A surprising tool for increasing productivity
As I write this, there are more unanswered emails in my “inbox” than I care to admit.
This has been a week in which my best intentions were thwarted, and I received feedback from a couple of trustworthy sources that I wasn’t “on my game.” Email was part of it, but I also gave out the wrong time for a class, failed to prepare properly for a meeting, and spent too much time working on stuff that wasn’t all that important.
Stressful? You bet.
My high standards are where the problem started. When I made my first flub of the week, the little Gremlin of Self-Judgment perched on my shoulder and whispered some not-very-nice things about me.
When I made my second flub, the whisper became a stern repartee.
It only got worse from there. I mean, seriously! I was counting my errors! By the end of the week, I was buried in self-judgment, exhausted, and feeling rather insecure about my competence as a business owner.
Thank God I’m normal.
If people I admire didn’t tell me they have weeks just like this, I would be really scared. But I know it’s normal.
If anything, making a few gaffes this week illustrates how far I’ve come as a cluttered creative person. I used to forget things daily. I was constantly late, making excuses and tearfully begging forgiveness. My teachers never knew how to grade me at the end of a semester because (although I participated enthusiastically in class) I’d never turned in any homework.
I have come a long way.
What trips me up
When I start forgetting things, I use it against myself. As evidence.
That nasty gremlin is out to prove that I’ll always be that disorganized girl. It says, “You think you’re so organized, we’ll just see, shall we?!”
And then I make another mistake. “See?? Ha! Ha! You ARE the same person you’ve always been! You’ll never be organized!” And then I make even more mistakes.
Ugh.
Ever been there? It totally sucks.
What I do (and maybe you might like to try too)
The other day, I had a nice talk with my wonderful, sensitive uncle and friend — who also happens to facilitate non-violent communication (NVC) groups. Uncle Tim caught me off guard when he used a term I’d never heard before, “self-empathy”. When he said it, little bells rang gleefully inside my heart.
Self-empathy!
I don’t know how the official NVC technique works, but yesterday when I “caught” myself making a mistake and entertaining that nasty gremlin, I took a deep breath — and this is what I said to myself:
“Jen, you are having a hard week. You’re feeling badly about not showing up the way you want to with people you really love. You’re feeling really embarrassed for missing connections and for giving incorrect information. It’s okay to feel sad and embarrassed and disappointed.
“You’re human. It’s okay to make mistakes and not to be perfect. You are doing the best you can right now. I want to remind you that your heart is in the right place. Forgive yourself for making these ‘errors’. Don’t let your past determine your future, okay? You can start fresh, right now. You are a good human being and I love you.”
I wiped away a few tears, took a deep breath… and sat for a while with a nice cup of tea. It was such a different way of talking with myself, and I could feel peace settling into my heart, where doubt and anxiety had been.
Compassion is a powerful tool for creating order
What I am slowly discovering is that the more compassionate I am with myself, the more productive I am. It sounds anti-intuitive, but judgment makes my spirit shrivel up and escalates stress. When I am compassionate with myself, I feel free. I have choices and see opportunities to adjust my actions creatively.
Of course, this is about organizing, but it’s also more than that. The truth is, no amount of order creates happiness. Only you can create happiness. So, while you’re on the path to becoming more organized and less cluttered, why not offer yourself the compassion and self-empathy you crave — and so rightly deserve?
Thoughts? Yeah, buts? Me toos?
Organized under Cultivating creativity, Sanely self-employed. Labeled as clutter, compassion, email, empathy, NVC, organizing, self-employment, self-talk.
132 days ago,
Lyle T. Lachmuth - The Unsticking Coach said:
Great article Jen!
I really like that term “Self Empathy”.
Another way to deal with that critical voice is to imagine it as farther away. That is, not standing on your shoulder but instead maybe standing 5 feet away. That way you can still hear the concerns (and parts of them ARE legitimate) but they don’t feel as shaming. And, if necessary you can tune them out more easily.
Lyle
Lyle T. Lachmuth – The Unsticking Coach´s last blog ..It’s Just Pain
132 days ago,
Qrystal said:
> Judgment makes my spirit shrivel up and escalates stress.
Me too. I’m swimming in shoulds at the moment and I know it’s bad for me but these things really have to be done because they’re late and people are depending on me and I am struggling to find a way to be compassionate to myself about it.
My concerns/judgements don’t come as a voice at all, because nothing specific is said. I just feel like I am moving through jelly-like fog with everything I do, and my judgement is clouded by this fog and so I keep turning away from what I must do because in the short term, turning away from the stress makes it less intense. Then, of course, the urgency builds, and the fog thickens, making it harder to do the things it’s now even more important to do. Procrastination, spiraling out of control…
My next way of dealing with this has been activated, though: I set up a browser extension that blocks certain websites for twelve hours after I’ve been at any of them for about an hour. I’m hoping it’s a fairly compassionate way to say to myself, okay, that’s enough, you can go back later.
I’m hoping this new approach will feel freeing, not punishing. I want to be free to do the things I would love to have done, so that I can be free to do other things I would love to do. Reclaiming time from time sinks is a thing I’m doing for myself, out of love for the potential of all the great ideas I have. I only wish I could have my “site is blocked” page tell me something nice and assuring, but I suppose I can do that part myself. After all, with the sites blocked, their temptations can’t pull my attention towards them and foil my attempts at lovingly redirecting my attention elsewhere.
