How thinking gets you into trouble – and gets you out of it, too.

************************************

Sometimes it’s not the clutter.

Sometimes it’s what we think that causes the most trouble.

Imagine sitting down at your computer to check your email and, when you open the inbox, the number total unopened emails is in the 4-digits.

You look at that number glowing on your screen and quietly think to yourelf,

“I’m so behind. I’m never going to catch up.”

That little comment to yourself is so quiet that you hardly even notice it. Even if you do, it’s so quick, it barely registers before you’re on to the next thing.

Looking deeper

The effect that thought has on you is immense. Deep in your brain, that thought triggers a response to a threat. Your body begins to prepare for battle or flight – skin begins to sweat, heart rate increases, adrenaline is released to give you the power to run.

Most of the time, you have no idea it’s even happening. Your brain is on auto-pilot.

The problem is that you can’t put this response to good use. You can’t punch your inbox’s lights out. And, faced with 1000 emails, you probably won’t take flight and run screaming down the hall. All the body triggers are out of alignment with the actual stimulus.

Overload

Worst of all, if you’re like a lot of stressed-out, busy people, you’re constantly thinking these kinds of thoughts:

I’m so behind.
I should have this done by now.
I promised I’d have this back to her.
My client is showing up any minute.
I’m never going to get caught up.
I’ll never break through.
I forgot that AGAIN!?
I should be doing way more than I am.

Say these kinds of things to yourself enough times and you’ll feel like you’re always running and always fighting for some peace.

Case in point

If you’ve ever had the illusion that Jen Hofmann has it all figured out, think again. A couple of months ago I started having heart fluttering and chest pain – accompanied by pretty awful digestive problems. I had no idea what was going on and I was really scared.

Interestingly, right before the symptoms started, I had been thinking about how January was (in my mind) “a wash” and I kept telling myself, “I wasted a whole month. I should have been doing more to grow my business.”

I was talking myself into a mental frenzy – for what? January was fine.

When the symptoms started, I failed to see what a compassionate physician did: I was stressed to the point of anxiety. All because of my thoughts.

Stress isn’t a baseline state

When it comes to surviving en encounter with an angry mastodon, stress is a lifesaver. But when your opponent is your inbox or your kitchen counter or the vacuum cleaner, that level of stress is out of alignment. We all do it, but it really does us harm. Ask any cardiac expert.

Thoughts are an inside job

Lots of people jump to the conclusion that if the inbox is causing you stress, the solution is to clean it out. I say, woah there. Not so fast.

Instead, I invite you on a journey of far greater subtlety:

1. Practice noticing your thoughts.

Like a lot of people, if you can’t see something, it doesn’t exist. Inspired Spouse suggested yesterday that I start keeping a list of the thoughts that come up for me. What a fabulous idea. I’m keeping a running list for the next week, just to see what’s there.

Neutrally observing your beliefs is freeing in a way that a desperately clean desk isn’t.

2. See your thoughts as visitors, not guests.

Instead of opening the door and willy-nilly letting in any thought, ask yourself if you want what they’re selling.

Just because a Girl Scout rings the bell, doesn’t mean she can move into the guest room. Just because you think you’re behind, doesn’t mean that belief needs to move in and run your life.

When you start seeing your thoughts as visitors, you’re actively loosening the hold they have on your spirit – not to mention your autonomic nervous system. You get to decide what stays and what goes – which is empowering.

3. Gently start sending your thoughts away.

In other words, when you notice a thought, don’t cause more damage by telling yourself, “Dummy! Why are you thinking that again?”

Be gentle.

Notice if there are thoughts you want to release because they’re not really true. If you’re feeling behind, behind compared to what? What if it were okay to be exactly where you are right now, even if it’s not where you wanted to be?

The key is to begin to cultivate gentleness toward yourself.

The thoughts inside your head are sometimes harsh and cruel – and you can’t thrive in an environment like that. When you put your spirit in front of the line, the thoughts may still come up but they won’t run your life. It might be a long journey to get to that place, but just think of the possibilities.

Thoughts? Yeah, buts? Me toos?

7 comments

We talk about debt around here. It’s safe.

When I first mentioned my credit card debt last summer, tons of people commented with relief, “So it’s not just me who’s working on this!” I still can’t believe that I shared my total number, but I’m going to do it again. And also a cool tool you might want to try.

