With a title like this, you must think that I’ve finally gone off the deep end.

I’m in my right mind. Honest.

If you’ve been reading very long, you already know that I am a self-professed messy, creative person. The ideas I share and the concepts I teach come directly from my personal journey with creating order in my business and my life.

Well, I want to share with you a secret that I discovered along this sometimes chaotic path to soulful, inspired organization.

I stepped on the scale last week – and surprised myself!

Even though my approach works for my clients every day, sometimes I still surprise myself. For example, last week I was shocked to find that, without doing much, I’d easily lost 10 pounds. Off my body.

After resisting diets and exercise for years, this was nothing short of miraculous.

And. On top of this, I realized that my life, in and outside of work, is more balanced that ever before. My desk stays clean. I’m having more fun. I’m enjoying my life more.

I’m no Goody Two Shoes.

It wasn’t always this way. Just ask my family. I was scattered, sloppy, over-committed, and prone to bouts of exhaustion and drama after overextending myself for too long.

So, like the weight loss, the balance I feel in my work and the enjoyment I feel in my life are nothing short of miraculous.

And I haven’t worked all that hard at it.

Here’s how I got from there to here (and so can you)

I started accepting myself exactly as I am right now.

(Before your roll your eyes and click away, bear with me.)

Here’s what I mean:

I took a good long look at my life and discovered that guilt and self-judgment weren’t all that effective at making the changes I wanted in my life. Yelling at myself for my clutter didn’t improve anything, it just made me feel really badly. Berating myself for forgetting a commitment didn’t get me to change. I just felt horrible instead.

Maybe you can relate to wanting something to change (your office, for example). To be different – and yet not be able to make it happen.

In my heart, I honestly wanted to have less clutter, more clarity, more free time. One day, it dawned on me that harsh self-judgment just wasn’t that effective at creating the results I wanted.

So I started experimenting with a totally different strategy: acceptance.

The golden key

In the words of educator, Carl Rogers, “People only seriously consider change when they feel accepted for exactly who they are.” Acceptance is the key. Acceptance has the power to transform.

The acceptance, in this case, was coming from within.

It was halting at first, make no mistake. But over time, I began to accept myself and my choices as neutral and things started to shift.

Here’s why acceptance is the golden key: If you’re trying to grow a business, you need business skills. More importantly, it’s you who’s running the business, so you also need self skills. Acceptance is arguably the most important.

The litmus test

If you’re not sure if you’re being judgmental or accepting, imagine saying or doing to someone else (an employee, for example) what you’re saying or doing to yourself.

Berating yourself for another missed appointment or overdue bill? Insisting that you work 10 days in a row without any free time to dream? Harshly critiquing your work as inferior or substandard?

Can you imagine doing or saying these things to another living soul? If not, this is your litmus test. You could use some acceptance.

Judgment says: “You slob. Why can’t you ever keep anything organized?”
Acceptance says: “Hmm. I can’t see the surface of my desk.” (neutral)

Judgment says: “I’m so fat and ugly. I don’t deserve clothes that feel good.”
Acceptance says: “I weigh 188 pounds.” (neutral)

Judgment says: “Taking time for myself is unimportant and selfish.”
Acceptance says: “I’m not sure what I’d do with some me-time.” (neutral)

Is there room for more acceptance in your life?

Acceptance is a decision you make again and again.

And again. The amazing thing is that when you accept yourself and free your spirit from self-judgment, your stuckest, most unappealing behaviors and traits will start to shift. Without having to work so hard.

My clean office, 10 pounds lost, and happy heart are proof.

Things to try

1. Notice your self talk and whether there is room for more kindness in it.

2. Practice saying things that are neutral, rather than judgmental. Even if it feels awkward. This will take practice.

3. Celebrate small successes. With this technique, change comes in bite-sized pieces. Practice noticing them and congratulating yourself when they happen.

Have you ever made a significant change in your workspace? Are you thinking about one?

Whether you’re dreaming about getting a new computer, setting up a website, or rearranging the location of your desk – there is change on your horizon.

Change is good – it means you’re learning and growing your business.

A little nerdy factoid for you: the Latin root of the word “change” is “to barter.” In other words, when you make a change in your workspace, there’s bound to be some negotiating – and it’s mostly an “inside job.”

