Getting out of debt: A story of hope – part 1
How I got into debt in the first place
I’ve just typed this title and now I’m staring at it. Thinking hard.
How did I get here, anyway?
In all likelihood, I got here by spending a little here and a little there. A few extravagant dinners a year didn’t seem like much. A vacation there – well, I deserved a break. I quit my job and started a business. Twice. My car needed repair. I bought groceries, heating oil and gasoline.
I didn’t wake up one day and say, “You know, I feel like spending 30,702 bucks! Charge!”
Debt arrived in dribs and drabs.
In truth, I feel a lot of shame about this debt. When I feel ashamed, I want to make excuses to explain my behavior. But explaining also leaves me feeling like a victim of my own choices. Which is crazy because I made them. I signed the receipts. I just didn’t realize how many.
So out of this mental pickle came a realization: I’ve spent unconsciously.
Two things I’m doing about debt
Back in elementary school gym class, we had these colorful, sturdy cups with a looped string attached. You’d stand precariously on top, a cup under each foot, and hold the string while attempting to clomp forward. Remember those?
Getting out of debt, for me, has felt like walking on those cups. I’ve been taking one awkward, clompy step at a time.
Step one is compassion and forgiveness.
I have such a hard time with this. I mean, I know it’s good for me to be kind and compassionate with myself. I talk about this all the time. But it’s hard.
If I’m so not happy about the debt, it makes some sick kind of sense that I should be mean and judgmental with myself about it. That somehow this would help. But it doesn’t. I can learn from my choices without being hurtful to my spirit.
So, whenever I pay a bill, I take a deep breath and say, “You made a choice. You have a plan.” And I breathe some kindness toward myself. Clomp clomp.
Step two is honesty.
Mind you, I’m no financial expert. And I don’t play one on television. So my process for getting honest with myself comes from my own research and a stalwart desire to get the heck out of debt – not a degree in finance.
I started with a debt summary. That’s a fancy way of saying: “I wrote down all my loans and all my credit card balances.” Last month, I added them all up and got $30,702.
(Can you feel yourself reacting to that number?)
Maybe you’ve got more debt than that. Maybe less. But discovering the actual number was powerful for me. I was being honest with myself.
It was a clompy, awkward step. And stressful – so I gave myself some compassion.
And even though I’m wobbly, I’m finding my balance
As I’ve been alternating between compassion and honesty over the last 6 months, I’ve managed to shave off about $1500 from the total debt. And – WOO! – that feels good.
Feeling some control over the situation finally came from cultivating a few effective, soul-nourishing systems.
Granted, the total still feels to staggering to me, but like I tell my clients, “When you change any part of a system, the whole structure changes.” Even the tiniest action begins a snowball of progress that grows larger over time.
Holding the space
I’m taking other steps that I’ll reveal in other posts, but I want to stop here in case you want some room to digest this topic. We like to take small steps around here. Or try. 
My plan is to check back in next month and let you know how it’s coming along, celebrate my successes, and share the journey. Would you like to, too?
I welcome your comments on your own financial or debt situation. I also request kindly, firmly, that you not give advice to me or others unless it’s specifically requested. This makes exploring safe and learning possible for every reader.
So. Debt. Small business. Honesty and compassion. What thoughts and ideas come up for you as you read this post?
Organized under Sanely self-employed. Labeled as credit card, debt, getting out of debt, money, self-employment, self-talk.
198 days ago,
Marissa said:
Yay for taking steps–big and small alike. Yay for cutting $1500 off The Number. Yay for bringing a heaping helping of compassion to a topic that too often gets dealt with in really harsh terms (“attack your debt” “drowning in debt” “buried by debt”). And yay for being an inspiration to the rest of us who are dealing with debt issues, just by being open about it here. You, as usual, completely rock.
198 days ago,
Alexia said:
Thanks for the honesty. My hubs & I recently came to realize exactly how much debt we’re in and it’s a bit like yours – only we added in our student loans and it’s about 20k higher. Ugh.
I’ve beaten myself up about it long enough and it’s time to forgive & make a plan to move on & get rid of it. I’m with you all the way
Alexia´s last blog ..Reflections on Twitter Rocket
198 days ago,
Sarah Marie Lacy said:
Wow, could I ever relate to this. I seem to have run up debt in the same way – unconscious spending.
I’ve just noticed something because of this – when I remain conscious of my spending, I still use debt to fund some biz expenses but it resolves itself painlessly. When I become unconscious of it, the debt accumulates again and I’m suddenly not sure what to do.
This is a reminder to myself to pay attention, and keep paying attention.
Consider me a companion in the journey out of debt. It’s nice to have friends on icky journeys.
198 days ago,
Wormy said:
I love that you’ve addressed this in such a gentle way and such an honest way.
Just – thank you.
198 days ago,
Lisa Hunter said:
Gosh Jen, you are such a beautiful writer. And thank you for stepping right over the invisible line that is so strong among us humans – the Don’t-Talk-About-Money line. I see how our country’s in debt and acts as if it isn’t. I know that it’s everywhere on an individual level, including my own scary past. It’s an energy and a pattern. And you, as one individual, just broke that pattern. My heart bows in gratitude to you.
