How do YOU remember names?
The “What do YOU do?” series gives you a glimpse into my life as a messy, creative person and invites you to share your organizing insights and ideas.
Names.
I dread those grocery-store moments. We’ve already locked eyes. A greeting is imminent. And my heart starts to thud because I have no idea what the person’s name is.
Having lived in Salem for 12 years and having held numerous jobs in which I met hundreds of new people every year, forgetting names and personal details is bound to happen. I feel added pressure, however, because some of those people are past clients who’ve hired me at Inspired Home Office.
At an inauguration party last year, I ran into a wonderful woman I recognized (and good thing – as I had worked with her in her home for several months), I just couldn’t remember her name. In fact, twice that night, I introduced her to others by the wrong name – and didn’t realize it until I’d gotten home later. Oh, the embarassment.
You can see why I go to such lengths to avoid the pain of making such a personal mistake. Most of us do!
Here’s what I do remember names
- Rely on synesthetic information - I have a fun and crazy brain thing called synesthesia – in which I perceive all the letters of the alphabet to have a color. In other words, the letter “j”, to me is pink. If a person’s name starts with the letter “m”, usually the whole name is also blue. Inspired Spouse thinks this is a neato-fun party trick. Synesthesia is pretty handy for remembering names because I remember the color better than the name. Odd. But fun.
- Repetition - When I meet people, especially if it’s someone I’m likely to meet again, I ask them to repeat their name for me. I ask how they spell their name. I say it again if possible during our conversation. At gatherings, I’ll go around the room and (to myself) say each person’s name. My test is to see how many people I can say goodbye to by name.
- Writing it down - At meetings, I’ll draw a little seating chart and write the names of everyone present as they introduce themselves. Even if I already know them well – sometimes I totally blank. I ask for business cards and write details on the back to help me remember more about them. When I teach in-person classes, I use name tags or table tents so their name is visible.
- Stories - People love to talk about themselves and I’m genuinely curious. So if a person has an interesting name – and we have a little time to talk – I ask them to tell me the story of their name. Not only do I learn something often personal and tender about them, but this also gives me repetition, synesthetic info, and a story – which is a lot more to go on if I ever meet them in the grocery store.
Here’s what I’m working on
- Recovery – If I draw a total blank on a name, I will usually default to my smiling, open self, apologize, and ask for a refresher. I sometimes ask for details about how we know each other. Usually, once I have enough context, I remember lots of things about the person. I just have to be patient with myself while I’m catching up.
- Forgiveness - When I thought up this post, I thought it would be cute and fun, but I’m realizing that I have a lot of shame (and evidently high expectations of myself) that I don’t remember names easily. Being gentle with myself is probably the hardest thing of all, but I’m getting there. I’m human. We all are.
What do YOU do that helps you remember names?
Your turn! If you’d like, please share what you’re doing that helps you remember names – and also something that you’re working on/experimenting with.
Your comments on your own process are welcome. Just remember to give advice to me or others only when it’s specifically requested. This makes exploring safe and learning possible for every reader.
Organized under Sanely self-employed. Labeled as ADD, compassion, forgetting, forgiveness, remembering names, small business, synesthesia.
157 days ago,
Christine Myers said:
Oh, I very much relate to this problem. I am terrible with names. I’ll have to try the synesthesia; I never realized there was a name for it but I’ve always visualized each month and day of the week having a different color. Glad to have a name for it!
157 days ago,
Gina said:
I will have to find a way to do this. It’s funny, some names stick forever, others won’t last past 30 seconds after they tell me.
And I am ashamed to say, that while I made sure to remember the names of my 8 class participants ahead of time, once they arrived, I forgot who they belonged to! And I just didn’t have the time to converse with them individually to get to know them.
Gah.
Gina´s last blog ..everything and nothing
157 days ago,
Lori Paximadis said:
I, too, am just awful remembering people’s names. The only thing that seems to work for me is focusing on one person at a time and silently repeating the name to myself every couple of minutes. (I don’t do use their name in talking to them often, because it reminds me of an irritating person I used to know who did that so often I wanted to poke him.) Mnemonics and other “tricks” never work well for me. I’ve learned to be more comfortable with admitting to people that names are just one of those things I’m terrible at, reassuring them it’s not personal, and asking them to tell me again.