My numbers, today:

Total: $28,621 (down $1,784 since last August!)
Card 1 9.9%: 4,712 (down $679)
Card 2a 2.9%: 1,420 (down $633)
Card 2b 34.9%: 2,522 (down $56)
Card 3 23.9%: 14,467 (down $416)
(Update: Bank of M&D Loan 0%: $5500)

The bad news:

Out of the $4,800 I’ve actually paid to these companies over the last 5 months, only a fraction of that amount went towards paying down principal.

But it wasn’t just the interest rate that got me. I take responsibility for the 2 late-fee payments because my bill-paying system isn’t working effectively enough. And the increased APR on Card 3 as a result of one of those late payments. It’s ouchie, yes. I had some big emotions about it (mad, sad, giving up, etc.). But there it is. Those slip-ups cost me cash.

The good news:

Gosh, it feels good to be in the 20’s – and out of the 30’s!

The plan: Even with the setbacks, I’m on track. My plan is working: pay a set amount every month that exceeds the minimum payment. I won’t bore you with the intricacies of that plan, but in short, I’m paying as much as possible on the highest APR accounts first. And this highest % happens to be the lowest balance, so I’ll be excited to get that one outta here!

New laws: On February 18th, the new credit card legislation goes into effect (CCARD details) and the payments I make to Card 2 (which has 2 different interest rates) will start going to the higher interest account, not the lower. Thank you muchly, Pres. Obama, Congress and Senate! That will put more of my money toward paying them off.

Cool tool: The cool tool I found is a credit card pay-off calculator. According to this tool from CNN Money, it will take me 3 years and 3 months to eliminate my debt if I keep paying the same amount ($800/month). And only about 25% of that will be interest. What, you might wonder, would it be if I only pay the minimum balance? A nice, round 30 years to pay it all off – and about 75% of that would go toward interest.

If that’s not an incentive, I don’t know what is.

Do you wonder how long it will take you? Get out your most recent statements and fill out the online debt calculator (completely anonymous).

Share if you like – what are your most recent successes toward getting out of debt?

6 comments

If you want organizing that sticks around, one of the most effective, compassionate things you can do is make small tweaks to the systems you already have. Tiny ones.

Today, I’m inviting smARTists and regular readers to share:

What’s one tweak you’d like to experiment with that would help you feel more focused or organized?

And if you’re in the smARTist program this week, you’re also welcome to share something from my presentation that you’re planning to try out.

Why are you asking this?

It is so powerful to state an intention out loud and to have respectful, encouraging witnesses. By creating a place to witness your tweaky intention, you have a better chance of making it happen.

9 comments

Hi there. It’s been a few weeks since I posted last and I wanted to assure you that I’m back. I hope you had a terrific break that involved considerable relaxation, connection and quiet.

My break was great. It wasn’t perfect, occasionally disappointing and even annoying at times. But over all, it was 17 whole days to focus on the big picture, on my heart, and on my loved ones. It couldn’t help but be full and good. You were definitely in my thoughts.

Although I’m not a fan of resolutions, several useful intentions came out of my time away. It might very well be a “big” year for Inspired Home Office if some of these intentions become reality. If you’re still thinking about what 2010 might hold for you, I offer these areas of focus for your consideration.

5 areas of focus for 2010

1. Hand over more stuff to the Divine. (Worry less.)

Maybe you can relate: if something isn’t quite right, I tend to worry it to a fuzzled nub. Obsessively. Day and night. This habit frays my nerves and splashes icko-energy on anyone within a 15-foot radius.

When you’re running a small business, delegation is an effective strategy at making the best use of your skills. So I’m delegating my worry to someone/thing that has more skill at dealing with problems than I: the Divine.

I’m beginning what may become a daily practice of writing a to-do list for God. I don’t really know if the things I write will get done, but I’ve got 36 years of worry that has proven completely ineffective. So, it’s a new experiment for me: delegating worry. I’m handing it off to the most skilled.

2. Take more time off.

My two recent retreat experiences have been so positive that, this year, I’m planning to go on a 4-day retreat every quarter as well as overnight once each month – retreats away from home for rest and contemplation. So much is gained from putting life on “pause” and coming back to it renewed.

I’m also planning to spend one week each month focused on the growth and operations of my business. Instead of focusing outward, I’ll focus on the creative projects I’ve put off because “there’s no time.” I’m setting it aside. I’ll be talking about this more in a future post. It feels pretty radical.

