Everyday Organizing Genius

Creative people can be organized! In this feature, learn about the simple genius organizing ideas that everyday entrepreneurs use… And get a sneak peek at what their home office looks like!

Lea Shulman, Interior Designer

1.What about your career do you find most fulfilling?

I have to say the most fulfilling thing I find about being a designer is that each project is never the same.  It’s like having a blank piece of paper and a box of crayons when I get started with a new client.  I get to do what I love for a living.  That in itself is very fulfilling!

2.What was it like going from a design firm to a home office?  What were your concerns about running your own business from home?

Honestly the transition has been a little difficult, but now that I am in a groove (nearly) I really love it. My previous employers gave me a lot of freedom and flexibility, so it is nice to have even more of that. But working in a house that I share with two small kids and a husband is very distracting sometimes.  It’s hard to keep away from the dishes in the sink and the mountain of laundry piling up!

For me, the major concern is about time-management and work/family balance.  I was already in a life-transition when I left my previous employer.  My family was growing.  It wasn’t until recently that I accepted there isn’t enough time in my life for everything.  So I only take on the projects I can handle, and every morning I look at my list of things to do and choose what is realistically going to get done.

3.Talk about your workspace set up.  What changes did you make in order to make it feel professional to you?

The first thing I did was measure and lay out my space!  Then I designed a storage unit that I was lucky enough to have my father build.   I ordered a HUGE desk from Target that is stylish and can accommodate my drawing board.   Good, stylish organization makes me happy, from the pens in their fancy glass tumblers to the colored folders and all the pretty baskets and bins for samples.  I find it much easier to use binders instead of filing folders so I have a lot of important information right there on the bookshelf when I need it.  No digging in the file cabinet for my tax information or purchase orders and notes!  I must have a clear space to work so I can be creative.  I never got around to painting or doing the window treatments that I wanted (designers are famous for never finishing their own spaces!) but it’s a great little space where I can be productive.

4. Did you have to establish any emotional/energetic boundaries with your family?  What were they?

I share my office with two things:  My husband and the laundry sorter!  My husband needs a quiet, clear area where he can make calls to clients when he is home, or have a place to work on days when he is not in the city.  I’m lucky – he understands that our office is really my headquarters.  I was very firm in setting the family parameters:  There will be no toys or other various household items stored in our home office!   I need spur-of-the-moment access to a working , grown-up and private space if I need to take a quick call, or the baby surprises me with a nap and I can unexpectedly get something done for Lea Shulman Interiors.   I’m even getting used to ignoring the lurking laundry sorter when I’m working!
What plans are ahead for your business?

I’m very excited to be starting a new project in the next couple of weeks.  I’m designing the renovation of a Brooklyn, NY production studio. The owners have been running their business from a small bedroom in their brownstone for a few years now.  The basement of their brownstone was once a dentist’s office and I’ll be designing a funky loft-style, complete renovation for their new “home-office.” I’m thrilled to be working for another young, home-based entrepreneurial family

Lea Shulman founded her company to obtain balance between the high quality work she became accustomed to providing to her clients and the desire to raise happy children and have a great home life. Lea Shulman Interiors was founded in 2008 after working in the design industry for almost fifteen years. She holds a Bachelor of Fine Arts degree in Interior Design and has a diverse background that includes work as an in-house kitchen consultant and interior designer with a custom home builder in Greenwich, CT.

Lea has been published both individually and in collaborative projects in publications such as Kitchen & Bath Ideas, The Bridal Guide, and Better Homes and Gardens.  She has also been featured on local charity kitchen tours in Connecticut and been published in industry trade catalogs.

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Don’t push it

You may be acquainted with the camp that says: if you encounter difficulty, push through it! When things become challenging, break down the walls! If you’re procrastinating, force yourself to get it done. The Push Camp recommends force as the solution.

With apologies to The Byrds (and Ecclesiastes), there is a time for everything. A time to force and a time to release, a time to push and a time to refrain from pushing.

Guide yourself

Although it can be a viable strategy, I don’t advocate pushing in my classes. Here’s why: when you find yourself feeling stuck, something valuable has been dropped on your path. That stoppage is a gift that, when opened, contains a key to making your work easier and more enjoyable.

If you push through the difficulty, you miss an opportunity to learn about and improve one of your work strategies. For example, let’s say that you dread answering your email. Every day you put it off. One day you make up your mind to clear the backlog, but you can’t make yourself do it. Instead of forcing, you pause to ask yourself this powerful question:

What do I need?

Pausing just long enough to ask this question, and listening for an answer, takes maybe a minute. Maybe you discover that you like to start with the easy ones. Or that you like having music on. Or that you like working from the back of the list (rather than the most recent). Now that you know this about yourself, you can use this technique again and avoid the stuck feeling altogether.

