Names.

I dread those grocery-store moments. We’ve already locked eyes. A greeting is imminent. And my heart starts to thud because I have no idea what the person’s name is.

Having lived in Salem for 12 years and having held numerous jobs in which I met hundreds of new people every year, forgetting names and personal details is bound to happen. I feel added pressure, however, because some of those people are past clients who’ve hired me at Inspired Home Office.

At an inauguration party last year, I ran into a wonderful woman I recognized (and good thing – as I had worked with her in her home for several months), I just couldn’t remember her name. In fact, twice that night, I introduced her to others by the wrong name – and didn’t realize it until I’d gotten home later. Oh, the embarassment.

You can see why I go to such lengths to avoid the pain of making such a personal mistake. Most of us do!

Here’s what I do remember names

• Rely on synesthetic information - I have a fun and crazy brain thing called synesthesia – in which I perceive all the letters of the alphabet to have a color. In other words, the letter “j”, to me is pink. If a person’s name starts with the letter “m”, usually the whole name is also blue. Inspired Spouse thinks this is a neato-fun party trick. Synesthesia is pretty handy for remembering names because I remember the color better than the name. Odd. But fun.
• Repetition - When I meet people, especially if it’s someone I’m likely to meet again, I ask them to repeat their name for me. I ask how they spell their name. I say it again if possible during our conversation. At gatherings, I’ll go around the room and (to myself) say each person’s name. My test is to see how many people I can say goodbye to by name.

• Writing it down - At meetings, I’ll draw a little seating chart and write the names of everyone present as they introduce themselves. Even if I already know them well – sometimes I totally blank. I ask for business cards and write details on the back to help me remember more about them. When I teach in-person classes, I use name tags or table tents so their name is visible.
• Stories - People love to talk about themselves and I’m genuinely curious. So if a person has an interesting name – and we have a little time to talk – I ask them to tell me the story of their name. Not only do I learn something often personal and tender about them, but this also gives me repetition, synesthetic info, and a story – which is a lot more to go on if I ever meet them in the grocery store.

Here’s what I’m working on

• Recovery – If I draw a total blank on a name, I will usually default to my smiling, open self, apologize, and ask for a refresher. I sometimes ask for details about how we know each other. Usually, once I have enough context, I remember lots of things about the person. I just have to be patient with myself while I’m catching up.

• Forgiveness - When I thought up this post, I thought it would be cute and fun, but I’m realizing that I have a lot of shame (and evidently high expectations of myself) that I don’t remember names easily. Being gentle with myself is probably the hardest thing of all, but I’m getting there. I’m human. We all are.

What do YOU do that helps you remember names?

Your turn! If you’d like, please share what you’re doing that helps you remember names – and also something that you’re working on/experimenting with.

Your comments on your own process are welcome. Just remember to give advice to me or others only when it’s specifically requested. This makes exploring safe and learning possible for every reader.

Online distractions.

Although the Web and email are all pretty handy tools, sometimes they’re so visually stimulating that they feel like threats. Enemies. Barriers to concentration.

If you want to focus, there are lots of ways to prevent distraction and still get the most from these tools.

Here’s what I do prevent online distraction

• Close browser tabs - Firefox and Internet Explorer (and I’m sure many other browsers) allow users to open an infinite number of tabs. I just know that if the little tab says Facebook, I will click on it whether I really want to go on Facebook or not. So I keep it (and other distracting websites) closed. In fact, I keep as few open as possible. Usually just my gmail and gcal are open.

• Prevent popups - Most of us know about pop-ups from websites. But I’m talking about the pop-ups that Skype creates every time one of my contacts gets online. And the pop-up on gmail when someone wants to instant message me. And the pop-up that appears when an email comes into your inbox.

Concentration is hard enough without pop-ups, so I’ve turned them all off. With Skype, I have to actually log off. With gmail, I have to select my status as “offline”. If you have Outlook, you can opt out of the “so-and-so has sent you a message” announcements. And good riddance!

Here’s what I’m working on

• Twitter and Tweetdeck – I’m not sure I’m actually working on this, but I’m aware that although I keep very few browser windows open, I almost always have TweetDeck (a tool that makes Twitter easier to use) open. I’m still figuring out if it’s a distraction or a tool – or both.

