinda groggy and not on your game. You don’t want to, but you do it anyway.

Psst! It’s sacred.

Most people slip through this moment without realizing what’s just happened. Believe it or not, it’s sacred. “Okay, Fine” is an opportunity to honor your boundaries in relationship to time and to commitments. It’s a sacred moment when you’re given the chance to act toward your highest good.

The goal isn’t to say no to everyone, the goal is to recognize that you have a choice in that moment. To wake up to the possibility that the world doesn’t need to rest on your shoulders alone. If you can recognize this opportunity to choose, you can begin to develop your No muscle, your Work it out yourself and get back to me muscle, and your I accept this request and will gladly do it muscle. Powerful stuff!

Over time, requests for your attention, time and talent can fall into elegant categories. No, thank you becomes a viable answer. Resentment falls away. It’s as if you develop your own inner stoplight, complete with green arrows, blinking yellows, and solid red. You develop your own boundaries. People trust you more. You trust yourself more too.

Playing with “Okay, Fine” in your workspace

When you have too many Okay, Fines on your to-do list, your life can feel pretty crazy. When you have lots of Okay, Fines on your desk, it can look pretty crazy. I’m sure this isn’t news.

It can be really helpful to look at the sources. Sometimes things end up on your desk because you have a boundary you’re unconscious of or haven’t enforced. For example, there’s cat litter on your keyboard again — and you suddenly realize this bothers you. Or someone interrupts you while you’re working — and although you love them, you dislike their timing. Or you’ve gotten another one of those catalogs for the nth time — and realize you don’t want to keep shoving them around.

And remember that you have a choice.

Because you do. And it’s a sacred, precious thing.

The sneaky stuff that skips “Okay, Fine” entirely.

Lots and lots of stuff sneaks into our spaces before we even get to Okay, Fine it. It slips under the radar without our say-so.

Email, for example. Messages and invitations on Facebook. Free bonuses. Jury summons.

It’s sneaky stuff. For all intents and purposes, it looks like stuff you have to do. It piles up or comes unbidden and the assumption is that you have to do it all. Use it all. But you don’t, because you have a choice.

It might seem selfish to consider your needs first, but it’s not. In fact, by doing this, you’re modeling for others how to care for themselves and empowering them. It’s a double sacred gift: you grow more grounded and so do the people around you.

Turning off the hose

When you’re not sure how to choose or your boundaries are unconscious, it’s like a garden hose with no nozzle for regulating the flow. That sneaky stuff leaks (or sprays!) into your space without your consent.

Let’s say that you wanted to practice exercising this choice. One of the best tools in the Inspired Home Office lineup is the Wish Kit for helping you determine what you want in your workspace. This a powerful tool helps you practice using choosing and focusing on what you want (rather than what you don’t want). You begin to move forward quickly.

So start by thinking about what you want in your space – physically, energetically, emotionally, practically, and in terms of your boundaries. It could look like anything!

Once you have some clarity, you can set up some structures that honor your boundaries in your space. Here are a few ideas:

* Placing a beautiful cloth over monitor at the end of the day
* Having a door that closes
* Wearing noise-canceling headphones
* Asking for what you need (not be interrupted, bandwidth use)
* Proactively removing irritants – unsubscribing to newsletters, people who irritate you on Facebook or twitter, etc.
* Setting up email filters
* Setting up work hours and play hours
* Putting “buffer time” or transition time between activities
* Scheduling vacation time (even if you stay home)
* Culling out resources you no longer use that take up space
* Relocate the cat boxes to another room

These actions turn off the hose of frustration, resentment, and overwhelm. What boundaries would you like to establish in your own environment?

No matter where you start, know that establishing healthy boundaries, “letting your yes mean yes, and your no mean no” is a process. It takes time. Bring gentleness and curiosity to your process and you’ll see results in no time.

Bits of cat food on your chair. Your (insert relative)’s papers on your desk. Again. The noises from down the hall. Emails from a store you don’t frequent. What is that sticky stuff on the keyboard? Alone, they’re not a big deal. Combined, your workspace starts to feel scattered, overwhelming, and nothing like an oasis. It’s a place you want to escape from.

Many of my clients describe how unwelcome their space feels to them. When we talk one-on-one, I ask what boundaries have been established in their space and work flow. Often, people realize they’ve been adapting to the clutter, the intrusions, and the distraction. Most would prefer to avoid conflict about using the space. It’s just easier.

In the long run, having porous boundaries can affect how creative you are, how productive, how happy you feel, and how profitable your work is. Not only are boundaries useful, they’re vital.

40 days and 40 nights of practicing boundaries

I’ve been thinking about boundaries recently because the season of Lent is upon us. This year, I’m observing Lent as a 40-day spiritual exercise to help me become less attached to things that don’t nourish me. At the same time, I’m replacing those things with activities and choices that nourish my spirit.