Why inquiry works

Implementing the ideas you get in that pause prevents you from having to stop in the future,  from wasting your precious energy, and doesn’t require an iota of “push” to get noticeable results.

The best part? When push is actually the most helpful response, you won’t have depleted yourself and you will have the energy you need at your disposal. It’s all about balance.

Agree? Disagree? Chime in with your thoughts!

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The antidote to living a sped-up life

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Retreat.

Last month’s article about our sped-up culture generated some interesting responses (Why I can’t Drive 55) on the blog. Many people feel overwhelmed and don’t know how to get off the no-so-merry-go-ground.

In recent years, I’ve become a huge advocate of an effective antidote to stressed-out living: retreats. Putting life on hold for a specific number of days, essentially pressing ‘pause’, is incredibly effective at helping people slow down and re-establish a healthy pace.

“Oh, no. I couldn’t possibly.”

If your first response to the idea of a retreat is resistance, you probably need it more than you think.

Your spirit gets depleted whenever your work needs you — or your kids, or parents, or whomever — to the point where you can’t ever leave. If this sounds like you, my heart goes out to you.

Most of the self-employed people I know are just a step from running on fumes. They try to solve this by adding things to their lives — new things like social events, possessions, foods, et cetera. But all this newness and novelty wears off pretty quickly, leaving us with more commitments and possessions to maintain.

Retreating is about allowing yourself to be nourished by simplicity.

Reasons not to…

As enticing at it may sound, we resist retreating for lots of reasons. Commitments — the kids, the business, the logistics, and the expense — are part if it. Look a little deeper and you’ll find other reasons:

• I’m afraid of upsetting or disappointing my family and friends.
• Whatever would I do with all that time?
• What if I discover something I want to change about my life?

When it comes down to it, one of the biggest reasons we resist retreating is fear. Fear of the unknown, fear of upsetting the status quo. These are absolutely valid feelings. If you feel this way, make some space for them to come up. Sit with them and see if you want to retreat despite the presence of fears.

Feel the fear and do it anyway.

Fear isn’t always red light; sometimes it’s a yield sign. Look both ways, and proceed.

13 years ago, when I took my fist solo retreat with guidance from Jen Louden’s The Woman’s Retreat Book, I was excited and also nervous. I took the leap and discovered things about myself I had never known. I felt renewed. Alive. It was worth the risk.

View a retreat as a tune-up for your heart. You can’t change the oil and spark plugs while you’re speeding down the road. The vehicle must leave the road temporarily in order to receive this restorative maintenance. Going on retreat takes you away from everyday life so that your spirit gets the maintenance it needs.

Be prepared

If you’re ready to pack your bags, or are at least open to the idea, you’ll want to prepare yourself and those around you for your departure. Here are 10 ways you can get the most from your retreat experience.

How to retreat

1. Schedule the time

Only you know what’s right for you, but I generally prefer that taking more than you think you need. Stretch. I used to retreat annually for a whole week. Now, I go every other month for 3 days.

If that much time sounds insane to you, ask yourself: “How much time do I need to feel truly nourished?” And listen — trust what comes up for you.

Then set it aside, marking the dates in your calendar.

2. Establish your boundaries

Any time you do something to nourish yourself, creating a safe container allows you to really immerse yourself in the experience.

Before you go on retreat, consider some of the following questions:

• Do I want to go alone?
• Do I want to be reachable? By whom? Under what circumstances? How often?
• Do I want internet access? A cell phone?
• How far away do I want to go?
• What kind of environment would support me? What would distract me?
• What other boundaries do I need to feel supported and present?

3. Inform your close circle

Once you’ve established your boundaries, communicate them to the loved ones who will be affected. Ask them for their support and tell them why you are taking this step. I call this “frontloading” (full article about this), which can be very useful.

For example, Inspired Spouse and I have an agreement that when I’m on retreat, I’m likely to call once each day after dinner for about 15 minutes. However, if I’m not in the mood, I won’t. Since we made this agreement in advance, it works out fine. In fact, those evening conversations have been among the sweetest in our 5 years together.

Although it may not happen, anticipate some resistance from your loves ones — especially if you’re new to setting boundaries with them. If they are accustomed to having you as their go-to person, they may not be entirely comfortable with you being unavailable to them.

Ask if your loved ones need anything from you while you’re retreating. Be clear about your needs and negotiate an agreement that will work for all. It can be a challenging dance if this is new for you, but honoring your own boundaries while respecting others’ is worth the effort.

4. Set an intention

Once boundary details have been worked out, spend some time talking or journaling about what you’d like to get out of your retreat. I don’t suggest writing a to-do list (since you probably have plenty of to-dos in your normal life). Instead, think about what you’d like the retreat to feel like. What kind of experience do you want to have, in general?