3. Do things slowly.

Recently, some researchers found that when participants chewed an almond 40 times before swallowing, they reported feeling fuller and more satisfied with fewer almonds. That’s like, 20 seconds of chewing. Per almond. I could down a bowl of mac ‘n’ cheeze that fast.

The part of the research that really intrigued me was the second part. With all my heart and soul, I want to report feeling fuller and more satisfied from consuming less. I don’t mean just food, either. I mean everything.

I’ve thought a lot about slow. It doesn’t mean pokey. It means present. I’m giving slow a whirl this year because going fast and speeding through everything with half a brain cell just isn’t feeding me or my spirit.

4. Say yes less.

And on that topic, I can only slow down if I am doing less. If I am less committed. If I am juggling 3 balls instead of 2 dozen.

My intention is to be conscious of all the things I’ve already said yes to wholeheartedly. It’s to honor that saying “no” to one thing means a big “yes” to something more important. It’s also to release the “why nots” and the “I guess sos”. Half-hearted acquiescence doesn’t make a life.

In the midst of saying yes less, it will be important to remember that it’s a practice, not a destination. Like many, I’ve over-committed all my life. There has been a pay-off, a reward for doing life this way. So it’s my intention to say less less, be willing to do it imperfectly, and learn from what the practice teaches me.

5. Bring more spirit into Inspired Home Office

In the coming year, you will continue to find comfort and insights on my blog, in my newsletter, in the social networking I do, and from the products and classes my business offers. The topic will continue to be about running your small business with creative order and sanity.

This year, look for an infusion of spirit and heart, a deepening of the reasons for creating order  that will help sustain you after initial enthusiasm wanes. It is my hope that this year’s offers from my business help your business grow and your life become simpler and more fulfilling.

Thoughts? Yeah, buts? Me, toos?

9 comments

Okay, literalists, it is technically still November. But December’s tomorrow.

I’m curious. How are doing?

Are you:

• a. What? December’s here?
• b. I’m still recovering from Thanksgiving last week, thankyouvurrymuch.
• c. Hanging on to my hat and praying that Christmas break gets here soon.
• d. No time to reflect on this. Too busy. I should be doing something else right now.
• e. Pretty good – not too stressed – thanks for asking.
• f. Other (fill in blank): _______________________________

I’ll start.

Personally, my Thanksgiving holiday was pretty restful (plus I got to hang out with Sharon, Theresa, and Tim.) and I’m feeling more grounded than I have in a while.

I’ve also made that age-old mistake of booking myself solid the first few days “back”. (Note to self: Um, could you please not do that?) Like today. But I’m managing. And breathing.

So, December’s tomorrow. How are you?

10 comments

Money woes are rampant these days and everyone I know is doing circus-quality juggling of work, life, kids, family, and precious little self-care time. Overwhelm reigns.

In the midst of our collective stress, pausing mid-week for “thanks” rings false. Just ick. Like a syrupy-sweet greeting card complete with fuzzy-focused hearth fire and cornucopia nearby.

If being thankful feels forced to you right now, it’s okay. You’re not alone. In fact, you’ve got lots and lots of company.

Gratitude logjam

When you get stuck, even with something like gratitude, one of the best things you can do is start small. Like, really small.

For example, here are some of the small things I’m grateful for:

• A headset that actually works (Plantronics, if you’re wondering)
• Running water
• The big bag of string cheese in the fridge
• Gmail
• Sweatpants
• allrecipes.com
• The trash hauler who works our stretch of rural highway

I could have listed bigger things, but these are what feel true today, right now. Locating a small amount of gratitude within you is like finding a vein of gold in the earth – it runs deep. But you don’t have to *start* deep. Just start where you are.

If you say, “I’m so overwhelmed right now, I don’t feel grateful for anything. Just my lungs.” That’s okay. In fact, it’s perfect. Just start with that.

The thing about gratitude.

Most people experience gratitude as effortful – as something you “should” feel. Something you must pull out of yourself. Forcing thanks feels like cold extruded plastic instead of a comforting cotton-silk blend.

Honest, genuine gratitude nourishes your heart. It gives you energy, rather than extracting it from you.

Instead of forcing yourself to feel grateful, I invite you to consider starting where you are.

Is there a small thing you feel grateful for today (even if you think it’s something not worth mentioning)?