So far, I’ve come to realize that the computer and internet access are a potent source of disconnection from spirit. It’s humbling. I use the computer for everything: the calendar, generating ideas, research, writing and er… lots and lots of fiddling. None of it is very spiritually nourishing and I noticed that I fall prey to the belief that the all-knowing Internet is God. It’s not. It’s a teensy speck of the Divine.

Lent requires boundaries — creative ones.

Based on past experience, I know it’s not enough to just decide not to use the computer for frittering.

A strategy helps. My strategy is to use the computer no more than 5 hours per day for only work-related work and scheduling. To give this resolution structure, I set 3 goals at the beginning of the day to accomplish and I’m using an online stopwatch (http://www.online-stopwatch.com/) to keep track of how long I’m using the computer.

Limiting access to the computer is only one part. I spent some time thinking about how and why I use the computer for frittering. Looking up obscure 80′s videos or reading about Oregon’s state bird on Wikipedia, for example. When I looked at this pattern compassionately, I realized that what I wanted and needed was a break. My brain was tired from work. I got curious about what else I might need – fresh air, a handful of almonds, a good long stretch. Research shows that taking these kinds of breaks allow us to work more productively. Considerably better than frittering.

During Lent, I’m developing my awareness for the times when I need a break. This will equal less computer time, but in a healthy, more holistic way. Granted, it’s only Day 1 of my doing this. We’ll see how I’m doing on April 21 when Lent officially ends.

Making boundaries visible

Humans are very visual creatures. In fact, our sight is our strongest sense. One of the things you can do to make your boundaries easier to honor is by making them visible.

For yourself: If you decided to use the computer less, you might give yourself a visual cue. Turning it off completely is one idea. I like putting mine to bed at the end of the day. I shut everything down and then cover it up with lovely green fabric. It’s not impossible to remove, obviously, but it’s enough of a visual cue that I don’t turn it back on.

For others: If you want family members to put papers in a specific area, give them something colorful to aim for. If you want to create a visual dividing line between your and your sweetie’s space, I’m a big fan of blue painter’s tape. It’s visible, not permanent, and inexpensive. With a little compassionate discussion, it can be a powerful tool to honor your space.

Taking it home

If you had to choose one area in your space that needed clearer boundaries, what would it be? Good candidates are any area that feels out of control or is a source of overwhelm. What would minimize or slow the flow? If you didn’t have that to contend with, what would you rather do in its place?

Boundaries continued

Later this month, I’ll be writing about how to know what your space boundaries are and ways to consciously honor them. You’ll get tools to bring some structure to the ideas you generated in the previous section. I’ll also keep you posted about my Lenten journey. Stay tuned!

Warmly,
Jennifer

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Abundance is here.

Do you have more stuff than you want — more paper, more books, more email, more commitments, more bills? If you’re trying to manifest abundance, stop! It’s already here! Most people I know have more to do in one week than a person could truly appreciate in a month or more.

This isn’t what we imagine abundance should look like. Personally, I imagined lying on a lounge chair on a warm beach, sipping something with a tiny umbrella in it. Ahhh.

But the abundance I have (and maybe you do too) is not the least bit relaxing. I never imagined that “abundance” would masquerade through my life as a cluttered stress-ball, but there it is.

Give me simplicity.

For many, the road from to simplicity is rocky. We like having things. We like being wanted. “I’m busy” makes us feel important. It can be hard to let go of the short-term payoffs, but this much intensity can create overwhelm in the long run.

Ask anyone whose desk is so full of paper and treasures that they can’t complete their taxes on time and are scrambling for an extension. Ask anyone who, literally, can’t find time to pee. It isn’t the kind of abundance they wanted, either, and it can suck the joy out of life.

The #1 sneaky lie that attracts overwhelm:

“I can fit it in.”

If you hear yourself say these words, freeze. This is your ego speaking.

The ego is a very specific kind of master: a task master. The ego doesn’t want simplicity, it craves complexity and drama. It wants you to be overextended.

If you want more simplicity in your life, you can beat the ego at its own game so you can act upon your deeper desires.

To do this, first it’s important to know how letting the ego rule your life and your calendar affects you.

Consequence 1: Antagonizing loved ones and strangers.

The more we attempt to fit in, the greater the chances the fight-or-flight response getting triggered.

Stress from over-commitment brings out the worst in people. Instead of being present, we’re testy. Instead of accepting, irritable. Instead of forgiving, we guilt-trip. Sometimes we hold those feelings in, which hurts our own hearts as well.

Consequence 2: Missed opportunities for connection

One night last week, Inspired Spouse came into my office to talk while I was finishing up “one last thing” that I “needed” to do. Truthfully, I heard only every 4th word and listened just enough to appease. Later, I realized that I’d missed a precious opportunity to meaningfullyconnect with my Most Important Person.

When we hurry, we miss opportunities to connect.

Consequence 3: Engaging in risky behaviors

While we’re over-committed and feeling rushed, we hurry to catch up. Traffic laws become negotiable. We tailgate. We cut people off in traffic. We speed. Suddenly our urgency is at the expense of others’ needs, including our own safety.