For example, your intention might be to relax and find some peace. You might want to practice being present and giving self-compassion. Perhaps you’d like to express yourself creatively through writing, or song, or drawing. You could spend days just asking yourself, “What would nourish my spirit?” and really listening to the information you receive.

Spend time thinking about what you’d like out of the time. Doing this increases your chances of getting what you need.

5. Choose your destination

Once you’ve set your intention, find a setting that will support it. How important is solitude? Prepared meals? Walking trails? Nature? Community? Over time, I’ve discovered that I like having a room to myself (with a bathroom) and the option of solitude. Being near water is one of my favorite things, so I find places that offer this.

Because I write about retreats a lot, people often ask me, “Where do you go?”. I confess I have some favorites (none of the following are affiliate links). Among them are Breitenbush Hot Springs, Mt. Angel Abbey, St. Benedict’s Lodge, Silver Falls Conference Center and any number of vacation rentals. I’ve also always wanted to go to Menucha and Hidden Lake, too.

Just Google “retreat center” and your state or country — you’re bound to come up with some options. Maybe you have a friend with a beach or mountain getaway you could rent. Some people like to check in to a B&B or hotel.

What’s right for you? Only you can decide.

6. Travel lightly

When faced with gobs of free time, it’s common to over-plan how you’ll use it. You might feel tempted to load up a suitcase with projects, activities, even neglected work to fill your time.

Consider bringing less than you think you’ll need. A lot less. Physically carrying less with you is a conscious act of simplicity and a reminder that you already have all you need: head, heart, body and spirit. Seize the opportunity to discover what you would do if there was nothing to do.

If you can, make the traveling to your destination part of the retreat. Take your time driving through your own town like a tourist, noticing the people and smells and architecture. Enjoy the scenery. Stop at a roadside stand. On the way to one of my favorite retreat centers, I love to stop at a restaurant to order mouthwatering apple strudel. Savoring this dessert is a retreat all by itself!

7. Tolerate silence

Lots of people ask me, “What do you DO on retreat?”. You can read, meditate, journal, create, walk, pray, and do anything that helps you slow down and feel nourished. Honestly, sometimes I do nothing but stare at the sky.

One of the things I have been working on is tolerating silence. When I’m silent, I can hear the voices I often ignore — the shoulds, ought tos, and shouldn’ts. The silence I give myself allows me to question these voices instead of letting them run my life. It’s a very powerful practice to slow down enough to notice and work through these thoughts.

If you’re not a quiet type, there’s no requirement to be completely silent. The idea is to try something different. Give it some thought.

8. Make space for feelings

Taking time out puts you in touch with your feelings. At least it can. I sometimes feel moved just looking at the trees in fall, or a humming bird feeding, or a sumptuous retreat meal. In her book, An Altar in the World (excerpted here), Barbara Brown Taylor says, “…If you slow down for a day, then all kinds of alarming things can happen. You can start crying without having the slightest idea why.”

We spend so much energy putting off feelings in our daily lives that they can catch us by surprise. A wise friend once told me, “Any feeling, fully felt, dissipates.” On retreat, you have the opportunity to feel deeply without interruption, allowing old pain to dissolve and more space to open in your heart.

I used to think that feeling emotional meant I was doing my retreat wrong — that I should just feel blissed out all the time. If you find yourself feeling moved, don’t let it frighten you. Welcome the feelings. Allow yourself to be present with them and discover what they have to tell you.

9. Listen to the small, still voice

Whether you’re gone for a day or a week, a moment may arrive when you’re not sure what to do next. In our normal lives, we’re used to rushing on to the next thing. On retreat, this moment of uncertainty gives you the opportunity to ask yourself a simple and life-changing question: “What do I want right now?”

When you ask this, pause. Stop and listen for a small, clear response. Some people hear a voice, others sense a feeling in their body. You might get an image, or a sound, or nothing at all. It might take some practice, this listening. When we rush, our spirit closes down — retreats open it back up again.

Listen for what this small, still voice has to share – and then find a way to act on it. I’ve spent entire retreats focusing on this one question, asking it of myself dozens of times in one day. “What do I need right now?” Then listening deeply. Then acting on what I perceive. Not only does this practice help my office organizing techniques, it’s a first class ticket to a more fulfilling life.

What do you need right now?

10. Integrate retreat insights into your life

When you return to your life, it might be hard to remember what you discovered about yourself. Take notes – leave breadcrumbs so you can find your way back to this simpler life. On the night before you leave your retreat, take some time to reflect on (and even record) some of the insights you gained during your retreat.