What do YOU do that minimizes online distractions?

Your turn! If you’d like, please share what you’re doing that helps you in your business and/or life – and also something that you’re working on/experimenting with.

Your comments on your own process are welcome. Just remember to give advice to me or others only when it’s specifically requested. This makes exploring safe and learning possible for every reader.

Before you think I’m obsessed with dry, boring organizy stuff, think about it. When you work alone, it’s easy to go unconscious about what your work flow is really like. I wanted to be at least partly aware – with a chance of productivity.

Last week, I also promised to check in today about how it went and what I discovered.

How it went

The simple act of writing down the time when I switched activities was quite illuminating! After 5 days, I’m more mindful of what I’m doing moment to moment. Sometimes writing things down even helped me stop frittering and get back on task. That wasn’t the intention, but a nice side effect.

Between doing this process and writing the God List this week, I’ve felt really productive and gotten many more things accomplished than I normally do. It’s actually been a banner week – and even my mastermind buds are impressed!

What I discovered

• The cats and turtles are ADD nightmares. They interrupt me at least 3-4x/day. In fact, I’m typing one0handed right now with a kitten in my other arm. I love them, but they’re not productivity allies.
• I go on email, facebook or twitter to get info – and get sidetracked by other grabby things. “Oh, I’ll just check to see who emailed/tweeted/messaged me.” Riiight.
• I think I might over-edit my writing. I might even be a bit perfectionistic (if you are related to me, you’re not allowed to comment on this). ; )
• There are a couple of people I check in with during my day, just to say how I’m doing and find out how they are.
• Wrapping-up after meeting with a client takes longer than I thought.
• I do personal stuff during my work day (like send messages to old friends from high school).
• In 5 days, I worked 48.75 hours.
• I sometimes spend a lot of time/energy trying to force myself to work on something that isn’t flowing, but not actually get much done. Want an example?

The following is an example of me trying to edit a webpage when I really didn’t want to:

10:50  Start working on the web page
10:56  Check calendar
10:57  Snack
11:05  Twitter, read a blog
11:12  Back to working on web page
11:30 Twitter (Argh! Don’t want to work on that page!)
11:33  Back to web page
11:39  Facebook
11:41  Back to web page
12:05 Twitter
12:06  Facebook
12:08  Back to web page

Fortunately, I did actually complete it. You can see for yourself if you like:

In addition to productivity, the analysis yielded some interesting data on my use of Twitter and Facebook.

• In 5 days, I spent 271 minutes on Facebook and Twitter (roughly 54 minutes a day).
• Some-to-most of that time was business-related or networking time.
• On average, I go on Twitter 7 times a day and Facebook 5 times.
• My time on each site is usually 1-4 minutes – with rare 20-30 minute distraction marathons.
• I don’t usually go on either site before 11am (which happens to be my most productive time of day).
• I usually check Twitter before Facebook

The moral of the story

The goal here isn’t to judge what I’ve discovered. As I mentioned in the other post, the goal is simply to be curious – and notice if there are changes I want to make.

Same for you. : ) If you’d like to discover how much time you spend of social networking or what your most productive times of the day are, give this process a whirl. Be gentle with yourself about your discoveries.

Upcoming changes

Based on what I’ve observed so far, there are 3 things I’d like to tweak and see what happens:

1. Client appointments: Schedule a half-hour after each client appointment for wrapping up notes and transitioning.
2. Work hours: Keep the work day to 9 hours, including breaks, as I get less productive as the day wears on.
3. Stuckness: If I’m feeling stuck on a project – instead of twittering – I’ll try walking away from it for a little while, jumping around, or connecting with a bizbud to talk it out.

I’ll play with these for a while and see what happens. How about you? What’s your next step?

Thoughts? Yeah, buts? Me, toos?

The problem with a diagnosis

Speaking as someone with ADD, I take issue with the very name of this normal brain variation. It implies that I’m deficient in attention and that I have a disorder.

Compared to what?

Whether you have it, or just think you do, avoid the temptation to use it as a club to beat yourself with. Let the professionals say what they will, you’re still perfect. Your brain is perfect. Don’t let the diagnosis get you down.

ADD: A party in your brain

Thing is, there’s a lot to celebrate about having ADD. It brings assets and advantages to self-employment that some people can only dream of.