21 comments

Do you have an abusive relationship with your clutter?

Have you ever said something along the lines of:

I need to whip my office into shape, cut through the clutter, and/or kick my own butt.

A quick Google search reveals phrases like:

• Fight and Beat Clutter
• Conquer Clutter
• War on Clutter
• Clutter Busters
• Combating clutter

Um. What’s with the violence?

Seriously.

I mean no disrespect. If you use this kind of language, it reflects a certain degree of frustration with your circumstances. Overwhelm. Fed-up-edness.

Violent language is a concealed attempt to motivate. It’s arguably effective, but at what cost?

If you use violent language about your clutter, you are both the abuser and the victim at the same time. It means that every foray into your workspace to get work done  feels like a battle that you’re simultaneously winning and losing.

Not feeling inspired at work? No wonder.

Make peace with your piles

Making peace with your clutter begins with a simple thing: calling it by its proper name.

Is it really clutter? Or is it bank statements, notes from a conversation, and unsorted mail? Maybe it’s notes about a new idea. Or your kids’ drawings from first grade.

Call each object by its real name. And a lot of that anger and violence will dissipate.

What it’s there for

If you’re like a lot of people who remember only what they can see, having items around and visible is an intention to remind yourself. It may not always work well, but you’re making an effort to care for yourself.

The point is to reflect on the intention of saving the things you’ve saved and honor the choice you made.

We talk about this in more depth in Office Spa Day, but when you can find respect for your choices, the violent relationship dissipates. In its place what evolves is a desire to care for yourself, your space, and your stuff in a loving way.

Care to comment?

Many of my clients, readers, and friends tell me that they feel like they’re running out of steam.

Whatever it is that’s got them down – jobhunting, starting a business, trying to take their business to the next level, or simply trying to stay positive and focused – it seems as if a lot of people are just worn out. The long recession, whether you’ve been personally affected or not, has taken its toll on everyone’s energy. As one friend put it, it’s like being a cat in a roomful of rocking chairs: a little difficult to navigate without getting pinched.

It’s been a tough few years, to be sure. If you’ve not been directly affected, you’re one of the fortunate few – and it’s certain that you know people who have suffered in one way or another. However, without meaning to sound unrealistically chirpy, I’d like to point out that a happy cat has his tail straight up in the air, and thus isn’t at risk from those rockers. I’m not advocating a false sense of optimism, but at the same time, doom-and-gloom isn’t any more accurate.

Whether you believe in the signs of a recovery or not, you still need to keep putting one foot in front of the other. And if you can find a way to put a spring in your step as you do so, so much the better. Here are a few suggestions to try.

Accept that you don’t know

Dealing with the unpredictability of these last few years has been a struggle for most people. It’s human nature to want to know what’s going to happen. And when things are calm, the illusion that you *do* know is easy to maintain.

Unfortunately, as the instability of recent times has proven, that secure feeling of “knowing” what’s coming is indeed an illusion. The fact is that none of us really knows what’s going to happen next, no matter how much we like to believe that our plans will unfold as expected.

As an experiment, imagine that it’s okay (instead of stressful) to not know what’s going to happen. How would you feel and act? What would you do differently? Can you actually rest in that place of not knowing and allow yourself to be curious?

Experience moves

All experience has a beginning, a middle, and an end.

This time, like any other, is an experience.

Here in the middle of it you may feel as if it will *never* change. But as the old saying goes, this too shall pass.

And although, as I said above, you don’t *know* what will happen next, you *can* know that something will happen, and that it will eventually be different from what’s happening now.

Do your feelings and your perspective change when you see that what’s happening is neither endless nor stuck? What seems different from this point of view?

What nourishes you?

It’s easy to get trapped in feeling that you *have* to keep working hard, nonstop, with no break allowed. Especially if you have financial concerns (and who doesn’t!), keeping your nose to the grindstone may feel like your only option.

But grinding yourself down to an exhausted shadow doesn’t do you, or anyone else, any good. It’s not necessary, and ultimately it’s counter-productive. Yes, hanging in there with your job-hunt, or with the activities necessary to build your business, or with what’s needed to stay visible and productive in the office – it’s all important. And yes, you may have financial constraints that prevent you from taking the vacation you really want.

Yet there are *always* options for taking a break, indulging in a little luxury, and treating yourself to some time and space.