What would you like to take back with you? Maybe you ate home-made meals on retreat and you’d like to continue that practice at home. Maybe you slept for a full 8 hours each night. On one retreat, I discovered a simpler way to keep track of my work projects that I jotted down and implemented as soon as I got home. If you reflect, you can almost always find a seed of truth that you want to take home with you.

Take your time settling back in, even giving yourself a few days home with no commitments to ease back in. This allows even further integration of the pace of retreats and helps you slow your real life down to a healthier pace.

Is it time?

I know this is a long article. If you made it this far, perhaps a retreat is calling to you? What would it take for you to take the leap?

This post is one of a 4-part series on retreats. To read the rest, visit the links below:

Part 1: Laughs, Tears, and Rodents with Fancy Tails
Part 2: Get More Done by Not Doing Anything
Part 3: How the Retreat Really Went
Part 4: Is Your Spirit Tank on Empty? 10 steps to your retreat

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The costs and opportunities of life in the fast lane

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Take a moment right now to take stock of everything you need to do today. What’s on your list? If you’re like most creative people, it’s long. Would it be an understatement to call it  overwhelming?

Creative people are optimists – which is why we write to-do lists that are far longer than we can humanly accomplish. We are pretty good at denying reality and trying to pack it all in anyway.

When faced with a ton of things to do, most people try to solve the “not enough time” problem by hurrying. If we hurry, we reason, we can get everything done. In hurry mode, I imagine I look like a little time-elapse robot doing everything faster: working, reading email, brushing teeth, eating, walking, driving (eek!) – even talking with loved ones.

Not only do we speed up to fit more in, we cut corners. When I’m hurried I check out during conversations, skip flossing, disregard traffic rules. I know it’s not a good thing to do, but I’m in a hurry. Right?

Busy isn’t a virtue

Being busy is habit-forming. Once you start speeding up, it’s very hard to shut it off. We zip from one thing to the next without noticing how unsatisfying it feels. Even if we want slow down, we live in a culture that applauds a schedule that’s packed solid from dawn to bedtime. We’re pressured into doing more in less time. Ask anyone how they’re doing today, and practically no one says “fine” anymore. Everyone says “busy.”

But is busy what we’re really craving?

When I ask my clients how they want to feel ideally when they’re working, they say things like: calm, peaceful, open, connected, inspired, and alive. Sounds so appealing! That’s because we’re really not striving to feel more overwhelmed and short on time. Even if we end up getting stressed out, most people seek something more sustaining.

Busy is a choice

Being busy is an addiction that’s is challenging to recover from. Adrenaline and cortisol are hormones your body releases in response to stress. When we’re under stress, they motivate us.

Is fast useful sometimes? Sure! Back in the days of the Pony Express, a horse would be ridden at full gallop to get the mail delivered in an unprecedented amount of time (10 whole days – can you imagine?). At each checkpoint, the rider would switch to a fresh horse. Most of us know too well what it’s like for the horse who’s left behind. He collapses. It takes him days to recover. Like those ponies, we can only run at top speed for so long before we run our of energy – not to mention attention and patience.

Being busy, over-committed, and sped up don’t seem like a healthy choice for anyone (including those poor horses), but we do it every day. There’s no need to judge yourself, but waking up to it – and the consequences it has on your life – is the best place to start making a change for the better. And calmer.

The price of being in a hurry

While it can be interesting and even fun to have a life that’s packed solid, being hurried for too long can take a toll on your short-term memory, your sense of well-being, and your ability to react to small frustrations reasonably. I speak from personal experience — when I feel worried and slightly ticked-off — these are signs that my life is over-full.

Here’s the thing: when you’re at capacity, there’s nowhere for extra stress to spill. It just splashes over onto everyone and everything. You talk faster. You try to work faster. When something goes wrong, it feels catastrophic, even when you know in your head that it isn’t that big a deal. Life needs some room in it when the unexpected pops up – so when we fail to create that, we run around feeling tense and leaking this bad energy to those around us.

The other impact of being busy for too long is that people are more likely to get sick. It’s almost as if getting sick is the only way to slow the body down enough to catch one’s breath. Sometimes it’s a bad headache, or an upset digestive system. Other times it’s a full-blown virus. Your immune system just can’t keep up.

The greatest loss in being speedy is that we stop enjoying even things we love to do: enjoying delicious meals with friends, a favorite hobby, watching the kids play soccer, stroking a pet, kissing our special someone, day dreaming… We’re so busy trying to rush, to fit in one more thing, that we stop being present. We do things on automatic — meanwhile worrying about how much time it’s taking.

Busy-ness makes us lose our ability to enjoy life’s simplest pleasures.

There must be another way.