Who’s bartering for your attention?

When you begin an effort to change something, there is a side of you that liked the old, familiar way of doing things. It has needs that, if addressed, will make the transition easier. And the side of you that’s excited about the future possibilities will also have needs. That’s just how it goes.

If you were to tell one of those two sides “suck it up” – it can make adjusting to the change a lot harder. Imagine how a conversation like that might go with a loved one (I’m guessing not very well). So, be gentle with yourself and your needs when you’re going through a change.

You might have noticed that once you decide to make a change in your workspace that there’s a feeling of momentum and energy behind it. You might feel excited and want to stop everything and set it up as soon as you think of it.

The trick is to use this momentum to your advantage.

Feeling stuck instead of psyched?

If you want to change something about your office or business processes – and you don’t feel momentum, make a mental note of this. If you feel draggy or apathetic, that’s really okay. It’s even normal. The steps below will help you discover what’s missing and the apathy will dissolve.

3 steps that disarm resistance

1. Think about where you want to end up.

Think about a change you want to make in your workspace that will have a positive impact on your business and how you feel in your workspace.

Write or think about what impact the change will have on your work experience. How will you benefit from making it? How will your office feel once you do? How will you feel?

2. What are the challenges you face when it comes to making this change?

You might have time constraints or financial ones. You might be resistant to learning something new. You may feel like you don’t have enough information or support to take the next step.

3. Decide what your next step will be.

Remember those needs I mentioned? Now’s a great time to give them some thought. To make the transition smoother for you, what do you need? Once you know this, you can create a plan.

If you’re the kind of person that likes to write out all the steps, go for it. But if you can’t see very far ahead, that’s okay too. Figure out what your very next step will be, and take it.

You notice the display at Office Big Box has furniture that look so organized and tidy.

You drool over the latest office feature in Martha’s magazine that looks so adorably perky.

The green-eyed monster has moved into your office and has taken over whatever semblance of  confidence you may have had.

How’d that happen?

It’s natural to look around you for solutions – especially if you’re stuck or dissatisfied with something in your life. And while searching for ideas and inspiration is great, it’s downright depressing to look at how others do it and compare theirs to yours.

“That’s so expensive, I don’t have that kind of money to spend.”
“That looks impossibly neat, I could never keep my office as clean as she does.”
“My office isn’t that big, I don’t have anywhere to put anything!”
“I’ve got so much paper and stuff, I could never get my office to look like that.”

Do these comments sound depressingly familiar?

Or, worst of all, there’s:

Thank God no one sees my office.

Comparison, unveiled.

When you compare, you see differences. And they keep you stuck. Comparison can make you feel badly about how your office looks, your self worth, and even doubt whether you’re an effective business owner. Comparison can become a downward spiral of self-doubt and self-loathing.

If you feel some of those terrible feelings about yourself or your office, you’re not alone.

The answers aren’t out there. They’re in here.

If you’re struggling to put order and beauty in your workspace, I want to let you in on a secret: the key is inside you.

You can look at a million websites for ideas and read dozens of books about organizing, but all that information will not change how your office looks or feels. I’ll bet you already know that.

If you’re looking outside of yourself for answers, you’re missing out on a valuable resource: your own wisdom.

Self-defining vs. comparison

All those people you were comparing yourself to? They all had something in common:

• Your best buddy knew what she wanted.
• The Office Big Box furniture designers knew what they wanted.
• That Martha Stewart – she knew what she wanted (doesn’t she always?).

It’s not like they all had some magic formula that you can’t access. Each of them had a vision – and then they created it in real life.

Find your vision

To banish the green-eyed monster and gain back your workspace mojo, here are 3 practical steps to take:

1. Ask yourself what you want.

What is it you need to work peacefully in your office? No matter how far from it you may feel, write it down or draw a picture of it – and describe it in as much detail as possible.

The purpose of doing this is to forge a clear idea of what your perfect office is like. When you see ideas in magazines, they become tools rather than deterrents to your progress.

2. Figure out what your parameters are.

What’s your budget, space needs, storage needs, etc. This puts your vision into real-life perspective.

3. Start taking small steps toward your vision.

Once you’re clear, the best thing to do is take action. Sitting on your hands will just make you frustrated. What’s one small thing you can accomplish toward your vision? What’s a tiny thing you can do today?