Want specifics? Here are a few:

• idea-generator
• connect the dot-er
• out of the box thinker
• vivid imaginer
• active do-er

ADD brains are fast!

If regular brains are like a VW bus, ADD brains are like a Lamborghini on high octane. They’re so fast and so wickedly creative that sometimes it’s hard for the brain-owner to keep up. What was I thinking a second ago? Whatever it was, it’s been quickly replaced by a dozen MORE thoughts.

Frankly, I celebrate my brain. Because it doesn’t work like everyone else’s, sometimes I like to give others a short tutorial on what kinds of things I need. For instance:

• I don’t remember what you tell me verbally. I have to see or touch it to remember. Send me an email – or let me get a pen.
• If I don’t share a good idea immediately, it will fly out the window forever. Sometimes it sounds like interrupting, but I just need you to help me remember it.
• If I can’t see my calendar, I have no idea what I’m doing tonight, next weekend, or next summer.
• I need context. When you ask, Did you get my email? I will have no idea what you’re talking about. I will definitely ask you: Your email about what?
• Basically, if it’s not right in front of me, it’s completely out of mind.

It’s so not personal.

ADD and small business

Starting Inspired Home Office and running it helped me get comfortable asking for these things without feeling ashamed. I’m at peace with how my brain works.

I’ve also set up lots of systems that put important stuff front-and-center, so I can remember to do it, follow up on it, complete it, and connect. I used to be on ADD meds, but I hardly ever need them now. Most of the time, I seem like a “normal person” because my systems are so effective.

Deep down inside, there’s still a big old party going on in my brain. It’s awesome.

Wants some truly positive info about ADD?

I can’t recommend the book by Drs. Hallowell and Ratey strongly enough. Delivered from Distraction is the go-to book for kids and adults alike. Both of the authors have ADD. I bought 8 or 9 popular ADD books when I got diagnosed and this is the only one I still own.

Another resource, much lighter, is a website by ADD coach, Pete Quily. I don’t know Pete personally, but I love his 151 Positive Characteristics. Check it out.

The ADDness goes on, but I’ll stop here for now. Have you any shiny, random ADD suggestions to add?

Please enjoy this sample narration from my brain last week while I was attempting to work on an Important Thing:

Argh! The cat’s licking is driving me crazy!! I wonder what’s on Twitter? (opens Twitter and reads a few entries)

I need to do that THING! Argh! Quit farting around! (closes Twitter) Okay, now work. (attempts to start the THING)

I wonder why those bees are hanging around outside my window… (ponders) What’s in my email inbox? (checks) Wait – what was I doing – oh! The THING!

Argh!

Two hours later, the THING was not done.

When I was a kid, it was the same scenario except I was supposed to be cleaning my room. I’d get distracted by some fascinating thing (shell collection, old books, etc.) in the attempt and my mom would speak from another room, “I don’t hear any cleaning going on in there.”

It used to drive my mom batty. Now it drives ME batty. If I had an employer, I’d have someone to keep me on task (maybe). But, like many, I am self-employed and sometimes get hopelessly off-track and can’t get back on.

Traction or distraction?

If I had traction, I would be moving forward with the THING. But in the scenario above, I was completely distracted and unable to focus.

If you have ADD or just think you do, maybe you can relate. We all have days like this. In fact, one of my favorite authors, Ned Hallowell, theorizes that even those without ADD may have the same behaviors when trying to juggle too many things.

If you get distracted like this periodically, it’s pretty normal. But, since it’s hardly a desirable place to be in very long, you might be wondering what to do about it?

Moving toward traction

Bouts of distraction happen. That’s just how it is.

Everyone has different symptoms when they’re feeling distracted, but the outcome is usually the same: you’re busy, but your work’s not purposeful.

Since I really believe it’s your office’s job to support you, sometimes making small adjustments to your space can help you feel less distracted so you can focus better.

Notice

Small adjustments come from the little things you notice around you. Be curious for a moment about what’s distracting you. On the crazy day I described above the sun’s glare was bothering me. I noticed the cat’s repetitious grooming. I looked around me and saw multiple open project folders were vying for my attention.

All of the things you notice are great information.