Life is for living, not running around, feathers flying, hoping the sky doesn’t fall. There’s more to your life than more. Creating balance sometimes means having less and doing less so you have room for what you crave. If you’ve been putting off a vacation, or a beloved creative outlet, or quality time with loved ones, look inward.

If you revisit your list of today’s to-dos, you might notice as you glance down the list that some of the items induce stress or dread in you. There are usually the “urgent and important” things we make time for no matter what. Beyond those you may find some other items that are interesting, compelling, and enjoyable. These are the activities most people have a harder time getting to.

Things to try:

1. Take a little time to notice what impact being over-full and in a hurry has on you, your dreams, and those you love. Do you feel satisfied?

2. Ask yourself: Is there something else you’re craving? If so, what do you really need? Trust whatever answers come up for you.

3. Notice whether there’s anything you’d consider letting go of that would add to you sense of satisfaction.

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What your most neglected room can tell you

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Just about everyone has one part of the house where the unwanted curiosities go. Sometimes it’s a drawer or an unused room, sometimes it’s in the attic or basement. When I have an item I’m not sure I need anymore, it goes in the mudroom for the next trip to the garage.

Here’s a list of some of our most recent unwanted oddities:

• a large box from a computer part
• a stack of unloved books
• a huge laundry soap bucket
• several bags of sticky, empty soda cans
• our old mattress

I didn’t think about what I wanted to do with all these things when they went to the garage. I just know I don’t want them in the house — so out they went!

The outcome of deferring

Putting stuff in the garage (or other room) without thinking defers making the final decision. Deferred decisions have a very “ugh” feeling to them. No matter what room you put things in you can tell by how it feels.

Sometimes I go out in the garage and I just can’t bear to look around. It’s too overwhelming. If you can relate to this feeling, it’s normal. Your brain can only handle one thing a a time (no matter how well you multitask), and when there are innumerable things in your garage, it stops your brain in its tracks. Instant overwhelm.

Every time we defer deciding what to do with an object, we add to our feelings of overwhelm.

Wrestling with “more is more”

It’s normal to be overwhelmed, in part because of the world in which you live.

I used to live in a house built in the 1920s. I loved the Craftsman style and architecture – what I hated was the lack of storage. When we finished the basement, the first priority was adding closet space. Looking back, it makes me wonder what’s changed so much about lifestyles in 100 years that would warrant such a drastic need for storage. Many older houses just had a nail to hang a Sunday dress on! Are human beings so different today?

Humans haven’t changed in a century, but our culture’s priorities have. Most Westerners are caught up in the pursuit of the newest, the biggest, the latest trends – even though very little of it adds lasting satisfaction or peace to our lives. I think that marketing messages escalate our fears of being caught unprepared and being the odd-person-out. We collect stuff to feel safe.

The more we stuff we accumulate, the more time we spend managing it all. This effectively reduces the time we have for the relationships we crave.

Alternatives (they do exist!)

A variety of communities have sprung up around voluntary simplicity and the slow movement. Wise people are waking up to the idea that more/newer/better doesn’t fulfill our heart’s needs. These communities help people reclaim their lives and loves.

As I’ve been on my own path to slowing down and choosing simplicity, I am finding more time to self-nourish, to enjoy my partner and friends, and even reclaim a hobby or two. How 20th century!

While I don’t have anything to share in discussions about TV shows or the latest gadgets (I own neither), I would really rather hear about people’s hearts anyway. I’m slowly defining myself less by what I own, and more by who I am.

But what about the stuff in my garage?

Right. About that. Whether your stuff comes from your office, kitchen, or other room, everything makes its way to the garage in the end. And there it sits, accumulating. Waiting for you to decide its fate.

The dread of this project comes from deferring so many decisions into one place – especially if you have attachment or emotions toward any of the items that languish there.

My primary suggestion is to make peace with letting it go. You will inevitably let each thing go – either now or when you die. The question is: how long you want to live with that “ugh” energy?

If you’ve had enough, roll up your sleeves and try these 3 practical steps:

1. The journey of a thousand miles:
Start with one thing in your garage. One thing only. Pick it up and look at it. Make room for any feelings that come up for you around this item.

2. Find where it goes:
Be curious about where it goes next. Once you’ve decided, commit to letting it go even if you haven’t gotten all the possible use out of it. Even if you think you could/should make money from it. Let go.

Research appropriate homes for it, but acknowledge that it’s an alien to you now, not your possession. Once you know where it goes next (recycle, donate, disposal), take it there.

3. Rinse, repeat:
Keep doing these two steps until only the essential remain. It sounds so easy, most people ignore this advice as simplistic. It’s challenging, but very effective. Just start.