Lori Paximadis´s last blog ..tidbits: avalanche edition
157 days ago,
Mark W. "Extra Crispy" Schumann said:
I have it worse than that. Much worse.
What’s worse than not knowing someone’s name? Not knowing you are supposed to know them. There are a few people I meet for the “first” time again and again. Talk about embarrassing.
I finally figured out how to deal with it. You know when you meet someone new, you sort of register all kinds of things about them? Hair color, facial features, stuff like that, right? I have trained myself to also ask: “Is this guy Tom Eston?”
It’s the weirdest darn thing, but it works. I’ve stopped insulting Tom (and a few other people) on a continuing basis and life is so much better.
156 days ago,
Colin said:
I remember one party where I had everyone’s name fixed apart from two people, who I drunkenly insisted on calling Dave-Or-Nick.
If I’m in a room with people I’ve just met, I mentally go around it and see how many names I can remember. If there’s someone I’m not sure of, I discreetly (or overtly) ask someone.
I think most people struggle to remember names and respect it when you make an effort to remember.
155 days ago,
Tami said:
Funny I’m reading this now. I just met two new people today, so here’s what I did. Usually, this works well for me.
After I got in the car from my conversation with them, I pulled out a notebook I carry with me & wrote down as many details as I could remember from our conversation: names, what we talked about, where we were, etc.
Since my brain is mostly visual, writing it down helps me see their names, rather than just hear them. If I get a business card, I attach that to the page in my notebook along with my details.
I also try to use photos in my address book (computer) as much as possible.
When all else fails, I admit “I know your face, but your name escapes me!” =)
143 days ago,
Lynda said:
Be gentle with ourselves: what a concept! And thanks for that reminder.
Remembering names during introductions is my own nightmare. I was once introducing someone to the five or six people standing with me, and doing brilliantly until I came to my own brother—whose name I couldn’t recall. Luckily, he appreciates the absurd.
143 days ago,
Regina said:
I was a rock star at remembering names in college. Now, not so much. I am very sly about it though. Here’s what I do:
Best case scenario: Hopefully I’m with someone else when I see someone who’s name I should know. Instantly I ask my friend to find out their name for me! So much better for a person they don’t know to jump right in and ask their name.
Middle case: If there’s no time for that, I greet the person who’s name I’ve forgotten enthusiastically and introduce them to the friend who’s name I DO know and conveniently just don’t say the other person’s name. So then they just introduce themselves!
Worst case: It’s just the two of us. If they haven’t already said, “Hey Regina!” then I say something like, “hey! fun to see you! i’m not sure if you remember, but my name is Regina” and then hopefully they’ll say, “ya, mine is Susan”.
Worst of worst case: They know my name, I don’t know theirs. We’re alone in a dark alley. Time to just be humble and gentle with myself and admit I’ve spaced out their name immediately. I don’t care when people forget my name. Really, is anyone super offended when people don’t know YOUR name? Let’s just trust that other people are just as gracious and overwhelmed with info as we are.
Fun topic, Jen! Amazing how many things we feel so guilty and bad about that seriously do not matter. My husband just announces right from the get go that he doesn’t remember names and never feels bad at ALL!!
Regina´s last blog ..Valentine’s Day “Loved One” Mini Portrait Special
143 days ago,
Gina said:
Jumping again, because Regina’s last point made me think about being on the other end, and how I feel when someone forgets my name… which is usually understanding.
However, when someone does remember, especially after a long time, or with one remarkable couple I know, after just one meeting with my entire family of 6 (they ran a school, and remembered EVERYONE’S names)… then I felt really special.
And maybe that’s what we’re really trying to do.. make someone else feel special… and feel a little disappointed when we can’t always do that.
Gina´s last blog ..Carnival of Healing #223 – Grace in Gravity