Perfection: Friend or foe?
Ever been here?
“It has to be perfect! What will they think of me if it isn’t?”
“It’s so far from perfect, I just can bring myself to even work on it.”
“Why bother? It/I will never be perfect.”
You may want to be reasonable and compassionate with yourself, but you still crave perfection sooo badly. The pursuit of it can depress and exhaust you.
So what’s really going on?
The root of the word “perfect” (Merriam-Webster Dictionary) comes from two words: “per” (thoroughly) and “facere” (to make). To do something thoroughly. In other words, to complete.
Completion sounds more reasonable than some of the ultra-sparkly “perfect” things we see in ads and on TV. To make something thoroughly brings it into the realm of human ability. It’s do-able.
The problem we encounter with completion, is that life doesn’t have thorough endings. We empty the recycle bin, it fills back up again. You clean off your bookshelves, and a few months later there are more books on it. You finish an article, but you use the material again in the future.
Many of my clients are eager to have a photo-ready home office, but using the space means that even when it looks perfect, this is just a temporary state. Nothing is ever done. But knowing this means that there’s a better way to find completion and perfection that is in union with this principle of flow.
Aren’t we the judge of what’s perfect?
In some ways, you are the judge of what is perfect. On twitter yesterday, I searched for “perfection” and found people saying they’d found perfection in specific categories: weather, a CD mix, a Broadway soundtrack, a margarita, and an actor. Each of these assessments is personal. We have an internal sense of what is perfect to us, based on our own standards.
Perfection also exists in the form of the Divine, independent of our judgments. There is an essence of the Divine which is Perfection Itself which no person can ever achieve. In the same way that the Divine love is perfect love, we love imperfectly. Your essence is perfect, but as your strive for divine perfection in your actions, they will always be expressed imperfectly.
All of this heady stuff is here to make a single point. I promise I’m getting there. 
What is your need?
Look within and think about something you wish could be perfect, even for just a few hours.
For many people, seeking perfection comes from a desire for approval, to be accepted, to belong. This is a deep human need, and we think perfection will help us get this need met. Some people seek perfection in fear that something bad will happen. Failure to meet high standards turns some wonderful people into controlling, stressed-out souls.
If you’re trying to create a life that’s harmonious and perfect, I invite you to reflect on what your primary motivation is to get there.
Are you making perfection a condition of happiness?
Perfection itself isn’t the problem, it’s the pursuit of perfection that troubles us. We fall into the trap of thinking, “When my desk is clean…” “When the bills are paid…” “When I get some time to myself, ahhh… then I will be happy.”
You’ve probably heard the “if-then” concept from others wiser than I. With regard to this topic, it’s worth repeating: contentment has no conditions. Besides the few basic biological ones, there are no conditions. No finish line requires you to cross it before you can be happy, satisfied, and content.
The challenge, and the opportunity, lies in accepting where you are right now on your journey toward perfection. Accepting that wherever you are, it’s just the right place to be. There’s nothing you need to do except take a moment to notice, and even appreciate, where you are on your path.
In fact, you may find that the less you push for perfection in your life, business, and workspace, the closer it becomes. If you can let go of your attachment to a specific outcome, and become open to the lessons the divine provides, your path will be less stressful and more joyful.
“I am careful not to confuse excellence with perfection. Excellence, I can reach for; perfection is God’s business”
~ Michael J. Fox
“Perfection is no more attainable for us than is infinity. One ought not to seek it anywhere: not in love, nor beauty, nor happiness, nor virtue; but one should love it, in order to be virtuous, beautiful and happy, insofar as that is possible for man.”
~ Alfred de Musset
Thoughts? Yeah, buts? Me toos?
641 days ago,
Silky Hart said:
Great post, Jenn! This was a great reminder as I tend to indulge that “perfectionism” tendency a little to often. As I’ve heard Abraham-Hicks say, ” We never get it wrong because we never get it done.” In other words, everything is always expanding and evolving and it is ALL GOOD!
.-= Silky Hart´s last blog ..Fresh Beginnings with the Full Pink Moon =-.
641 days ago,
Mrs Green @ my zero waste said:
Fabulous article. I especially loved “The challenge, and the opportunity, lies in accepting where you are right now on your journey toward perfection. Accepting that wherever you are, it’s just the right place to be. There’s nothing you need to do except take a moment to notice, and even appreciate, where you are on your path.”
There is such wisdom in that. I get there for a moment before slipping back into my inner critic mode; but at least I get there occasionally!
.-= Mrs Green @ my zero waste´s last blog ..Recycling technology – creating art =-.
641 days ago,
Wendy Cholbi said:
Your line about clients wanting a photo-perfect office reminded me of when I used to lust after a perfect kitchen. Gleaming marble countertops, shiny empty sink, everything put away perfectly.
And then I realized that a kitchen could only be that way if it were never used. So I’ve (slowly!) made peace with the fact that even when my kitchen is “clean,” there will always be things on the counter, pots on the stove, and love and good smells in the air. A kitchen that’s loved is a kitchen that’s being used.
So thanks for the reminder to let myself be content with the ingredients on the counter (because that means my family is cooking together) and the dishes in the sink (evidence that we’re eating together at home instead of grabbing unhealthy fast food). I don’t need it to be different. It’s so nice to remember that.
.-= Wendy Cholbi´s last blog ..WordPress Swimming Lessons are back! =-.
641 days ago,
Jennifer Louden said:
perfect timing!! I just finished a digital love fest about satisfaction, will send you one when we softly easily not perfectly launch on Sunday or Monday. what a wise post!
.-= Jennifer Louden´s last blog ..Strength Fire Starter with Danielle LaPorte =-.
641 days ago,
Michelle Russell said:
Jen, fantastic article. You know the name of my blog–how could this post *not* have attracted my attention?
I’ve been fight…uh, consciously working with my perfectionism for a few years now, and you summed up one of the hardest things for me to accept when you wrote, “The problem we encounter with completion, is that life doesn’t have thorough endings.”
I’ve come to realize that I crave *closure* more than almost anything else. That moment when you can sit back and experience a moment of peace because things feel stable. Taken care of. Complete.
But you’re right–it never lasts. Life’s in-box fills right up again.
I’ve come to an intellectual understanding that my in-box will never be empty, and that I’ll always be adding things to my to-do list as fast as (or faster than) I finish others.
But that’s different than coming to an *emotional* acceptance. I’m still not there yet. And, I guess, imperfectly stumbling along trying to find my way.
Thanks for a great article! As Wendy so eloquently phrased it above, “Thanks for the reminder to let myself be content with the ingredients on the counter.”
641 days ago,
Mary Elaine Kiener said:
Jen – Thanks so much. I especially like the basic premise here => Perfection isn’t itself a problem; rather it’s our pursuit of perfection that gets us into trouble.
A corollary thought => Life (and/or health) is not about having “no” problems; rather about developing the capacity to effectively handle “new” problems as they arrive.
640 days ago,
Angelique said:
As a perfectionist in recovery, this topic speaks a lot to me!
One of my favorite perfectionism anecdotes is that both Amish quilters and Turkish illuminators put conscious mistakes in their work–because both believe perfection is the province of the Divine. I think it’s a beautiful way to quell one’s anxiety over getting to perfect.
637 days ago,
Debbie Rodgers said:
It never fails that at least one thought in each of your posts will out my heart in my throat.
“…even when it looks perfect, this is just a temporary state” and “Perfection itself isn’t the problem, it’s the pursuit of perfection that troubles us…”
Perfection, like happiness, is an elusive and temporal state. One never quite reaches either until one is satisfied INSIDE oneself.
As ever, thanks for the promptings!