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I did it! The first of my 3 credit card statement came in the mail yesterday with a $0 balance! WOOHOO!! (happy dance)

I still have 2 cards to go, but I just had to share the success! I’ve been writing about my credit card debt for a while now and it’s thrilling to have this accomplishment under my belt.

Other things I’ve done lately to get the other 2 moving forward:

• Transferred a high APR balance to a lower APR card.
• Set a goal for how much I pay each month for all the cards and stick to it.
• Pay off more than my goal when possible.

I’ve also discovered an inspiring blog called Get Rich Slowly, which applies Slow Movement concepts to personal finance. The blog is full of common sense advice with a dose of humor and zen. If you’re struggling with debt and cash flow, I highly recommend it.

At this point, I have 2 years, 8 months left to go before I’m done with credit card debt for good. It’s slow progress, but boy does it feel good!

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Ever been here?

“It has to be perfect! What will they think of me if it isn’t?”
“It’s so far from perfect, I just can bring myself to even work on it.”
“Why bother? It/I will never be perfect.”

You may want to be reasonable and compassionate with yourself, but you still crave perfection sooo badly. The pursuit of it can depress and exhaust you.

So what’s really going on?

The root of the word “perfect” (Merriam-Webster Dictionary) comes from two words: “per” (thoroughly) and “facere” (to make). To do something thoroughly. In other words, to complete.

Completion sounds more reasonable than some of the ultra-sparkly “perfect” things we see in ads and on TV. To make something thoroughly brings it into the realm of human ability. It’s do-able.

The problem we encounter with completion, is that life doesn’t have thorough endings. We empty the recycle bin, it fills back up again. You clean off your bookshelves, and a few months later there are more books on it. You finish an article, but you use the material again in the future.

Many of my clients are eager to have a photo-ready home office, but using the space means that even when it looks perfect, this is just a temporary state. Nothing is ever done. But knowing this means that there’s a better way to find completion and perfection that is in union with this principle of flow.

Aren’t we the judge of what’s perfect?

In some ways, you are the judge of what is perfect. On twitter yesterday, I searched for “perfection” and found people saying they’d found perfection in specific categories: weather, a CD mix, a Broadway soundtrack, a margarita, and an actor. Each of these assessments is personal. We have an internal sense of what is perfect to us, based on our own standards.

Perfection also exists in the form of the Divine, independent of our judgments. There is an essence of the Divine which is Perfection Itself which no person can ever achieve. In the same way that the Divine love is perfect love, we love imperfectly. Your essence is perfect, but as your strive for divine perfection in your actions, they will always be expressed imperfectly.

All of this heady stuff is here to make a single point. I promise I’m getting there.

What is your need?

Look within and think about something you wish could be perfect, even for just a few hours.

For many people, seeking perfection comes from a desire for approval, to be accepted, to belong. This is a deep human need, and we think perfection will help us get this need met. Some people seek perfection in fear that something bad will happen. Failure to meet high standards turns some wonderful people into controlling, stressed-out souls.

If you’re trying to create a life that’s harmonious and perfect, I invite you to reflect on what your primary motivation is to get there.

Are you making perfection a condition of happiness?

Perfection itself isn’t the problem, it’s the pursuit of perfection that troubles us. We fall into the trap of thinking, “When my desk is clean…” “When the bills are paid…” “When I get some time to myself, ahhh… then I will be happy.”

You’ve probably heard the “if-then” concept from others wiser than I. With regard to this topic, it’s worth repeating: contentment has no conditions. Besides the few basic biological ones, there are no conditions. No finish line requires you to cross it before you can be happy, satisfied, and content.

The challenge, and the opportunity, lies in accepting where you are right now on your journey toward perfection. Accepting that wherever you are, it’s just the right place to be. There’s nothing you need to do except take a moment to notice, and even appreciate, where you are on your path.

In fact, you may find that the less you push for perfection in your life, business, and workspace, the closer it becomes. If you can let go of your attachment to a specific outcome, and become open to the lessons the divine provides, your path will be less stressful and more joyful.

“I am careful not to confuse excellence with perfection. Excellence, I can reach for; perfection is God’s business”
~ Michael J. Fox

“Perfection is no more attainable for us than is infinity. One ought not to seek it anywhere: not in love, nor beauty, nor happiness, nor virtue; but one should love it, in order to be virtuous, beautiful and happy, insofar as that is possible for man.”
~ Alfred de Musset

Thoughts? Yeah, buts? Me toos?

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If you happen to subscribe to my email newsletter, Juicy Gems, you got an email today from me with the subject line, “4″. No content, just the subject line.

It was an accident, and I hope it didn’t bother you. I thought about sending out a follow-up message, explaining my error, but I didn’t want to further gum up your inbox. As it was, I sent out 1,100 of the same email to everyone who subscribes.