Adjust accordingly

Once you realize what’s pulling you off-track, take a couple of minutes to manage your experience. Remove the attention-grabbers. Your sanity is worth it.

For myself, I closed the blinds to keep the glare out of my eyes, I moved the cat off my lap, I put a project away that was messing up my desk, and closed the other blinds because the sun moved (well, technically, the earth moved).

Anyway, managing my experience helped me concentrate enough to start the THING.

Except when that doesn’t work

I tried to start the THING and got distracted. Again.

And then I humbly realized: I can’t bend focus to my will. Concentration can only be managed. Even in the clearest, most refreshing spaces sometimes people still can’t concentrate.

When focus is an Inside Job

When adjusting your external space doesn’t work, it’s time to look inside yourself and find out what is really happening. It’s what I call an Inside Job.

If your brain is zipping along at breakneck speed – while you’re compulsively checking email, Facebook, Twitter, and photos of your dogs all at the same time – it’s a symptom.

Sometimes you need a break. Or a glass of water. Or a 2-week vacation. No matter which way you slice it, your brain needs to be allowed to run free.

A desk can drag you down

Once upon a time, people moved around. They walked places, moved their bodies for work, rode animals, collected their own food. Frankly, it wasn’t that long ago.

Today, I know a lot of people who, for work, sit at desks for a large portion of the day. Me, for one. Now, that’s not such a bad thing. If not for the internet, Inspired Home Office wouldn’t exist.

But for many people that natural, vital movement is gone.

What to do about it

That compulsive internet checking is an attempt to meet the need for movement, except that it doesn’t work very well.

If you beat yourself up because you can’t concentrate, take a fresh look at what’s happening.

Robert Fritz, another of my very favorite authors, believes that taking breaks is vital to creativity. Who hasn’t gotten a good idea in the shower? Or out walking?

If you’re not productive and feeling antsy, move. That’s right. Get on up and get away from your desk. Do something you like. You’ll be surprised what good it’ll do you – and how much better you’ll concentrate when you get back.

I’ve talked to a couple of people recently (including myself) who are currently dealing with SO much that they’re practically paralyzed. Dazed. It’s like they need a good long nap. Or a cold bucket of Gatorade.

Without a doubt, getting some time and space will calm your overwhelm. And deliberate self-care will bring you back to a resourceful state once again. I will always say that it’s critical you allow for time to do this.

But what happens while you’re taking space to recover?

People who know and love you are affected by your sudden disappearance. As this pattern of intense work, overwhelm, withdrawal, and recovery runs its course, people who know you notice.

They observe…

Calls and emails getting returned slowly – or not at all
Tasks and commitments getting neglected
Your office space becoming messy (and possibly other areas)
Communication stops without explanation

Is it such a bad thing to “do” this overwhelm cycle? No. Honestly, it’s not. When you’re super creative or naturally energized by something, you just go with it until you’re spent. That’s just how you work. I think that this pattern can work – so long as you know you’re doing it.

The important thing to realize is that the people around you are impacted by this cycle of yours.

The beauty of the “front load”

I’m not a domestic goddess particularly, but the front loading washing machine takes the cake. It uses less water and energy, so it’s more efficient. It’s easy to see what cycle the clothes are in. It’s a work of art and functional equipment at the same time.

The “front load” is also a communication technique that you can use for the benefit of your clients and those close to you.

Let them see into your little circular window

Let’s say you finally get that stroke-of-genius for that thing you’ve been wanting to work on forever. Or you’re having that “oh-my-GAHD - I’m going to pull all my hair out” feeling. Or you look at your calendar and think, “How on earth am I going to live through the schedule I have next week?”

Tell them.

Who’s “them”?

Anyone who will miss you while you disappear for a week or dive into that project so deeply you seem to be gone. “They” could be clients, support staff, your significant other. Whomever you think will feel the impact of your absence.

Just be honest.

That’s the beauty of the “front load.” If you’ve done this cycle your whole life, you’ve probably put a lot of energy into covering your tracks. Making it seem like you’re really there. So talking about it might not come naturally… I assure you, the people you share it with will appreciate it.

A good place to start is to communicate when you’re at the threshold of something that’s going to take a lot of time, energy and/or focus. The idea is to front-load and tell your peeps before you disappear. But if you don’t catch it that early, share with them when you notice the symptoms starting (the urge to withdraw, the urge to scream, the profound desire to be left alone, etc.).