Go to the library and check out a trashy novel or a good movie; explore a park you’ve never visited before; take advantage of free classes at your local garden center, museum, library, or small business administration.

Drive to an area of town you’ve never explored, and then park and take a walk and see what you can discover – or just keep on driving and have fun getting lost. Spend an afternoon doing absolutely nothing at all. Find a way to cook something completely different with ingredients you have on hand.

In short, consider what nourishes you and make a commitment to give it to yourself on a regular basis. If finances are a concern, engage your curiosity and sense of play to find fun things to do that don’t cost much – or anything at all. Everything on the list above is completely without cost, except for the gas you might use driving to the library, a class, or getting lost!

What does “help” mean?

One client was feeling overwhelmed by jobhunting advice from well-meaning friends and family. When she stopped discussing her job search with them and focused instead on shared interests and activities, spending time with them became fun and rewarding again instead of draining.

As I suggested to her, when you’re clear about how you want help (or even *if* you want help), you’re more likely to get what you need. Take a few moments to define for yourself what support you’d appreciate. Then when a friend offers unwanted advice or assistance, you can gently explain what they could do that would *really* be helpful.

If you’ve ever hiked mountain trails, you know that an uphill climb can sometimes seem endless. The effort of putting one foot in front of the other, over and over again, starts feeling overwhelming.

But then – sometimes quite suddenly – you’re there: at the top, enjoying the view. And even the people who were groaning the loudest during the climb are glad they stuck it out.

Keep on keeping on. You *will* get there – and things *will* change!

Keep on going and the chances are you will stumble on something, perhaps when you are least expecting it. I have never heard of anyone stumbling on something sitting down.”

Charles F. Kettering, 1876-1958, American inventor, holder of 140 patents, founder of Delco, and head of research for General Motors from 1920-1947.

Does this topic resonate for you? Where are you moving forward, even though you’re uncertain of the outcome?

Care to comment?

Finding a balance between push and release
Jennifer Hofmann, Inspired Home Office

In order to drive a nail into a board, there’s the obvious downswing that pushes in the nail. Equally important is the back swing in which you prepare for the next push.

If you’re driving a car, pressing the accelerator is only half of the “getting there” equation. You also have to decelerate at the appropriate time, or your car will be in a world of hurt.

To accomplish just about anything, what’s needed is a balance between push and release.

Like most of the creative people I know, I have a frustrating tendency to focus on the push. In fact, as I write this, I’m in the process of trying to convince myself that I don’t want release at all (even though I need it). Instead, I should actually be pushing harder. Frustrating.

Push is not a resting state

When you’re in a period of intense creating, you lose the ability to contrast it with your resting state. The creative state begins to feel like normal, the baseline, when it isn’t.

The trouble is, that pushing harder and forcing work out of ourselves turns off the creative flow. Inspiration goes from a gushing river to a trickle to a dry river bed.

Pausing is vital to the creative process. Taking a break, releasing the pressure, is what fills us back up again. Once we’re replenished, you can create again without struggle.

But it’s hard.

If you live in the States, you’re probably unaware of how much drive is a part of our culture. Productivity. Proving our worth. It’s a silent message, but ever-present and ingrained.

Because of this, slowing down to replenish is counter-culture. Pausing is like swimming against a powerful stream. I often find myself feeling guilty and apologizing for taking time to nourish my spirit. Sometimes I just ignore my need to stop because it’s so hard to claim it.

Lately, I’ve been on an earnest search to discover what replenishes me. Recently, I was surprised to find that I was trying to concoct an “inspiration pill” which would allow me to quickly find my center and begin working again.

It’s laughable, isn’t it? Hurry up and slow down! In truth, pausing takes as long as it needs to and, by nature, can’t be hurried.

What I do to find inspiration

Interestingly, the word “inspire” means to breathe in. So oxygen is a good start. I also like to breathe in quiet – whether that comes from actual silence or my noise-canceling headphones. Removing sound helps me hear the important messages that come from inside.

In my heart of hearts, the thing that nourishes me most is singing old hymns from my days as a music minister. It’s been years since I sang at Mass on Sundays, but I get out my guitar and a big binder of sheet music and play until my fingertips are throbbing.

Something about the lyrics reminds me that I’m just a tiny star in the human constellation… and this is a good thing. These hymns remind me that it’s God/Universe who’s making the stars turn, not me. That it’s safe to let go and trust. I don’t have to control everything (even though my ego wants to).