(laughing at myself)

A bunch of people emailed me back with comments like,

“5??”

“Need a day off?”

“Working on your golf swing?”

“That’s it?? Just 4??”

“Good numerology, Jen!”

“I thought maybe we were playing Secret Agent and that was a code of some sort, and the correct response was something like, ‘The falcon soars beyond the golden wheat field at dawn.’”

In reality, “4″ just stands for the 4th message in a series that I was working on, but I accidentally hit send. Woops!

So the lesson of the 4 is that we’re all human, we all make mistakes, and it’s okay to laugh at our humanness. : )

Have you made any humorous errors lately that you’d like to share?

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As I write this, there are more unanswered emails in my “inbox” than I care to admit.

This has been a week in which my best intentions were thwarted, and I received feedback from a couple of trustworthy sources that I wasn’t “on my game.” Email was part of it, but I also gave out the wrong time for a class, failed to prepare properly for a meeting, and spent too much time working on stuff that wasn’t all that important.

Stressful? You bet.

My high standards are where the problem started. When I made my first flub of the week, the little Gremlin of Self-Judgment perched on my shoulder and whispered some not-very-nice things about me.

When I made my second flub, the whisper became a stern repartee.

It only got worse from there. I mean, seriously! I was counting my errors! By the end of the week, I was buried in self-judgment, exhausted, and feeling rather insecure about my competence as a business owner.

Thank God I’m normal.

If people I admire didn’t tell me they have weeks just like this, I would be really scared. But I know it’s normal.

If anything, making a few gaffes this week illustrates how far I’ve come as a cluttered creative person. I used to forget things daily. I was constantly late, making excuses and tearfully begging forgiveness. My teachers never knew how to grade me at the end of a semester because (although I participated enthusiastically in class) I’d never turned in any homework.

I have come a long way.

What trips me up

When I start forgetting things, I use it against myself. As evidence.

That nasty gremlin is out to prove that I’ll always be that disorganized girl. It says, “You think you’re so organized, we’ll just see, shall we?!”

And then I make another mistake. “See?? Ha! Ha! You ARE the same person you’ve always been! You’ll never be organized!” And then I make even more mistakes.

Ugh.

Ever been there? It totally sucks.

What I do (and maybe you might like to try too)

The other day, I had a nice talk with my wonderful, sensitive uncle and friend — who also happens to facilitate non-violent communication (NVC) groups. Uncle Tim caught me off guard when he used a term I’d never heard before, “self-empathy”. When he said it, little bells rang gleefully inside my heart.

Self-empathy!

I don’t know how the official NVC technique works, but yesterday when I “caught” myself making a mistake and entertaining that nasty gremlin, I took a deep breath — and this is what I said to myself:

“Jen, you are having a hard week. You’re feeling badly about not showing up the way you want to with people you really love. You’re feeling really embarrassed for missing connections and for giving incorrect information. It’s okay to feel sad and embarrassed and disappointed.

“You’re human. It’s okay to make mistakes and not to be perfect. You are doing the best you can right now. I want to remind you that your heart is in the right place. Forgive yourself for making these ‘errors’. Don’t let your past determine your future, okay? You can start fresh, right now. You are a good human being and I love you.”

I wiped away a few tears, took a deep breath… and sat for a while with a nice cup of tea. It was such a different way of talking with myself, and I could feel peace settling into my heart, where doubt and anxiety had been.

Compassion is a powerful tool for creating order

What I am slowly discovering is that the more compassionate I am with myself, the more productive I am. It sounds anti-intuitive, but judgment makes my spirit shrivel up and escalates stress. When I am compassionate with myself, I feel free. I have choices and see opportunities to adjust my actions creatively.

Of course, this is about organizing, but it’s also more than that. The truth is, no amount of order creates happiness. Only you can create happiness. So, while you’re on the path to becoming more organized and less cluttered, why not offer yourself the compassion and self-empathy you crave — and so rightly deserve?

Thoughts? Yeah, buts? Me toos?

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…and what to do about it

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Abundance is here.

Do you have more stuff than you want — more paper, more books, more email, more commitments, more bills? If you’re trying to manifest abundance, stop! It’s already here! Most people I know have more to do in one week than a person could truly appreciate in a month or more.

This isn’t what we imagine abundance should look like. Personally, I imagined lying on a lounge chair on a warm beach, sipping something with a tiny umbrella in it. Ahhh.

But the abundance I have (and maybe you do too) is not the least bit relaxing. I never imagined that “abundance” would masquerade through my life as a cluttered stress-ball, but there it is.

Give me simplicity.

For many, the road from to simplicity is rocky. We like having things. We like being wanted. “I’m busy” makes us feel important. It can be hard to let go of the short-term payoffs, but this much intensity can create overwhelm in the long run.