Let them in on it and give as much notice as you can.

It can also be really helpful to explain what it might look like while you’re “gone” and when you can reasonably be expected to “return.”

Give your best guess – and then get down to doing what you need to do.

Why front load?

When you let important people see into your life and your process, they can be prepared for your absence. This also reassures them that you’re the same person they know, you’re just temporarily distracted.

It also allows you an opportunity to ask for support – something I think we all could benefit from learning to do better.

I saw an incredible example of front loading last week when ZenHabits blogger, Leo Babauta, was getting into the dense phase of writing his book.

He shared with his 50,800 readers that things were going to get pretty intense for him over the next few weeks and that he would be writing a little less on his blog. He also asked for their encouragement.

I encourage you to take a look at Leo’s post. And after that, give some thought to how you’d like to make peace with your work cycles, how you want to share them with others, and how to ask for the support you deserve.

I really thought I was broken.

I would forget an appointment, for example. When I discovered the error, all h-e-double-toothpicks would break loose inside my brain. I’d spew all kinds of insults and admonishments at myself.

After that internal tongue lashing, I’d resolve, once and for all, to change. To myself and others. To always show up reliably, no matter what. To be neat, once and for all.

If you want to make the gods laugh, tell them your plans.

You can guess what would happen next. Despite my best efforts, things would fall apart again, and the whole cycle would repeat. What a struggle.

Some of my clients, bless them, are facing years of chronic disorganization and they honestly believe that they are broken. They’ve tried to get organized and feel they’ve failed. Many times they’ve resolved, once and for all, to “get it together” but have not been able to implement organizing ideas consistently or with much success.

Until they start working with me, some of my clients don’t believe it’s even possible to be effective in business because their space is so out of control. How sad!

Rewriting the story

Chances are good that you want to contribute something positive to the world through your work. You believe that your gifts are valuable – and that healing and harmony come about when they are shared.

This is true.

And if you feel overwhelmed in your workspace or in your role as a business owner, consider this: these strong feelings and frustrations are not validation of your failure. They’re a call to pay closer attention. They’re your inner guidance system telling you that change is imminent.

Use discomfort to your advantage

The good news about negative feelings like embarrassment and frustration is that, eventually, they cause you to act.

That’s where the urge to “do it right once and for all” comes from. But it’s important to pause so that you can point that energy in the most effective direction.

I firmly believe that nothing is “once and for all,” there are only steps in the right direction.

For example…

My clothes live in my office closet, and it’s been a tenuous peace.

You can bet I’ve had my share of those “once and for all” conversations about the condition of the closet and the laundry hamper next to it.

Logistically, there’s no where else for the clothes to live. After many resolutions to never be messy again, I’ve deliberately begun to make small steps toward my vision of an office that supports my business completely.

My energy and attention are focused on where I want to go, not on what I’m doing “wrong.”

Action in the “right” direction

When I’d had enough of the losing battle with my clothes, I took action. I found the hamper lid – so now I’m not distracted by my laundry. I purchased hangers for my pants that are fun to use – so I’m more motivated to hang them up.

Does it work all the time? No.

But, the fundamental question is this: is it closer to my vision? Yes. Can I concentrate on my business better as a result of these adjustments? Yes. Is it more effective than chastising myself? Yes.

Will it take awareness on my part to work more effectively? Absolutely.

What’s important is that you make progress, one step at a time – in service to yourself, your business, and ultimately your clients.

Things to try

1. Take the long view

Imagine a day in your future where your office and its systems completely supported your business. What would it look like?

Create a picture in your mind that is compelling and invigorating. Go to the next step when you’ve completed this one.

2. Look at the short view (right now)

If you’ve been tolerating an intolerable space for a while, take a deep breath and look courageously around you. See at the reality of the place you work.

If your struggles have more to do with procrastination or incomplete work, stop for a moment to take stock of what is actually going on. What is really happening?

3. Draw a line between them

Hold the vision of where you want to go in your mind and beside it, the reality of where you are.

When you do this, the path to get there becomes clear. Write down what steps you want to take – and make them small, incremental steps so that you can notice and get rewarded by the changes as you go.