In case you were wondering: yes, I’m using this comment to convince me that I’m going to succeed.
132 days ago,
Mrs Green @ my zero waste said:
Amazing post that speaks right to my heart – thank you! I love the synchronisity of this – I’m about to have my first coaching call and this is the exact issue I’m going to be working on!
Qrystal – sorry you are struggling right now; can you see me pushing the fog to one side to let a little light through for you to focus on?
Do you mind sharing what programme it is you are using to block sites? I could really use that tool as well!
A simple and free thing I use, if you’re a list maker is http://teuxdeux.com/ It’s nice to see those things getting crossed off your list.
Well Jen, you’ve inspired me, I love your NVC approach and Qrystal; I’m holding you in a vision of light with a smile on your face, feeling accomplished at the end of your successful day
132 days ago,
jennifer said:
I’m just grinning. What amazing comments.
Lyle – I love the suggestion of imagining the voice as farther away. Hmm. I’m going to play with that.
Qrystal – The voice is right at the beginning: “these things really have to be done because they’re late and people are depending on me.” The fog that comes after is often a result of emotional “flooding” (also known as overwhelm). I feel so much compassion for what you’re sharing. You *can* succeed. I’m glad you already know that.
(hug) Oh, and do let me know the name of that program. Handy!
Mrs Green – I love it when those coincidences happen. It makes me feel like we’re all part of a global classroom, working on this most important lesson. Thanks for your comment!
132 days ago,
sharon Roemmel said:
good article Jen. I love how much of yourself you put in your articles.
I think my gremlin voices come from brainwashing. That voice certainly doesn’t come from my soul. It comes from a message I’ve heard somewhere along my way. I’ve probably heard it repeatedly. Maybe from a parent, a teacher, the tv, etc. So I brainwash myself with messages I do want to hear. Think of it as gremilin prevention.
The damage comes from believing the messages. I give myself a steady diet of messages that do make me feel good. I start every morning with a guided meditation & then listen to affirmations as I work out. Sometimes I use ones I buy, but sometimes I record them myself. I’d be glad to record some for you if you’d like.
132 days ago,
Marta said:
Thanks for sharing Jen. It is so easy to start out with one mistake and then be hyper aware of each stepe you make the rest of the day or week. And yes that gremlin on the shoulder knows all sorts of “lovely” things to whisper in your ear.
Great tip, I will have to remember that and use it. The cup of tea sounds nice too
I’m glad I’m normal too!
132 days ago,
Lori said:
As a Type A/Driver personality I find it hard to put the mistakes behind me. My family and my supervisor both say that I am hard on myself.
As I get older though, I realize that the “punishing process” truly robs me of my productive and creative juices. Remember that teeshirt that said “The Beatings will continue until morale improves? How can you expect positive results when you are in a negative frame of mind?
To get a new perspective, I take a brisk walk and listen to my MP3 player.
Lately when I forget or make a mistake–I also just blame it on menopause and march on!
130 days ago,
The OMV Weekly Retweet Roundup April 25th said:
[...] A surprising tool for increasing productivity http://www.inspiredhomeoffice.com/a-surprising-tool-for-increasing-productivity [...]
127 days ago,
Jessica said:
I’m a little late to the comment party but just wanted to let you know that this post struck a chord with me. Over the past year or so I’ve gotten a lot better with the “self-empathy”. I’m much nicer to myself and that helps in so many ways. But I still have times when I beat myself up. When I tell myself that I’ll never be good at whatever it is I’m trying to do at the moment. Thanks for the reminder that what we say to ourselves matters and we should be as kind to ourselves as we would be to our best friend.
Jessica´s last blog ..How important is being important?
111 days ago,
Regina said:
And I’m even later to the party! But I also had to say what a beautiful and insightful article this was. So good for my soul. This has been my journey for the last several years- hmm, maybe more like 20ish.
Jessica, I love the idea of talking to yourself as you would your best friend. I had that thought in my yoga class a couple months ago and slowly, but surely, it is changing the way I talk to myself. I have also try to use language with myself as if I was my 5 year old self- which I feel I still am in many ways! We would never hold a child to the same standards as we do ourselves, I hope!!
Anyways, I have created my own little way of working productively and it basically is working in short bursts of effectiveness with the rest of the day open to puttering. i make a list of the MOST important things I need to do today, put the amount of time i expect it to take next to the item -i.e. call Kaiser for reimbursement (20), highlight the most important three so i know what to do first- or what to do before i go to bed! and then sum up how much work i’ve got on the list. if it is more than 3-4 hours worth then i choose what to do later in the week. i can’t be that focused-productive for longer than that. As I start each item I set my iPhone timer to keep me on track (I’m HIGHLY distracted!) and this also helps me estimate more accurately how long certain items take.
And there’s always space for a few tangents- like this post!!
Thanks, Jen. You are such an inspiration and mentor for me. As you can tell by my new biz!!
Regina´s last blog ..clear clutter and create simplicity…