198 days ago,
jennifer said:
@Marissa – Thank you for your yays, dear one. You rock, too.
@Alexia – Yah. I’m with you. And I’m so incredibly impressed/thrilled that you and your hubs are talking about it and developing a plan. It’s so empowering – even if it feels scary.
@Sarah – Yes! I’m happy to slog through the icky journey with you – it’s so much better than slogging through alone. Together, we help each other regain consciousness around the topics that make us comatose. But gently, not in the mean beating-self-up way. More like, “C’mon, let’s link arms and get through this muck!”
@Wormy – (hug) You’re welcome.
@Lisa – I’m bowing right back atcha. Nice to see you here!
198 days ago,
Christine Martell said:
Jen,
Just wanted to let you know I too have had some difficult dances with debt, but I got out from under it doing exactly what you are doing. It is possible! Yea for you for walking with it, and talking about it. Both are very important.
Christine Martell´s last blog ..How are you really spending your time?
198 days ago,
Darcy said:
I want to echo what Lisa said, just appreciating this post so much for the honesty and openness. I think our world would be a much healthier place if people could talk about money, but until we get there, it takes a brave soul to just go ahead and do that. Thank you for setting that example.
198 days ago,
Christine said:
Oh, that wacky universe! I’ve had a couple of intense meditations about my own debt in the last 24 hours and have started the process of self-forgiveness about it, so seeing this post assures me that I’m on the right track! I look forward to more of your insights.
198 days ago,
Sherron said:
Hi! I’m new here, but wanted to chime in because, wow! just yesterday, I was thinking about how I need to regroup, pay off my debt for the FOURTH time. And beating myself up about it. Of course.
Thanks for this post – I needed to read it! Consider me a companion along the way. 
As I was reading your post, I thought, “Oh, she changed the dance!” Have you ever read the book, The Dance of Anger? Fabulous book. Talks about how we keep perpetuating bad relationships because we keep dancing the same old dance. When we change the dance, we encounter resistance from the other person, but over time, if we stay the course, they will change their dance to match ours. What occurred to me is that even though I’ve paid off my debt several times, I’ve never changed the dance that I dance with money, so I get getting back into a bad relationship with it…which may not make a bit of sense to anyone but me…
Glad to meet you (or, all y’all, as we like to say in Texas) and looking forward to getting to know you!
198 days ago,
Lisa Sonora Beam said:
Jen, Wow!
You are SO brave and courageous.
What a wonderful subject to bring to the light of day. I was just thinking of starting a similar discussion on my blog (still thinking about it — actually just wrote so far about how chicken I am!)
I can relate to all you wrote, and girl, and am in the same boat.
Loved what you wrote about changing even just one aspect in the system — I have found that so true! A wonderful reminder!
I look forward to participating in this conversation.
You go, girl!
197 days ago,
jennifer said:
Wow, thanks so much for the encouraging and affirming comments. I didn’t anticipate how many people would be in the same boat (or have been) and what a sparky topic this would be. I look forward to writing more.
I’m holding the intention that we can all heal our relationship with money – and enjoy the abundant lives we already have.
@Christine, Sharron and Lisa – I love the serendipity of you all arriving here on this particular post when this topic is already “up” for you. Just. Wow. I’m so glad you’re here.
196 days ago,
Maribeth Doerr said:
Ah brave beautiful Jen – this topic speaks to so many of us and kudos to you for bringing it up. I have found self-forgiveness to be difficult but it’s coming. It’s helping me to acknowledge it with an attitude of gratitude, even if it’s just for the lesson learned. We have a lot of medical debt which has wrung up other debt because we’re short from paying medical bills and it snowballed from there. I spent way too much time being angry at insurance companies and all that crap. Now I focus on being grateful that we’re all healthy and when those negative emotions come up over the debt, I acknowledge them, give them the space they need and let go rather than letting them consume me. It’s hard, it takes a lot of practice but it’s starting to work in my heart. Yay!
Way to go on paying off $1500 of that. That’s HUGE! You’ve given me a lot of hope and inspiration. WAHOO!
195 days ago,
sharon Roemmel said:
Dear Jen,
I know this is a touchy & tender subject for you. I applaud your honesty in such a big arena.
And good for you for chunking down that debt.
love,
Sharon
190 days ago,
jennifer said:
@Maribeth – Big. Big stuff. Acceptance, overcoming hatred of insurance companies, finding compassion… I’m so glad for you that you’re finding ways to move through the emotions that come up around debt instead of staying stuck in them. I’m glad I could offer a little glimmer of hope, too, and feel the same about what you’ve shared!
@Sharon – (grinning) You rock, dear friend. Consider yourself hugged.
190 days ago,
Trish Bruxvoort Colligan said:
Dear Gutsy,
Tenderhearted,
Paying-Attention Jen,
Thank you.
Thank you.
And thank you.
With a deep bow to your process,
and all it unfolds in you,
which, in its own sprightly timing, makes the world a better place for us all.
Yay!
190 days ago,
jennifer said:
(grinning) Wow. Thanks, Trish. I feel all warm and happy inside. And I’m so glad you’re here.