Ask anyone whose desk is so full of paper and treasures that they can’t complete their taxes on time and are scrambling for an extension. Ask anyone who, literally, can’t find time to pee. It isn’t the kind of abundance they wanted, either, and it can suck the joy out of life.

The #1 sneaky lie that attracts overwhelm:

“I can fit it in.”

If you hear yourself say these words, freeze. This is your ego speaking.

The ego is a very specific kind of master: a task master. The ego doesn’t want simplicity, it craves complexity and drama. It wants you to be overextended.

If you want more simplicity in your life, you can beat the ego at its own game so you can act upon your deeper desires.

To do this, first it’s important to know how letting the ego rule your life and your calendar affects you.

“Fit it in” Consequence 1: Antagonizing loved ones and strangers.

The more we attempt to fit in, the greater the chances the fight-or-flight response getting triggered.

Stress from over-commitment brings out the worst in people. Instead of being present, we’re testy. Instead of accepting, irritable. Instead of forgiving, we guilt-trip. Sometimes we hold those feelings in, which hurts our own hearts as well.

“Fit it in” Consequence 2: Missed opportunities for connection

One night last week, Inspired Spouse came into my office to talk while I was finishing up “one last thing” that I “needed” to do. Truthfully, I heard only every 4th word and listened just enough to appease. Later, I realized that I’d missed a precious opportunity to meaningfully connect with my Most Important Person.

When we hurry, we miss opportunities to connect.

“Fit it in” Consequence 3: Engaging in risky behaviors

While we’re over-committed and feeling rushed, we hurry to catch up. Traffic laws become negotiable. We speed. We tailgate. We cut people off in traffic. Suddenly our urgency is at the expense of others’ needs, including our own safety.

“Fit it in” Consequence 4: Satisfaction denied

Cramming more to-dos into your day deprives you of the satisfaction of completing a job or task thoroughly. Many people don’t stop long enough to enjoy the feeling of completion, before rushing headlong into whatever is next. Life becomes an endless, depressing mound of stuff to do before we die.

“Fit it in” Consequence 5: Craving more. And more. Andmoreandmoreandmore.

It’s been proven that the faster a person eats, the greater the likelihood of overeating. The same could be said for internet usage, TV watching, gambling, reading, et cetera. When we rush to cram it all in, we immediately start to crave more because we never really have it in the first place. We’re not present enough.

Geneen Roth wisely said, “You can’t have enough of what you don’t really want.” She was speaking of food specifically — that no amount of Oreos can equal a relaxing soak in the tub. This applies to lots of other things, too. No amount of money can feel like love. 100 completed “to-dos” doesn’t feel like a talk with a good friend.

So what?

None of these observations is intended to convey that doing stuff is bad. On the contrary. Doing stuff is good, so long as it’s not done at the expense of your spirit and others who share the planet with you. I know that’s a tall order. I’m working on it myself.

Alternatives to “fitting it all in”.

Instead of cramming more into your day or onto your desk, here are a few suggestions to prevent “fitting more in”.

Know your limits

Reflect on how many hours of work will sustain you without creating burnout. Do you know how many social engagements can you handle each month and still enjoy yourself?

Think about how many activities you really want to drive your kids to every week. When you have some limits established, it can be easier to maintain a healthy schedule and work load.

Build in buffer time.

Instead of scheduling your plans and tasks back-to-back, plan for things to take longer. My weekly appointment is a 20-minute drive, but traffic is always sketchy. When I started giving myself 30 minutes for the drive, I stopped driving like a speed demon and arrived calmer. Where might you need some buffer time?

Practice pausing.

Whether someone is asking for your time, or you’ve got something to add to your plate, catch yourself in the moment (when you can) and ask:

• Do I have to fit this in?
• Do I want to?
• Do I need to do this?

You may choose the same way as before, but bringing consciousness to your choices makes you feel more empowered and less a victim of your “to-dos”.

Practice saying “no” kindly.

Most people think that if they’re asked, they should say yes.

If you know that your week is at capacity, saying yes can push us over the edge. Saying no doesn’t have to be negative. When someone asks to get together, focus on the intention behind the ask. Don’t assume that you are the only one who can handle it. Negotiate.

Stop to celebrate and acknowledge your efforts.

Instead of rushing to the next thing, it can be profoundly satisfying to stop long enough to appreciate your efforts and recognize your accomplishments. Sometimes I ask others to do the same for me when I have a hard time believing it myself. It’s something we do all the time for Office Spa Day.

In the end

The contented life isn’t about having more, it’s having less and appreciating how abundant that really is.

May your week be less packed and your life more full.

Warmly,
Jennifer

Thoughts? Yeah, buts? Me toos?

16 comments