Consequence 4: Satisfaction denied

Cramming more to-dos into your day deprives you of the satisfaction of completing a job or task thoroughly. Many people don’t stop long enough to enjoy the feeling of completion, before rushing headlong into whatever is next. Life becomes an endless, depressing mound of stuff to do before we die.

Consequence 5: Craving more. Andmoreandmore.

It’s been proven that the faster a person eats, the greater the likelihood of overeating. The same could be said for internet usage, TV watching, gambling, reading, et cetera. When we rush to cram it all in, we immediately start to crave more because we never really have it in the first place. We’re not present enough.

Geneen Roth wisely said, “You can’t have enough of what you don’t really want.” She was speaking of food specifically — that no amount of Oreos can equal a relaxing soak in the tub. This applies to lots of other things, too. No amount of money can feel like love. Even 100 completed “to-dos” doesn’t feel like a talk with a good friend.

So what?

None of these observations is intended to convey that doing stuff is bad. On the contrary. Doing stuff is good, so long as it’s not done at the expense of your spirit and others who share the planet with you. I know that’s a tall order. I’m working on it myself.

Alternatives to “fitting it all in”.

Instead of cramming more into your day or onto your desk, here are a few suggestions to prevent “fitting more in”.

Know your limits

Reflect on how many hours of work will sustain you without creating burnout. Do you know how many social engagements can you handle each month and still enjoy yourself? Think about how many activities you really want to drive your kids to every week. When you have some limits established, it can be easier to maintain a healthy schedule and work load.

Build in buffer time.

Instead of scheduling your plans and tasks back-to-back, plan for things to take longer. My weekly appointment is a 20-minute drive, but traffic is always sketchy. When I started giving myself 30 minutes for the drive, I stopped driving like a speed demon and arrived calmer. Where might you need some buffer time?

Practice pausing.

Whether someone is asking for your time, or you’ve got something to add to your plate, catch yourself in the moment (when you can) and ask:

• Do I have to fit this in?
• Do I want to?
• Do I need (life or death) to do this?

You may choose the same way as before, but bringing consciousness to your choices makes you feel more empowered and less a victim of your “to-dos”.

Practice saying “no” kindly.

Most people think that if they’re asked, they should say yes. If you know that your week is at capacity, saying yes can push us over the edge. Saying “no” doesn’t have to be negative. When someone asks you to get together, focus on the intention behind the ask. Don’t assume that you are the only one who can handle it. Negotiate. (hint: I’m planning a fun event on this topic soon!)

Stop to celebrate and acknowledge your efforts.

Instead of rushing to the next thing, it can be profoundly satisfying to stop long enough to appreciate your efforts and recognize your accomplishments. Sometimes I ask others to do the same for me when I have a hard time believing it myself.

In the end

The contented life isn’t about having more, it’s having less and appreciating how abundant that really is.

May your week be less packed and your life more full.

Warmly,
Jennifer

Thoughts? Yeah, buts? Me toos?

Pets.

God love them.

The Inspired Cat thinks (perhaps rightfully) that she owns the whole place. Including my bill basket.

Cat and mouse at rest

Read on and you’ll discover that it basically *is* her house. I can’t imagine my life without her, so I know pets are here in my life to stay. However, having pets in your home office presents some small challenges.

Keeping pet issues at bay

What is currently working well for me:

A designated resting place. When I’m not in the office, Inspired Cat thinks that my Captain Picard Chair is her bed. Fortunately, it’s big enough for the both of us. In reality, she has a real pet bed on my desk that she uses a lot. It’s close enough for me to pet her, but out of the way enough that I don’t need the turf for work stuff.

Noise-canceling headphones. Sassafras is fastidious. Just ask Bridget. Her licking (Sassy’s, not Bridget’s) is sometimes incessant and it can drive me up a wall. Especially when I’m trying to concentrate on something. Agh!

Yelling at or otherwise dissuading a cat from doing anything it wants to do is pointless. Not to mention, rude. And I don’t want to lock her out of the office because I’m a big ol’ softy.

So I use noise-canceling headphones once a day for about 20 minutes to block out the noise and keep working. Then, once the lick-fest is over, Inspired Cat deigns to take her afternoon nap on my desk. It’s very sweet.

What I’m currently working on:

Cat toys. Everywhere. There’s the collection of feather toys, ribbons, the catnip pillow. If you have pets, you know what I mean. I’ve managed to move the scratching post to another room, but I haven’t found a handy way to store toys that she likes to play with during the day. It’s an organizing dilemma, I tell you.

Mom’s lap is a bed. We just can’t find a win-win for this, either. I don’t have enough lap or arms for her to lay on me/have me hold her while I’m trying to work at my computer. She looks at me adoringly and I usually give in and pick her up… but I “hate” that she can play me like that. Doesn’t she appreciate everything I do to keep food in her dish and a roof over her head? Doesn’t she know I have work to do?

It’s true what they say: Dogs have people, cats have staff.

What do YOU do to keep pet issues at bay?

Dogs? Cats? Echindas? Enlighten us. What works really well for you? What are you working on?