The important thing is to focus on small steps, because they add up. And they’re so much more compassionate.

“Ahhh, grasshoppah,” I replied. Organizing is like the seasons – there are messy phases and neat phases. Fruitful creative times and replenishment phases. Unrelenting productivity is unrealistic.

I started realizing that it’s really hard to get excited about organizing your office if you’re dog tired, burned out, and snarky. And I took this to heart and made the following three discoveries:

Replenishment must come first.

The belief that soul-sustaining activities are optional is a blind spot for many people – and a painful one. Take a moment and ask yourself – what have I been putting off that I deeply need?

A participant in my Inspired Organizing class had a huge epiphany last week when she realized that painting isn’t optional for her. Painting is the breath of her life – and nothing is more fulfilling than creating beauty with her canvas and paints.

And yet, she put it on hold. For long stretches of time.

Does this sound familiar? You, me – we all think that we can only do the thing that deeply nourishes us once (and only after) we get our “have-tos” done.

Soul-sustaining activity gives you the courage and energy to do what you think you cannot.

If you start with an empty watering can, what do you have to offer the garden? If you wake each morning with a dreaded to-do list, how will you find the way internal resources to complete it all? And if you force your way through day after day, how do you feel?

Doing activities that nourish you – on a regular basis – isn’t self indulgent. It’s a critical component of a healthy life. And no one can grant permission for this but you.

Putting your soul first means you can to take on your latest project renewed and recharged. It means that you can conquer things that plague you with energy and courage. Your Interactions with people you care about are warmer and more real. This self-knowledge can change your life.

Listen for what you already know.

Listening to – and trusting – what your heart needs is the best way to replenish your soul on a day to day, moment to moment basis. The answers you need are already inside you, waiting.

When my buddy Linda said she could meet me for lunch, but I’d have to wait an additional hour before we could meet up, I could feel my chest tighten with stress.

But then I asked myself what the most nourishing choice would be. I listened to my heart instead of my fear… and chose to meet her for a delightful late lunch. Not surprisingly, it was exactly what I needed. I left feeling seen, loved, and replenished.

In other words…

Organizing is a process that takes time. Caring for yourself along the way means that you will be able to sustain your resolve until it’s really working for you.

Now. What have you been waiting to do that will fill you up?

I’ve talked to a couple of people recently (including myself) who are currently dealing with SO much that they’re practically paralyzed. Dazed. It’s like they need a good long nap. Or a cold bucket of Gatorade.

Without a doubt, getting some time and space will calm your overwhelm. And deliberate self-care will bring you back to a resourceful state once again. I will always say that it’s critical you allow for time to do this.

But what happens while you’re taking space to recover?

People who know and love you are affected by your sudden disappearance. As this pattern of intense work, overwhelm, withdrawal, and recovery runs its course, people who know you notice.

They observe…

Calls and emails getting returned slowly – or not at all
Tasks and commitments getting neglected
Your office space becoming messy (and possibly other areas)
Communication stops without explanation

Is it such a bad thing to “do” this overwhelm cycle? No. Honestly, it’s not. When you’re super creative or naturally energized by something, you just go with it until you’re spent. That’s just how you work. I think that this pattern can work – so long as you know you’re doing it.

The important thing to realize is that the people around you are impacted by this cycle of yours.

The beauty of the “front load”

I’m not a domestic goddess particularly, but the front loading washing machine takes the cake. It uses less water and energy, so it’s more efficient. It’s easy to see what cycle the clothes are in. It’s a work of art and functional equipment at the same time.

The “front load” is also a communication technique that you can use for the benefit of your clients and those close to you.

Let them see into your little circular window

Let’s say you finally get that stroke-of-genius for that thing you’ve been wanting to work on forever. Or you’re having that “oh-my-GAHD - I’m going to pull all my hair out” feeling. Or you look at your calendar and think, “How on earth am I going to live through the schedule I have next week?”

Tell them.

Who’s “them”?

Anyone who will miss you while you disappear for a week or dive into that project so deeply you seem to be gone. “They” could be clients, support staff, your significant other. Whomever you think will feel the impact of your absence.

Just be honest.