After a session like this, I have happy tears and a deep feeling of release. Suddenly there’s room in my life again for all the things I love. Things come back into balance again.

It took me a long time to figure out that this is what works for me. And it will probably take the rest of my life to find ways to not resist doing it. I’m okay with that. Like everything in life, it’s a process, not a destination.

What works for you? How do you pause and replenish?

4 comments

A soulful, backwards way to create change in your work and life

With a title like this, you must think that I’ve finally gone off the deep end.

I’m in my right mind. Honest.

If you’ve been reading very long, you already know that I am a self-professed messy, creative person. The ideas I share and the concepts I teach come directly from my personal journey with creating order in my business and my life.

Well, I want to share with you a secret that I discovered along this sometimes chaotic path to soulful, inspired organization.

I stepped on the scale last week – and surprised myself!

Even though my approach works for my clients every day, sometimes I still surprise myself. For example, last week I was shocked to find that, without doing much, I’d easily lost 10 pounds. Off my body.

After resisting diets and exercise for years, this was nothing short of miraculous.

And. On top of this, I realized that my life, in and outside of work, is more balanced that ever before. My desk stays clean. I’m having more fun. I’m enjoying my life more.

I’m no Goody Two Shoes.

It wasn’t always this way. Just ask my family. I was scattered, sloppy, over-committed, and prone to bouts of exhaustion and drama after overextending myself for too long.

So, like the weight loss, the balance I feel in my work and the enjoyment I feel in my life are nothing short of miraculous.

And I haven’t worked all that hard at it.

Here’s how I got from there to here (and so can you)

I started accepting myself exactly as I am right now.

(Before your roll your eyes and click away, bear with me.)

Here’s what I mean:

I took a good long look at my life and discovered that guilt and self-judgment weren’t all that effective at making the changes I wanted in my life. Yelling at myself for my clutter didn’t improve anything, it just made me feel really badly. Berating myself for forgetting a commitment didn’t get me to change. I just felt horrible instead.

Maybe you can relate to wanting something to change (your office, for example). To be different – and yet not be able to make it happen.

In my heart, I honestly wanted to have less clutter, more clarity, more free time. One day, it dawned on me that harsh self-judgment just wasn’t that effective at creating the results I wanted.

So I started experimenting with a totally different strategy: acceptance.

The golden key

In the words of educator, Carl Rogers, “People only seriously consider change when they feel accepted for exactly who they are.” Acceptance is the key. Acceptance has the power to transform.

The acceptance, in this case, was coming from within.

It was halting at first, make no mistake. But over time, I began to accept myself and my choices as neutral and things started to shift.

Here’s why acceptance is the golden key: If you’re trying to grow a business, you need business skills. More importantly, it’s you who’s running the business, so you also need self skills. Acceptance is arguably the most important.

The litmus test

If you’re not sure if you’re being judgmental or accepting, imagine saying or doing to someone else (an employee, for example) what you’re saying or doing to yourself.

Berating yourself for another missed appointment or overdue bill? Insisting that you work 10 days in a row without any free time to dream? Harshly critiquing your work as inferior or substandard?

Can you imagine doing or saying these things to another living soul? If not, this is your litmus test. You could use some acceptance.

Judgment says: “You slob. Why can’t you ever keep anything organized?”
Acceptance says: “Hmm. I can’t see the surface of my desk.” (neutral)

Judgment says: “I’m so fat and ugly. I don’t deserve clothes that feel good.”
Acceptance says: “I weigh 188 pounds.” (neutral)

Judgment says: “Taking time for myself is unimportant and selfish.”
Acceptance says: “I’m not sure what I’d do with some me-time.” (neutral)

Is there room for more acceptance in your life?

Acceptance is a decision you make again and again.

And again. The amazing thing is that when you accept yourself and free your spirit from self-judgment, your stuckest, most unappealing behaviors and traits will start to shift. Without having to work so hard.

My clean office, 10 pounds lost, and happy heart are proof.

Things to try

1. Notice your self talk and whether there is room for more kindness in it.

2. Practice saying things that are neutral, rather than judgmental. Even if it feels awkward. This will take practice.

3. Celebrate small successes. With this technique, change comes in bite-sized pieces. Practice noticing them and congratulating yourself when they happen.

5 comments