That’s the beauty of the “front load.” If you’ve done this cycle your whole life, you’ve probably put a lot of energy into covering your tracks. Making it seem like you’re really there. So talking about it might not come naturally… I assure you, the people you share it with will appreciate it.

A good place to start is to communicate when you’re at the threshold of something that’s going to take a lot of time, energy and/or focus. The idea is to front-load and tell your peeps before you disappear. But if you don’t catch it that early, share with them when you notice the symptoms starting (the urge to withdraw, the urge to scream, the profound desire to be left alone, etc.).

Let them in on it and give as much notice as you can.

It can also be really helpful to explain what it might look like while you’re “gone” and when you can reasonably be expected to “return.”

Give your best guess – and then get down to doing what you need to do.

Why front load?

When you let important people see into your life and your process, they can be prepared for your absence. This also reassures them that you’re the same person they know, you’re just temporarily distracted.

It also allows you an opportunity to ask for support – something I think we all could benefit from learning to do better.

I saw an incredible example of front loading last week when ZenHabits blogger, Leo Babauta, was getting into the dense phase of writing his book.

He shared with his 50,800 readers that things were going to get pretty intense for him over the next few weeks and that he would be writing a little less on his blog. He also asked for their encouragement.

I encourage you to take a look at Leo’s post. And after that, give some thought to how you’d like to make peace with your work cycles, how you want to share them with others, and how to ask for the support you deserve.

Have you been asked yet?

If they haven’t already, you know someone’s going to ask you, “What’s your New Year’s resolution this year?”

A lot of folks roll their eyes because they know that, come mid-February, we’ve forgotten what we’d even resolved to do.

Why the skepticism? Because changing is hard work.

Does deciding make change happen?

Unfortunately, sometimes merely deciding isn’t enough.

A client of mine recently resolved to give up smoking (I’m so proud). But because nicotine is an addictive drug, she’s had to do a lot more than just decide. Can you imagine?! It’s a daily, sometimes minute-by-minute commitment to choose one thing over another.

She’s reaching out for support, has a clear goal, and a specific plan. Yup, it helps a lot when you have a plan.

A Resolution Revolution

The problem with a resolution is that it’s just short of a wish. It can be a positive, healthy idea (losing 10 pounds, stopping nagging, writing more letters, etc.) – but often lacks a coherent game plan.

I’ve been proudly following my Patriots winning season this year (say what you will about recorded calls and a historic “fumble”). They have a huge goal: another Super Bowl.

And they plan – one step at a time – to get to their destination.

You can get there.

Instead of creating a resolution your forget later – or rejecting the whole resolution idea entirely – why not set yourself up for success?

There’s a camp of folks that say that a goal should be SMART: specific, measurable, attainable, realistic, and time-specific. When a goal has all 5 of these attributes, it’s easier to understand where you have to go – and recognize when you’ve arrived.

But you still need one more thing…

The missing link

The plan of action.

Let’s say you resolve to increase your income for 2008. Your SMART goal could be something like: “After expenses, I want to make $2,500 monthly (or more) for 10 out of 12 months in 2008.” Sounds great! Yay, you!

Your plan of action will then list out the details of how this will happen. Will you cut down on some expenses? Will you complete the product you’ve been working on? Will you offer a class or promote your services in a new way?

Writing down the steps that will get you from where you are today to your destination is the best way to actualize your resolution.

Things to try

1. Write your plan down and post it somewhere visible

I love dry erase or wipe-off markets for this. Last year I bought wrapping paper on clearance and used the blank side to create a wall chart for my goals. You could use a bulletin board or clipboard if space is more limited. Making your plan interactive and visually appealing helps keep it fresh.

2. Set up a reminder system to help you stay accountable

If your enthusiasm tends to wane after time, use Outlook or other organizing software to schedule time to work on the steps as well as give you reminders to help you stay on track. You might also consider including a trusted business friend to be an “accountability buddy” – they may want the same from you!

3. Keep track of your progress

Make appointments in your calendar to check in regularly about where you are along your path. If it’s a resolution for the year, for example, checking in monthly might be good. You might like to do this more frequently when you start and less so once you’re moving.

A final thought:

The Wise and Wonderful “They” say that it takes 3-4 weeks to form a new, healthy habit. So give yourself time to dream, write up your plan, and then get moving!